𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜𝕤 𝕋𝕠 𝕊𝕔𝕠𝕥𝕥

Part 28.

PUBLISHED JUNE 27, 2022

EDITED JAN 9, 2023

"What was obvious?" I asked and everyone went quiet for a second.

"Nothing Mads! Don't worry about it!" Tommy yelled to me and then deafened his discord. 

"Guys please tell me what this is about?" I was being serious now. What if something bad happened to someone, and they weren't planning on telling me???

"We promised Tom that we wouldn't tell anyone." Wilbur spoke up after a long pause of silence. 
"Surely you's can tell me?" My voice was a lot quieter now than it was before. At least nobody in this call was still streaming and it was just us talking.

There was another long pause and then I figured it out. 
"You're not telling me because it's about me, isn't it?" I almost whispered. I really thought they were my friends and that they cared about me, but no. They were talking about me behind my back. 

"Guess I'll leave you guys to it then." I left before they had time to explain. I am aware that I could have been overreacting but from my perspective it really did feel like they were talking bad about me. 

I took my headset back off and jumped face first onto my bed. Tommy was supposed to be my best friend, or even more than that. I really like him but if I'm right about them talking about me then, not anymore. 

For the next few days I kind of avoided talking to anybody at all. I had no idea who else knew about the conversation but at that moment, I didn't think that I could trust anybody. I streamed still, but mainly single player Minecraft or Stardew Valley like I used to.

I basically lived in the jumper that Tommy gave me when I was in Brighton. I mean, I may be mad and upset at him but that doesn't mean that I don't miss him like crazy. I was trying so hard to not miss him but I just did. I didn't realize how attached I got to everyone until after I got home.

I thought it would be fine because I know that I'm still going to talk to them everyday which I was, until I freaked out the other day. I really thought that everything would be the same but so much has changed since I got back. 

Fuck, I really hate my feelings sometimes. I'm trying to stay mad at them but I just miss everyone so much. Maybe I should stop ignoring everyone, or at least stop ignoring some people so they don't get to worried about me. 

I wiped the tears that I didn't even know were running down my face and sat up in my bed. Mum was at work, she's been working day and night shifts since I got back. I don't know if it's because she's trying to prove that cares about me or if she is just trying to pay everything back from before she was like this.

I'm really proud of how far she has come though. She is such a good mother now and I actually talk to her about things when I get the chance.
"I guess I should ring Scott and talk to him." I said to myself and walked out of my room with my phone in my hand ready to call him. 

I was just staring at Scott's name on my phone screen, and it felt like I couldn't bring myself to press the button. Luckily enough, I didn't have to make the first move because as I was about to press the button, his name came up fully on my screen and he was calling him. 

It was as if Scott knew somehow that I finally wanted to talk and so he rang me. That or, it was his daily call to see if I was alive. I hesitantly answered my phone and put it on speaker.
"Hello?" I said quietly and I didn't really know what to say.  I mean, I had been ignoring everyone for like a week so. 

"Mads?" Scott's voice cracked when he said my name.
"I'm so glad you answered. You have no idea how worried I've been. I mean, you just stopped speaking to everyone and nobody knows why, or if they do then they wouldn't tell me." 

Scott was talking so fast it was hard to understand what he was saying.
"Woah! Scott, slow down. I can't understand anything that you're saying." I laughed at him slightly as I went to the kitchen and put my phone down on the bench and put it on speaker so that I could hear what he was saying.

"I'm not repeating everything I just said. Are you okay though?" He asked with a stern voice. I knew he was being serious and that it was important to him.
"I'm fine, I just overheard something and thought that I should take a break from everyone for a few days y'know? it kinda just got to me." 

I didn't know if I was asking him or telling him what was going on.
"Yeah I understand that. But sometimes the best thing to do is to confront what's going on to get it out of the way. Do you wanna tell me what's going on?" He was talking slowly as if something he was going to say was gonna affect me in a bad way.

"After the hide and seek stream the other night a few of us were in a call because we just wanted to chat." I started explaining 
"Which is a completely normal thing to do." He mentioned to me. 

"Well I wasn't originally in the call until Tommy asked me to and so when joined the call, Toby and Wilbur were talking about something and when I asked they just went silent, and Tom yelled that it was nothing then left, and then I figured out that they were talking about me and so I left." 

I figured there was no point in sugar-coating it because Scott would be able to tell if I were telling him the truth or not. 
"And you're completely sure they were talking about you?" He asked me curiously.

"Why else would they go completely silent when I asked if it was about me or not." I sat there thinking for a second and then continued.
"Although, now that I'm thinking about it properly, It could have been a good thing I guess. I skipped right to the conclusion and didn't even bother to let them explain about anything. God I'm such a fucking idiot!"

I grabbed my phone and leant against a wall and I just closed my eyes, thinking about everything.
"I think maybe you should talk to the three of them and clear things up? I'll also talk to them and see what they were talking about and I promise I'll tell you what it is when I find out okay?" I hummed a yes and we said our goodbyes before hanging up the phone. 

I slowly fell down the wall until I was sitting on the ground. I overthink everything that goes on in my life. My friendships, family, conversations, things I hear, things I see. I always think the worst about what's going on and so I never try to pay attention to the good things that are happening in front of me. 

I might never know if the three boys were talking shit about me or if they were trying to surprise me or something. The only way that I can find out is through Tommy. He can't lie to me for the life of him. 

Maybe that's why I've been ignoring him. I know that if I confront him about what I heard, then he was going to lie to me and I would know that he would be lying. Kind of like how Scott his with me. 

I knew that I needed to confront the situation but I really just didn't want to get hurt again so I decided that today was not the day to talk to them. Instead I would try to plan a stream with Scott and live the rest of my day like normal, except for the part where I'm constantly talking to Tommy.

It's fine though. It's not like I'm having trouble sleeping because we aren't on a call and I can't here him rambling on about how his day is going, and how the stream was and his plans for his new YouTube videos. God I miss talking to him too much and it's been a fucking week.

But I just can't seem to get him out of my head. I listen to his old streams as I sleep for fuck sake, just so I can hear his voice. Why do feelings and these types of things have to be so damn complicated all of the time. Why do I have to overthink everything and make everything bad?