For A Woman

Something In The Sun

A week later

Our revolt seemed to last about a week, well mine did - Karen's lasted about two days and 12 bottles. Sean was very pleased to have her back in his arms, part of me craved for that kind of contact again - it felt like it had been so long since I'd had that kind of comfort, where someone just wanted to hold me for me and now for what I could offer them

Micah and Kamyla clashed every other day, it reminded me back to how Miss O'Shea and Dutch were - this was why people shouldn't date in gangs, John and Abigail were a good example of how things ended well but otherwise things were exploding around us...I partially felt like the fuse but I couldn't do anymore added damage with my vowed silence

For fifteen minutes straight, she'd been following me around camp with hay bales while I chopped wood, everyone knew it wasn't safe to approach a heartbroken woman holding an axe - it might not be a log she chopped off next time. "Miss Watson, I'd really like a word, if you would?" She was struggling with the weight of the straw under her frail finger tips

"She don't wanna talk to neither of us, Kamy - y'see Miss Jones talked her into a 'vow of silence', now Miss Jones has already failed but Miss Watson refuses to give in...but I'd step back quite a bit, she's got an axe- and she's right handed" Micah brought her back a little as he noticed my grip tighten at her presence

To our annoyance, she pretended to be calm for a second just for Micah, then when he let go of her arms, came straight back "No, you don't get to just ignore me - we made a promise to one another, you hear?! Now neither of us are going no where until you talk" her hand snatched the weapon from my clutches so I couldn't do anything more to the wood

"Mrs Grimshaw, apparently I'm done chopping wood" I just had to talk, just not the woman next to me - the older lady would do just fine. My eyes darted around for someone to get me out of this situation but Karen was once again in the company of the Irish gentleman and Mrs Grimshaw was giving me a look telling me that it was due time I sorted out my own issue

"Am I too shallow and poor for you now Edi? Are these fine women what you're looking for now?" Kamyla pointed directly to Miss O'Shea who glanced in our direction. That was the moment I knew we were drawing far too much attention for just a 'quiet squabble'. I grabbed Kamyla's wrist throwing the axe into the floor before dragging her roughly into the woods for privacy

"You can never be reasonable, can you? It always has to be some kind of brave act, some 'sacrifice' for someone else- just talk to me for once and stop playing the god calm hero, you ain't your daddy" I bit my tongue at the memories flooding through my head, it had been a long time since I'd thought about him and now wasn't a good time to start

"I can be as reasonable as the next goddamn fool who believes a word out of your mouth" the look of offence on her face was priceless but it didn't last, she saw no wrong in what she'd done. I may of accepted it but there was still salt in the wound anytime she ignored that it had happened, maybe this conversation did need to happen?

Her hands slowly cupped my cheeks, but I shuffled away "listen honey, I messed up- I know I did but now we both just gotta accept we got two babies on the way now. You're gonna be a great mama to both, I know it and-" I held up my hand staring her dead in the eye, I never made any promises about mothering her baby too as well as my own

"No one said anything about being a mama to yours - it's already got a mama and daddy back in Annesburg so please just get on your horse and go back" I wasn't a quitter on marriage but I could feel this one wasn't working out the way we thought it would at the beginning of it all - what were we hanging on to? False promises? We'd both clearly moved on

"I know when I'm not wanted, Edith" a sigh of defeat left her lips quietly as she stared at the floor for a moment knowing exactly what was about to happen - I'd yell, then she'd yell then I'd yell some more...that's how our conversations went these days, it was mostly my fault, that much I knew but- I didn't know what but there was something sinister in me

"Oh yea? And I wonder why that is - it ain't like you put me in a difficult position that effects you in no way shape or form...I'm the one stuck with it" my hand landed on my belly, she wasn't even showing yet meaning she was still in the throwing up stage - that thought made me feel a little better knowing she was suffering slightly

"That's my baby too" she went to put her hand on top of mine but I slapped it away, except for the initial idea - what interest had she shown in this baby? Except for when we split and she mentioned to stay safe because of it...other than that she'd never even mentioned it. Sure she left a bucket in the tent but that was it...no staying close to watch me carefully

"Like hell it is, all this 'I can't get pregnant' crap...you know who's it is" her eyes dashed towards the tree line then back to me as if to question my judgment, we'd never really talked much about Micah but she'd never been pleasant when we had, always the same things - that he could never be trusted, that he was just manipulating us, that the world would be better off rid of people like Micah Bell

"He can't be a father" her finger pointed directly at the back of the man we were speaking about, I should've known she'd react this way. I stood there for a good five minutes as she stuttered in rage trying to find what could be said that wasn't already said, but all she ended up doing was repeating her original statement quieter than before "Eds, he just can't-"

"I'm not asking him to" a small smile came across my face as her shocked expression came into view, my daddy used to say I was a 'force to be reckoned with', as far as I was concerned - now was as good a time as any time turn his words into action even if this wasn't exactly what he meant...I knew that if he was still around - he would try and support me to the best of his ability

"I won't leave you knowing what I did - you'll have to kill me before you go through this alone" this may of seemed like a grand gesture from a fairytale, but to someone who just wanted her gone and to go live on her happy life back in Annesburg - this was a nightmare that could've been avoided if she just read between the fucking lines...I wouldn't have had to do this

"Very well" I pulled my pistol out of the holster and aimed it straight at her forehead - she knew very well I could've killed her before she knew it but I wanted to see if her reaction changed in the face of death, or at least the threat of it. It had a tendency to reveal how people really felt when they knew they soon wouldn't feel anything

Before I could even fire a shot, an ringing sound filled the air followed by the  weapon flying out of my grip and landing on the floor not too far away...Micah. "Didn't your daddy ever teach you it's rude to eavesdrop, Mr Bell?" When I looked in his direction - his gun was aimed right at us smoking from the usage, a tight expression pointed across his face - he'd hoped I was better than this...part of me did too

But guns always brought out the worst in people...