Incandescence

Chapter 3

Anis

I took the car keys from the key holder and walked out. Right now, I just wanted to be far from my home and think rationally. I couldn't do that here at home, because I knew that the constant disturbances that were mom and younger sister won't let me think at all. I just wanted to get away for a bit. I just needed to think straight so I came to the one place, which would give me the peace that I sought and the strength to cope with my inner self.

I need this really bad.

I chanted to myself as I parked my car in the parking of the familiar park in the middle of Islamabad. Fatimah Jinnah Park, or F-9 Park as we commonly called it, was situated between two sectors, F-8 and F10. It consisted of a full sector, F-9, which was converted into a recreational park for the residents of Islamabad. Numerous jogging tracks spanned the park on all sides. Over the years, the park had experienced many changes and today it was visited by citizen from all over the twin cities of Islamabad and Rawalpindi.

Walking slowly, I reached the monument that was a new addition to the park. It's white structure with beautiful carvings and gorgeous fountains were a sight to behold. At night, when the lights were switched on, the fountains cast a beautiful glow all around the monument making it look almost magical. Constructed like a mosque, the monument depicted beautiful architecture as well as Pakistani heritage.

I ascended one of the stairs and sat down on the first step. The view from here was beautiful as far as I could see. I could see people here for their evening walks, clad in track suits and joggers, some jogged on the walking tracks that spanned the park while some were only walking briskly, sweat running down their foreheads. Watching people come and go made me always think about them, how their lives would be and what circumstances had brought them here. Each one of them must have some story to tell. How interesting it would be to hear them tell you their life experiences and how they took out time to come here for their walk daily.

The melodious ringing of my cell phone drew my attention. I took it out of the back pocket of my jeans and looked at the caller ID. It was my sister, Maira. That brat never left me alone since the day I returned from the States. She was inseparable and a chirpy little brat as well. I silenced the phone and placed it back in my pocket. I needed a break from everything and these few minutes that I was having for myself shouldn't be ruined.

I turned my attention back to my contemplation. I wanted to find my inner self and understand why I felt like the way I did. What was this incompleteness that I felt? I didn't understand why I wasn't peaceful? I felt like something was missing from my life. I had a career, a successful business and a family that loved me but still I was looking for something to appease my heart and mind. I wanted peace in my life but I couldn't find it. Why did it feel that I was searching for something or someone? It felt like there was a huge part of me that was missing. Everywhere I went, I was in search of something unnamed. My family didn't pressurize me much but I knew that they expected something from me now. They expected me to be stable and successful in my life. I could see it in the eyes of mom and dad, both. Dad wanted me to join office with him but I'm not sure that is what I want to do with my life. I need something else, something creative yet interesting. I wanted to search for my life. I wanted to go somewhere different so that I could understand this weird feeling I felt. I needed to find myself before I committed myself to working with my dad. My decision was made. I had to go somewhere and talk to my dad now.

Standing up, I retraced my steps towards the parking lot where my car was parked. The evening sky overhead was turning dark, as night came and the bird flew towards their homes. I unlocked my car and got inside. I knew now what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go.

***

"Where is dad?" I asked Maira, as I entered home. She was lying down on the couch, watching the television. Her favorite season, The Vampire Diaries, was being on-aired and she was literally engrossed in that.

"Maira!" I said loudly. "Where is dad?"

She glared at me, positively annoyed that I was disturbing her from her favorite television show.

"He is in his study." She said and turned back to her television. At twenty two, she was a handful. Chirpy, naughty and somewhat spoiled, I loved my little sister from deep within my heart. Her sunny disposition always made me laugh and her constant chatter amused me. With jet black hair reaching her knees, she was slender and weak. She tried to hide her weight problems by wearing bulky clothes but that didn't help her as well and she hated that. I had seen her gaze longingly at chubby girls, wanting to be like them. She wanted to be something she wasn't.

Shaking my head at her, I turned toward dad's study. What was I going to say to him? I had just returned home from Los Angeles and now I wanted to go somewhere again. He wouldn't let me go. I need to present a valid reason to him in order for him to let me go.

I looked at the closed door in front of me. I had been standing outside dad's study since the last five minutes. Damn! I knocked on the door and when I heard him say "enter", I turned the handle and walked inside. Dad was seated behind the mahogany desk that spanned three quarters of the room. The rest was filled up with couches and bookshelves which held books as old as the eighteenth century. Dad was a collector of books and he loved to find souvenirs from all over the world. This way, he had filled the bookshelves in his study with his treasures. After greeting him, I closed the door and stepped inside.

"Come, sit down, Anis." Dad said. I sat in a suede chair in front of his desk. As a young boy, I used to love sitting on these chairs.

"Have you taken your time and decided when you want to start working at the office?" He asked.

"Yes, dad, I have been thinking about what I want to do with my life and I have decided to go to Germany for my Masters degree. I want to get another Master's degree in Information Technology and after that, I'll be ready to join the office."

Dad scrutinized me closely over the top of the desk. He was trying to understand my reasons for this abrupt decision. I knew if I told him the reason he would understand. I needed this, I told myself again and again as I returned his stare.

"Okay. Two years is all that I'll give you. I need you back here at the end of two years, Anis, and I mean it." Dad said.

"Thank you dad." I couldn't believe my ears. Dad was relenting. I wanted to stand up and whoop with glee. I stood up from my seat and hugged him.

***