Leaving It All Behind. {Peter Parker Leaves The Avengers}

{2} he suffered because you weren't quick enough spiderman

THE ONLY THING THAT PETER WAS AWARE OF in the following minutes were the voices of Karen and Friday, guiding and grounding him as he worked to bring back Tony's heartbeat.

Distantly, Peter knew he searched for Tony's heartbeat frequently after missions or after a particularly haunting nightmare, the action unconscious and driven by instinct- he'd started seeking out Wanda's too when they'd grown closer. He'd just never realised how deafening the world could be when that heartbeat wasn't there to drown out everything else, no matter how much he willed it.

Beneath his suspiciously steady hands, Peter could feel Tony's ribs break as he applied more pressure under Friday's calm instruction- the only thing that stopped him from tearing his hands away was Karen's soft reassurance that he was doing it perfectly. That he was saving Tony and not causing him more harm. The undercurrent of anxiety that lingered in their voices that should not have been possible for AIs went over Peter's head as he focussed on his task; he refused to acknowledge anything beyond their instructions and Tony.

He felt as though his whole body should have been shaking while he stared down at his hands; the urge to shake was almost painful but he forced the reaction away. There was the familiar feel of burning on the backs of his eyes of tears that refused to fall because he had a job to do.

He had to save Tony.

Had to save the one man who believed in and cared about him despite every mistake that he'd ever made because he didn't save him in the first place-

A heartbeat. A breath. Then another. And then another.

Peter only stopped the compressions when Karen assured him it was safe to do so.

Medical evac had been alerted by Friday and an extension of that was the rest of the team while Peter somehow managed to get back to his feet, still silent and feeling strangely numb; like his organs had been carved out and there was nothing left to fill the gaps they had left behind. He knew, in the back of his mind that he was on the cusp of a breakdown but it was as if he couldn't quite grasp the meaning of it. Peter knew the signs- it was in the way his chest jittered up and down with sharp, short breaths that made his sternum ache and how his eyes couldn't focus on any one thing and avoided looking down entirely at Tony laying in his suit.

The loss of the mask was barely processed by Peter even as he gripped it loosely in his hand.

He could feel Wanda link their thoughts together again before he physically saw her. There was so much panic and fear racing through her that it mixed into his own until they were indistinguishable.

When she rounded the corner of the stairwell, dust clinging to her hair and jacket, her wide eyes that had been scanning the room immediately landed on the lone person standing. The emotions that lurked just beneath their telepathic link- that clashed and battled for dominance- almost overpowered her as she sifted through them, trying to gain an understanding of what had happened. Grief swirled violently, threatening to consume Peter before it was rivalled by relief- pure, untainted relief- and a happiness that was almost blinding until both were nearly drowned by guilt and regret.

It made her pause in the doorway for a moment, her face scrunched in confusion at the conflict of feelings. Then she saw him; pale and sweating and- lost. Like he hadn't quite grasped where he was.

A single second passed before Wanda launched herself forwards, standing on her tiptoes so that she could throw her arms around his shoulders and drag him down to her height; she was surprisingly strong when she squeezed impossibly tight. The sudden pressure served to jolt Peter back into the present and subsequently the surrounding world around him. He could vaguely hear Wanda's voice murmuring reassurances into his ear as her hand cupped the back of his neck gently while her fingers played with the strands of hair that laid there- they were the same actions she used to bring her brother back to the world after a nightmare when they were still children.