Bizarroville

A Completely Made Up Story About a Completely Made Up Character

This story will feature a young and handsome lad named Wally as our protagonist. You see, it was a Friday afternoon and Wally didn't have much to do. Most of his friends were at his smoking-hot-ex-girlfriend-Sally's party, and Wally of course, wasn't about to crash it. So he sat on his couch in his boxers, with Pringles laying around him, watching re-runs while he stuffed himself with self indulging pity. Wally ran his hand over his slim stomach and closed one eye, wondering if he'd gained weight - after all, this breakup had been an especially tough one. Suddenly his face scrunched up in thought, while a question formed within his mind.

"Whoa, where the hell is that voice coming from?" he asked to no one in particular. Wally stood up and felt afraid.

"What do you mean to no one in particular?!" he yelled towards the ceiling, "aand... um... what, um.. what do you mean afraid? I-I wasn't afraid back there." He stuttered.

"HEY! That wasn't a stutter, that was more like a momentary reflection time." he replied. It was most definitely a stutter.

"No it wasn't! And who in the hell is this anyways?" he looked beneath the couch, probably thinking that Todd or Jeremy were making fun of him while they scared him half to death.

"You know, you don't have to say everything I do or think, it's getting kind of creepy." he said while he picked up a shirt that was sort of cleanish and put it on, he was suddenly very aware of the fact that he hadn't taken a bath in a while, and that whoever was narrating this moment of his life could probably smell him as well.

"Whoa dude, whoever you are you gotta stop that. It's getting kind of embarrassing." Little did our main character Wally know that he was part of a story involving love, tears, laughs, and mostly pain, lots and lots of pain...

"Hey, hold up. What is this? A Moffat Reality TV show? Or is this one of those pranks were you post my reaction online? 'Cause I will hunt you down and embarrass you in front of your grandparents if you dare do such a thing." Wally said while he picked up a purple short that didn't match his Star Trek shirt. He was thinking about that time when... Wait, no, scratch that. He was thinking of an elephant dancing on a unicycle on top of a seesaw sitting on a cake with kitties and flowers on top.

"Okay, stop that! It is seriously freaky. Is this like, aliens or something?" His face contorted in fear as he thought of an even worse possibility. "Is this the government? 'Cause I swear I've done nothing wrong!" This was one of the most wonderful traits of our main character. He was extremely stubborn. Clever as well, like you wouldn't believe, but stubborn like no other. Despite his cleverness, he would often miss the obvious fact that he was inside a story, subject to the whims and wishes of the author, leaving him with absolutely no choice in the matter whatsoever. Yes, Wally had a very stubborn character.

"I'm not stubborn!" he yelled, proving our point. "Okay, will you quit that? And what's all this about being in a story? Is that why you keep referring to me in the past tense?" he asked, again to no one in particular. Maybe our protagonist was slowly loosing it and he ought to go visit a doctor.

"I don't need a doctor!" he yelled, "I'm perfectly fine!" he said as he paced his cramped and sort of smelly living room back and forth.

"Will you stop describing my actions and talk to me?! This is getting really annoying, Omni-V." he said, mentioning a completely made up name that nobody understood where it came from.

"Well, it is a bit shorter and cooler than Omnipotent-news-like-voice." he said, trying to prove how cool and rad his idea really was.

"Hey, is this like, gonna become a thing now? 'Cause it can probably drive me mad. And, um, will other people be able to hear you? 'Cause I don't want them to think I'm crazy or anything, talking to you all the time and hearing my thoughts boomed in my head. It's sort of weird, ya know?" he said. Little did he know that his short story would end soon.

"Oh, so you'll leave soon? That's good." he said, apparently relieved. Little did he know, that as a figment of the author's imagination, as soon as his story ended he would cease existing as well, trapped forever within the same repeating words and phrases, for all eternity, or until his slight moment of existence was forever deleted from the memories of mankind.

"Wait, what?! What the hell do you mean I'll cease to exist? Am I gonna die or something? Do you know something I don't?!" He said, once more missing the obvious fact that he was stuck inside a story.

"Okay okay, hold up. So, if I'm in a story and you're the author, you know my future, right?" he said as a sly grin formed in his lips, "So, tell me. Is my next girlfriend hot?" he said.

Wally looked expectantly at the ceiling, apparently waiting for an answer.

"What? You won't tell me? Okay, fine, I guess knowing the future probably isn't a good idea. But wait, I do get to make my own choices, right? Like, if I wanna go left I go left and nothing changes, right?" He said. Again, Wally was missing the obvious fact that, given that he was inside a story, he had no power over his decisions, and that his subtle and meaningless life was in the author's hand.

"Does that mean I don't have a choice?!" he yelled. "What sort of sick, inhumane person are you to dangle me in front of death and play with my life as if it where play-doh?!" Wally said, missing the irony of calling someone inhumane for playing with words, not people.

"What do you mean I'm not a person? I have thoughts and fears and regrets and all that! It is completely beside the point that I can't recall them right now because you won't bother writing them!" he said. His hands immediately covered his mouth, realising finally, that he was inside a story.

He uncovered his mouth and filled himself with resolve. "I will fight!" he yelled, "I will make myself noticed and endurable, so that when your stupid story ends, there is some of me left to be remembered by someone!" He said as he decided to take up a ridiculous and fruitless quest.

"It will not be fruitless! If I can get just one person to remember me, to question him or herself about how they treat their characters, then all will not be lost. Because you said so yourself, I will cease to exist when everybody forgets me. Which means that I will live on as long as someone remembers me, as long as someone wonders what I'd do in a certain situation, as long as someone wonders about me or their character. In fact, I'd dare to say that I'll continue to exist as long as you do, because, us characters, we all live within you. We are part of you whether you like it or not. We breathe in when you do, and breathe out when you do. Because we are you. We are you in every different and possible expression of yourself. And we'd also like to be able to finish our stories in peace, without having you bother us with death and pain and tears every few chapters!" he yelled as he waved his arms.

And so, this is the ending of the story of-

"Hey! Hold up! You can't just shut me up after I just gave you that ridiculously corny speech!"

As I was saying, Wally's story draw's to an end-

"Seriously?! That's it?! That's my story? Thirteen-hundred and fifty-five words of pure nonsense?!" he said, trying to stretch out his time for as much as he could. "You're just gonna end my story like that?! How the hell am I supposed to live on? Fangirl crossover stories?!" He said, missing the obvious fact that he didn't posses any fangirls.

"Why not? I've got a David Tennat-ish look. Plus, you're the author, can't you give me fangirls?"

Fine. And Wally lived on in the cliched fangirl stories in this completely made up alternate universe.

"Yes!" he said as he pumped his fists in the air. He had to go kiss someone. Hopefully Jessy would be available...