unspoken thoughts - dari diari

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Angin yang menerpa sekujur tubuh di beranda menghadirkan lagi rasa dingin yang cukup membuat jasadnya menggigil. Terketar-ketar tangan memegang sebatang pen yang sedang menulis di atas buku miliknya. Tempat yang menjadi luahan hatinya saat tiada yang ingin mendengar isi simpatinya.

20.6.2022 , Monday - 12 PM

I learnt two things the day my father passed away;

I found out who actually cares,

and who were just pretending to be.

.

Sometimes I'm tired of being a friend who constantly shows tremendous amounts of effort when others don't even give a damn about me anyway. And I think it's better if I stop being me, the caring one, the one who always care what people would feel and stop chasing them at whatever cost. I mean, if you don't make an effort to stay in my life, I don't think it's worth it for me to fight for you.

.

Maturity comes in different ways. One of them is understanding the concept of ' not everyone will be there for you but that doesn't mean they are bad friends'. I would not belie the statement. In fact, I agree with it at first.

BUT. In my opinion, if they really care about you, they'll show it. It's not about 'being caring in silent' , sure it's also a great thing but IF they ' REALLY ' care about you they will eventually lower their ego and spend a minute asking about your day instead of just worrying around and expecting you're doing just fine when you're actually not.

.

Sedih sangat tau, when you tried your best but they don't notice your effort. Penat kadang-kadang. Tapi salah diri juga, sebab semuanya bermula daripada ' expectation '.

I expected they will repay my kindness, how silly. You can't force people to treat you the way you treat them. That's just not how life works.

kerna kecewa itu pasti.

Ya Allah sekarang tinggalnya nyerah pada takdir, ya?

- Alya's




- Alya's

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