One Summer with the Sinner (Monteverde Series 5)

31

Chapter Thirty-One

              Pain is evil – it compels you to feel it even when you don't want to. There's no escaping it and the only way to overcome it is to go through it day by day while it tries to consume your will to live. I feel how much it hurts, and it hurts so much to feel. I wish I have the power to take my emotions out and lock them away, so I don't ever have to be this miserable.

              When my father died, I was so convinced that I have experienced all types of pain and that I have developed the skill to extract myself in any situation that could turn out messy, that could turn out hurting me. But I guess this one, I didn't quite foresee. I thought I've known pain, but here it comes, banging on my door again, with a saw and hammer, ready to smash my heart into pieces once more. I thought I've known pain, but here it is again, with a different side, with a different kind of hurt.

              It feels weird to grieve for something that isn't dead – my love for her.

              It feels weird to long for someone who is less than an hour away.

              It feels weird to pour out so much love yet receive so much heartbreak in return.

              My flight leaves in four hours and all my things are packed and ready – but I'm not. I don't think I'll ever be ready to leave things behind, unfinished and without closure. But they say having no closure is also closure, so I guess this is where our story ends. It's not the kind of end I had in mind, but it's the end I need to accept. This is gut-wrenching and I wish there was some way I can ask for an extension, maybe even another chapter for us two, but lines have been drawn and I'm all out of moves.

              Before I go, I would at least like to leave her a small gift – a token to remember me by. From the pocket of my sweater, I pulled out a rock that was half the size of my hand. I placed it inside a box along with a short letter for her. I put the lid on and secured it with a ribbon. The longer I stared at it, the more hollow I felt inside. Grabbing the box and my keys, I headed to the parking lot and got inside the car. It took me ten minutes to get to the Monteverde Manor.

              The guards seemed to recognize me as they advanced ominously. They seemed to have received orders from the Monteverdes that I was allowed nowhere near the property.

              "I mean no harm," I announced. "I just want to give this to Alexiana Monteverde." I held the box out for them to see. The head of the security did not react, nor address me. I tried to take a few steps closer as the other guards held the guns on their chest tighter, no doubt ready to shoot if I tried to do something out of line. I placed the box on the ground and pushed it towards the gate.

              "Please... Aalis na ako. Hindi na ako babalik pa rito kahit kailan, hindi na ako manggugulo, hindi n'yo na ako makikita, pero please... Gusto ko lang makarating 'yan kay Alexiana. Ang dami kong gustong sabihan sa kanya na hindi na n'ya maririnig pa, kaya parang-awa n'yo na. Hindi ko gusto ng gulo, o away, o kahit ano pa man na makakasakit sa mga Monteverde. I just want Alexiana to have that because that's me... that's me finally saying goodbye to her."

              The head of security cocked his head on the other guard whose name patch read Amoncio. He pulled the leash of the German Shepherd, and the dog laggardly made its way towards the side of the gate where the small box was. The dog sniffed around and after a few seconds started to turn its head calmly on a different direction – a sign that no drugs, explosives, or anything dangerous was inside it. Through the space between the bars of the gate, Amoncio took the box and held it in his hand, turning it over.