Only theirs

CHAPTER 32

For three fucking days i had been texting the two of them non-stop, they haven't replied a single one of them. Most of them consisted of threats of how i would kill them or cursing them off with every curse word on the dictionary, i called them so many times i filled their voice mails. With all the pills i'm taking i'm sleeping most of the day, Doctor Brown warned me about how my body would have to adapt to all the new antidepressants and that could caused for me to be sleepy, along with other side effects

I asked Daniel about them but he would just limit himself to say that they were busy and wouldn't be able to reply to my calls or texts. Daniel was responsable to come check on me daily, it was awkward as fuck

Now i was sitting in the balcony looking down to New York, the city that never sleeps

"Mrs Knox?" A maid came outside "Dr Brown has arrived"

"Alright" i smiled back "tell her i'm outside"

Time to talk about my feelings

"Mrs Knox" Dr Brown greeted me professional, taking a seat in the chair in front of me "the view is breathtaking" she commented "it must be nice having this view everyday"

I hummed "i want to throw myself off"

Her smiled faded "do you want to talk about your suicidal thoughts?"

"Nah"

"How have you been since we last met up?" she asked

"Alive"

"I can see that"

"Well Ares and Hades come back... thats good i guess" i told her actually trying this time "they are actually good company"

"And the Knox brothers?" She asked writing down her notes

"They..." i found myself with no words "they haven't been here since they discharge me from the hospital, it's not like i want them here but just leaving like that is kinda of strange coming from them" they were obsessed with me, always around me or inside of me "i asked Daniel but he wouldn't tell me shit"

"Does that worried you?" She questioned

"At least in the mansion i had more freedom, but here i feel trapped"

"You feel trap?" She asks

"I'm here all fucking day long"

"That must be frustrating for you" she commented

I held the urge to make a nasty remark "it is" i told her instead trying to keep my frustration hidden

"Have you thought about going for walks?" She asked

I almost burst out laughing "walks? In like leaving this place? Dr Brown please don't be delusional, i'm barley allowed to go to the kitchen" i chuckled

"Have you asked them?" Questioning me again

"They ghosted me" i informed her

"Ghosted you?"

"Disappeared from my life" i smiled at her sickly sweet

"Does that gives you relieve in some way?" Her eyes softened "the last time we saw each other you didn't seem to like them very much"

"I don't know okay?!" I snapped out of nowhere "i have no fucking idea what i feel"

She stopped putting her pen down "why don't we talk about other things okay? I'm not here to force you to open to me, it's a process Mrs Knox, something we won't force" her comfort words didn't seem to help me "lets talk about your family, what were they like? Where did you live? And grow up?

Such a better topic

"My family is a broken one" i said, emotionless

"How so?"

"The system killed my mother when they filled us up in medical bills, she was dying but they would't treat her, even after we sold everything we had. My father turned an alcoholic after my mother's death, he couldn't deal with the fact she was dead so he took it out on us" i swallowed the lump on my throat "us is a big word. My brother was never there, i stayed there"

"That sound like a difficult home"

"It was the only thing i knew, for me it was like an everyday bullshit"

"Do you hold a grudge against your brother?"

I snapped my head toward her "of course not" i said through clenched teeth "he helped me when he could, we had to survive after all. He's not perfect, i know he's not a saint but he's my brother, and he helped me when i needed him"

"But he left you with your alcoholic father who abused you" she remarked

My blood boiled "he had to leave, i would have done the dame thing if i could" if i had been in the position of my brother and had the opportunity to leave, i would have left without looking back, i would have gotten as far away from my father as i could

She wrote something down

"And how was your mother?"

"Perfect" i smiled just thinking about her "kindhearted and actually a good person in this fuck up world"

She smiled at me "we should end this session with this good thought, we would see each other next week?"

"Yeah" i breathed out

She eventually left

——

My eyes snapped open

I stud in a totally white hall with wooden doors

There was nothing there except for the doors

A little girls cry's echo through the walls making my breath get caught up in my throat. I started to run, my legs moved on their own, closer to the little girl screaming her lungs out. I flew open the wooden door where the screams where coming from, my heart missed a beat

My eight year old self was hugging her knees while screaming, my father stud in front of her holding a belt. Her eyes filled with tears and terror as she looked at the man she had once loved and been her hero, her hands shaking uncontrollably as she tried to hide them from him as it could anger him "please!" She cried "i'm sorry!"

My father was drunk, you could see it in the way he whipped me, the way he would almost trip over his feet

"Shut up!" He slurred

I froze, i became powerless once again

I stared at them as he slammed the belt into my shaking body, my eight year old self screaming because of the pain. My whole body was shaking as i saw what happened way too many nights, tears streamed through my cheeks

"Please"

"Please daddy"

"I'll be good"

"I still love you daddy"