Stardust Romantics

Directions

I don't know if a person can have a fear of leaving other people behind, but my life had forced me to endure, far above the average goodbyes anyone, could in a lifetime. With that particular realization, in the back of my mind, naturally, I decided to get everyone in my circle, a little something to keep our bond just as strong, at our own graduation party.

Alice priced herself for being connected with the supernatural -runes, tarot cards, Ouija boards - it was all her jam. So I fell in love with the perfect inverted pentacle pendant, to gift her.

 Steven ... That was a tricky one. I never quite figured out how this guy's mind functioned, but one thing was for certain, he needed a boost of confidence when it came to feeling manly and not just, due to lack of a better expression "a quiet geek". Hiking, the pocket-knife was playing it safe but respecting his wishes too.

Julie... She always gave you the impression, that she was, as they say, "born an era too late", with her long skirts, exquisite gowns, ballroom dancing, historical romance books, lady etiquette, and every detail in between. I found a medallion at an antique shop, with a lady in waiting, admiring a rose, engraved on it.

Picking something for William, while not knowing where we stand, and having in mind our most recent fallout We were not on speaking terms! So choosing something to gift him, proved to be the greatest challenge.

Every time, when I thought we were all good, and happy, he proved me wrong I felt like I was walking on ice half the time around him, he acted like he wanted a future for us one day and, truly ashamed, to be seen with me, the next. His head was in constant war, with his feeling, which he never expressed nor listened to. This all, left me spinning around, with no direction nor answer, to the burning question. : Was this my something to remember us by, gift? Even if I wanted to stay, at the expense of my own mental and emotional health, to try and make Us work, was there going to be a William for me to stay with, at all?

As ironic, as it all felt, I found myself, forced to ask, the person I was supposed to know better than I do myself, my first love, what gift to get him. It all resulted in a disaster of a fight, between us. The first sign that our lives were, already splitting into different directions, as it is!

I could still recall all the major moments and red flags between us. When I worked up the courage to confess my love to him, he responded as if I was awarding him a medal!

I was 16. Every emotion was overwhelming! At 16, I was under the false impression that, when love hurts that's when you know it is real!"William, I need you to know I am in love with you, and I hope it is OK for me, to say it!" - I remember blurting out during one of our cramming sessions in the library.

He'd looked ... Taken aback. Completely out of his element, ready to run for it! ''If we lived in the fairy tale Clara, I'd be the villain who messes you up! Not the prince, out to save you..." He'd at that moment, pulled out a hand for a handshake and bowed. "It was an honor, to hear that kind of high praise, from you even if we live in different fairytales..." And he walked away, leaving me confused, hurt, and alone, for a good half an hour, talking to myself, by the time Julie and Alice had found me.

As I was contemplating, what to get him an avalanche of flashbacks came back to me.

Like, that time when I hit my head, cutting it and leaving a blood trail to the nurse's office, before being sent to the emergency room and then, tied to my bed for recovery for ten days. He never even noticed I was gone.

The fact, he'd "secretly" leave me a rose on my desk, each valentine's day, but found my poetry silly and too emotional, and never dared to show affection in the hallways or in school premises. The fact he never expressed an interest to, stop by my home and usually, just met me somewhere spoke volumes, yet somehow I never wanted to see it.