Beauty From Ashes

CHAPTER 3: Same Old, Same Old Part 4

Yani blinked twice at the monitor as she couldn't believe what she was seeing. It was an e-mail from Mark. She opened it, her heart felt like it was on her throat.
"Yani hello. I'm so sorry that it's only now that I tried to contact you. I've been meaning to e-mail all of you but things have been busy here. I only got to chat Pia and asked how you all were. I'm told that you are again a cheerleader, dance troupe member and is really doing well academically. I'm so happy for you. I'll be sending a book for Pia and you over the holidays. Message you again soon, take care little cheerleader!"
Yani sat motionless as she finished the last line. "take care little cheerleader.." it echoed through her mind. Her chest felt heavy. "That's all I am to him, a little cheerleader.." she thought as a tear ran down her cheeks. She hastily wiped it off. So much for the Christmas present. Of course it's for Pia, not hers. She understands well enough.
"I wish I'd stop loving him." Yani whispered. She was alone in her room. It was a Saturday morning. Nanay and Tatay went to the farm. She's thankful for the solitude, she has the whole afternoon to nurse a broken heart once more.

"Oh God why is it so painful and hard?" she asked. "Why couldn't he see me?" she clutched her chest as she felt a piercing pain in her heart. "Why am I going through all these, what's the point? Why does he have to e-mail now?" Yani felt so helpless, she wanted to kneel down and beg God to stop the pain, to stop the emotion and to not care anymore. It's been years now. How could she still love him? Why is her heart so stubborn?
Yani's pain was more than a heartbreak, it is more than the result of an unrequited love. It was the pain of silence, the pain of breaking quietly, again and again, and again.

Her phone rang. It was Charmaine.
"Not now charming Charmaine, I'm sorry." she said quietly as she ignored the call. A text beeped in.
"May sasabihin ako sa'yo, busy ka ba?" it read.
Yani stared at the screen trying to come up with a reply, the cursor blinking at her.
"Bukas Cha." she typed in and added a smiley at end.
Yani wiped her tears and made her way to the kitchen to pour herself a tall glass of cold water. She filled the glass and dropped in several ice cubes. She drank the cold liquid and drew a deep breath. From her room, her phone started ringing again.
"Importante siguro talaga sasabihin nitong si Charmaine." she thought as she padded back to her room.
She flicked the phone open and was surprised to see Miguel's name instead of Charmaine's.
"Sasagutin ko ba o hindi..." she was definitely not in the mood. She returned the phone on her table and walked towards her bed. The phone buzzed repeatedly, Miguel certainly won't give up.
"Haissssst!" Yani shrugged and picked up the phone.
"Yani, hello! Tagal mong sumagot!" Miguel said before Yani could even speak. "I'm on my way there may dala akong foods!"
"Ha?! Bakit??" Yani gasped.
"Ano? Anong bakit? Susunduin kita, wala akong kasama sa boarding, bakit ba."
Yani felt too weak to say anything. Miguel will push through whether she agrees or not.
"O, dito na ko sa gate niyo!" Miguel ended the call. Yani heard the sound of the tricycle outside. She ran to the bathroom and splashed her face with water hoping that Miguel wouldn't notice her puffy eyes. She went to her vanity and grabbed her eyeglasses and brushed her bangs down.
"Yani!" Miguel called from outside. "Tita! Hello, tao po!"
Yani smoothed her shirt before opening the gate.
"Ang bagal mo Yanitot!" Miguel was holding bags of chips and what appears to be takeout food. Yani kept her head low trying to hide her puffy eyes. Miguel bustles about with his stuff not noticing anything yet.
"Wala sila Tita?" he asked as they walked inside the living room.
"Wala nagpunta sila sa bukid." Yani turned her back at him. "Ikuha lang kita ng tubig."
"Yes, thanks! It's so hot out. Nagsi-uwian kasi lahat sa boarding, hayun ang boring!" Miguel said nonchalantly. Yani returned with a glass of water and gingerly hands it to Miguel. There's no escaping and hiding it now. He would certainly see the aftermath of the tears. As he takes the glass from Yani's hands, he peered at her face.
"Anong nangyari..?" He stood up towering over Yani. Yani couldn't hold it any longer and she burst into tears right in front of him. Miguel grabbed her and buried her face in his chest and she just let it all out there. They stood there for a long time until Yani's weeping halted into sniffles.
"Ano na naman ito Yani? Look at yourself.."
Miguel admonished her as they sat down.
"Ayoko naman na Sana Migs.." she confessed. "Pero Bakit ganun, it's always here!" Yani pointed at her chest. "It won't go away!"
"Buti na lang pala pumunta ako dito."
Yani acknowledged him with a smile. "Thanks Migs, sorry nabasa yang T-shirt mo."
"Ha ha ha! Okay lang at least di mo pinagpunasan ng sipon mo." he quipped.
Yani slapped his arm. "Grabe ka!"
"Thank you God for Miguel.. Thank you Jesus." Yani whispered gratefully as she watched Miguel take over the chaos of her life once more.