Stardust Romantics

Spare Me The GoodBye

After Strasbourg, I felt as if, even the air around me had shifted. Within a couple of months, I was no longer an invisible loner. I belonged somewhere... Or rather with someone. All my life, I strayed from becoming one of those pathetic girls, whose entire world and sense of self-worth centered around a guy.

I was practically vibrating with a different energy. One dreaded moment, however, was out of my control. The senior graduation of my former class. Yet, even then I now had my friends and, safety net: William, Alice, Steven, and Julia. My fantastic four.

I don't relish the thought of letting go, of the only class I ever felt like my own, but my loneliness was not a factor anymore, since the people I needed in my life were standing beside me, right now. They were the only four people, I'd trust to pick up my peace and show my vulnerability to while feeling fearless!

For as long as I could remember, I'd been a magnet for the odd ones in the crowd. The black sheep seemed to seek me out and lingered in my life long after I'd changed zip codes.

With my new friends came my new, mutually-exclusive passions: Astronomy and Ballroom Dance.

"Make room for the astronomer and his star!" A never-ending echo followed us, every time someone spotted me and Will together in the school hallway.

"Make way, the astronomy duo is coming through! They are getting signals from the planet

Z-53, coming through, geeks coming through !" 

The rumor mill about us was absolutely consuming. I was constantly on my toes, looking over my shoulder at all times. Since I was the one with thicker skin and William never spoke up, the backlash usually hit me, for the both of us. It felt too dark at times, like I had to be the princess and the knight, more often. Instead, I did an Olympic gold medal back flip of logic, to appear invisible to the world.

I trained my brain to switch to warrior, whenever someone bullied me or anyone of them.

Alice was the tomboy, with no filter, but I acted more than I spoke. Alice and I would spend hours, brainstorming the next big scientific break in physics and astronomy. Rather threatening to both Will and Steven's fragile male egos, I'd assume. Julie had a thing for Steven, how as off guard as it had caught me, kept to himself to such extent, that he made William seem like an extrovert. Julie had her own insecurities, rooting in her having crutches, but in our eyes, we saw the graceful ballroom dancer, she transformed into in the studio. As for our shared disability, I tried to rub off on her, how to think of it as a unique ability instead. Dancing was an unbreakable bond between me and Julie, even though she was magnificent with the slow waltz, whereas I fell in love at the first dance with the Argentine tango. This outcast tribe quickly became MY RIDE OR DIE.

Julia though me, how to carry myself like a lady, and Steven and William showed me how to maneuver my wits, Alice lit up my wild side and showed me how to stand my ground.

Steven and William never got over their Victorian-era, gentlemen vibe. I never truly figured out, where they got it from om the first place.

Chin up, eyes looking forward became our group motto.

                                                                           * * * 

Sooner rather than later, one of the most painful goodbyes, came knocking on my door. My initial classmates were senior graduates, and I was forced to endure the tearful Farewell ceremony, knowing I was being left behind for an entire year to come, without the, and only my four friends in my corner, still. That realization left terror crawling under my skin. The week beforehand I was a mess. On the exterior, my smile was unbreakable and the excuse for my spending every free moment between classes with my seniors was, the casual "They are my type of people, and we are making up for the lost time."

The truth was much deeper. I grew up, despising the moment every other year, every new school or country, when I had to say my goodbyes, and possibly never again see my friends for an indefinite time. An upbringing of switching schools and zip codes does that to a person. This high school was the first time in my life I stayed around for years at a time, long enough to form meaningful, lasting friendships, and now, they were being yanked away from me....

"I will be lost and empty with them" I sobbed the whole of my free period, in Alice and Julie's comforting embrace."What makes it worse is with them gone, I'd be an easy target who's lost all her defenses!"Earth to Clara! These excuses of humans, you have to share a classroom with, still have to go through us!" Alice jumped to defend me!

"Don't forget about me!" William spoke up.

"They know, they know you you are my greatest weakness right now, as much as I view you as my strength, and I am convinced, they will use this to bring me down!"

"I don't want to hear it, Clara!" Will, was closing in on me, intentionally destroying the space between us, in total disregard to Alice's presence."I don't want to hear it! I don't plan on ever saying my goodbyes of any kind to you, or walking away from you! None of that! Tomorrow, the day and years after...I can't speak on behalf of Alice or the others, only for myself, and I am here to stay! I made you a promise in Strasbourg, in front of the cathedral and I am a man of his word! So crumble into a million pieces tomorrow, but we, I will be here to pick you up and put you back together if you do!" He stepped away, taking a bow ."If you ladies excuse me, I have a favor to call in for tomorrow ."

With that, he left us to our heart to heart.

"Did you just see that, or was I hallucinating, and was William possessed?!"

Julia nodded. We were all exchanging astonished glances, unable to make sense of it all.

"Unless all three of us have the same hallucination, I think this really did just happen....I believe so....WOW!" Julie's jaw was on the floor."Don't look at me! I have no clue, what has gotten into him !" I shrugged my shoulders.

"Oh, so I am supposed to explain it, then?!" Alice burst into uncontrollable laughter! "What exactly did you do to him in Strasbourg, anyway? Ever since he's been acting....Almost like an actual human being, with feelings! It is so creepy!"

                                                                                * * *

My greatest fears manifested, with the Farewell Ceremony. I maintained an impressive record, and never cut class. That morning, however, I just couldn't put up with classes or anything that required tolerating people, or their pity.

When they finally found me, I was curled up in the school's backyard, exhausted from tears and drained of emotions. Two of my bully classmates were spitting their venom my way, minutes separated us from the start of the Ceremony.

The next thing I remember, was seconds before the ceremony began their voices faded away, followed by distancing steps and, a familiar voice, defeated my shivers and starter.

"It's over Clara! They left, I am here...Calm down, Clara it's me! I am here, I ain't going nowhere!"

The ceremony itself was a blur of pain to me.

"Will..." I choked between the words. "They left, my family here is gone! They left me behind and all alone..."

"Shh .... Think of Strasbourg, think of our moments there, of a happy place! You still have me, and the girls and Steven! you are not alone, I am your safety zone, Clara!"

It was so hard to fight these feelings with him so close to me. Just a shot in the dark, that he just might, be the one to save me from the demons in my own mind...

"I don't do well, with empty promises, beware!"

"Good thing, this is a gentleman's word!"