Short Story Compilation

"Realization"

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I never thought my life would ever be the way it is today.When I was in kindergarten I imagined my life as a teenager. I imagined how much fun i would have with freedom to make more choices and do more things. I couldn't wait until the day I would turn sixteen.I dreamed of going to high school,having lots of friends,dating a guy,Falling in love,going to parties,Dancing at my prom,having a job and feeling happy.Unfortunately, My life has not gone as planned.I thought I would be in control,But the control i once had ,years ago,Has been lost.Instead of me controlling my life,I was being controlled by depression,anorexia,anger and fear. They locked my mind and heart in a prison a cold, concrete room,damp from tears i cried. I was in solitary confinement alone with no one to talk to or be with. Obsession,fears,and images of how to attempt suicide visited my mind.
I had no place to go. I rode my bike miles, Fantasizing what it would be like to be someone else, Pedaling past houses, Imagining happy,Loving families inside. After miles and miles,I became tired and weak.hunger pain strongly struck.I looked down at my legs,All i could see was fat fat fat fat!.So i continued pedaling and ignoring the element of hungry.Now I had to burn the fat off my legs.
Finally no matter how hard i tried,I couldn't keep pedaling.I felt hopeless and began to cry.I wanted to disappear.I no longer wanted to live. I thought dying and murdering myself is the only solution or ways to get rid and lose the pain.I attempt suicide but God didn't let me die so i tried again and again but the days past my self began to be weak and decrease 40 pounds, But i really don't understand and began more depressed,I was admitted to a psychiatrist hospital. But i didn't even feel alive,I was no longer living I was only existing.After two months I returned home. I was just under under five feet and weight 25 pounds.My hair was falling out and my skin was dry and flaky. People stared at me.Not long after, I was admitted again my heart went down to 28 beats per minute. my body shivering from being cold. A little over two months after i was admitted, I was discharged. I planned never to be admitted again but i was Another four times. I found myself lying in a bed with Tubes pumping nutrition into me.

It's been a few years since I'd recover.At this time, I am living in a hospital for woman who suffer from eating disorders and survival issues.I look at life differently now. I am able to have goals and I strive to reach my goals. Yes. I still have struggles. I have difficulty facing the fact that i actually eat more than tree meals a day.Recovery is the hardest challenge I've ever had. Recovery is a choice. This choice is hard,But I don't want to exist in hell, Like I did before. I want to live.

I realized that Life is not perfect to what I've expected when i was a kid.Life is short so love yourself no matter your color is,skinny or chubby type,Your short or tall no matter what it is.KEEP IT IN YOUR MIND THAT YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL IN YOUR OWN WAY.