*Crack*

Chapter One

April 22, 2019

I was walking down the hallway to 2nd period, and I tripped over a rock and somersaulted 3 times then fell on my ass, squishing it flat. I then got magically lifted up by Voldemort (with his magic wand) and landed in the arms of Michael B. Jordan, our PE teacher. He then drops me and prances away towards the principal's office. As I watched the man in awe, 2 hands suddenly grab my shoulders.

"Hey girly slay queen boss!"

Just as I suspected, my gay best friend, Devon, was behind me.

"Oh m gee girly! I just saw you trip over a rock and flip three times in the air, get attacked by Voldemort, land into our quirky PE teacher's arms, Michael B. Jordan!" He breathed a deep sigh and proceeded to say, "Holy shit he is so hawt like dayum zaddy, I wanna take u home with me." Devon then laughs like a maniac. "Slay queen pussy boss pop off hashtag Charlie XCX <33"

He then runs away and catches up with his boyfriend, Bryan.

"Greetings there, Claire."

Ah, my other best friend, Fa Mulan Li Yang, she's Asian. She is 5'0 has her black hair in a bob cut and thick rectangular glasses that matches her nice sweater vest.

"According to my calculations, the school bell will ring in 22.3 seconds and you will be late if you don't hurry to class. Well, I bid you farewell, my friend."

She then walks off towards her advanced trigonometry and calculus class while reading page 366 of her 1000-page encyclopedia.

Since 22 seconds is a long time I should go buy a venti mocha swirl with extra cream no swirls and 2 fresh pumps of hot breath. My favourite drink ever!!!!!!! After the sexy lunch lady, Mrs. Lawinski, gives me my coffee I speedrun to class like sonic the turtle. On my way I see Ariana talking to the hot badboy alpha daddy, Chad Blake Fisher. She trips me with her 6 inch platform stripper cheerleading boots. That little lettuce coloured eyed bitch caused me to trip and spill my drink on Blake.

"You dumb bitch, why would u spill coffee on me. God your a loser."

Ariana stands there laughing like the bitch she is, while also applying her third coat of lipgloss. I throw my cup at her and speedrun to my ELA class.