Arcane (Regulus Black)

eleven

I sat with Lily, Taylor, Marlene and Dorcus. We all studied, they did mostly for their upcoming OWL revision. Taylor and I just got ahead with some of the reading. The library was quieter as compared to its normal time on this day. It remained quite empty too, it was just some Ravenclaws until Regulus and his friends, Rosier, Crouch and walked in.

"Well well well, if it isn't the mud bloods and the traitor" crouch shouted mischievously at us. I turned to look at Regulus but he kept his gaze straight forward, not at me of any of us. I saw lily and Taylor who had their heads ducked down into their books.

They continued to refer to them as mud bloods and me as a traitor as they sat on the table next to us.

"Fuck you Crouch" I said and gave him the middle finger.

"You'd like that wouldn't you. Anything to get back in mummy and daddy's good books." he teased.

I started at him in disgust. They used to be my friends. A shudder travelled through my body. Disgust.  I looked down and continued to study, ignoring their comments.

Someone nudged me. I turned to look at lily. "Why is he staring at you?" she whispered. I looked up to see Regulus. He had his head turned up, straight at me. When I looked up, he did not break away, he continued and simply nodded. I did not know whether that was an attempt of an apology of acknowledgment.

I turned and looked behind me. It was just more bookshelves. "Maybe it's just books lily." I shrugged it away.

"This is not the first time," she moved closer. "I did not really want to say it in front of Sirius and them because well, you know why but in the great hall. He was too".

"He was only staring. It is not that big of deal. "I shrugged it off. "How's Sirius doing?" I asked, changing the topic.

"He is..." she paused. "Well, he is Sirius." she shrugged.

"Right" I got up and left the table to look for some more books. I stood in front of the muggle books, as I looked through the classic section. What a lack of range. Lily followed and stood next to me.

"There was a part of me that's just so desperate to know if my absence has done any damage to him. That there is a small possibility that he, he experiences long restless nights due to the thought of me. That his heart is broken in the same places as mine. I want to know that I am not the only one hurting from this. I want to know if I ever meant something to him lily, if I do mean something to him." my lip quivered and tears streamed down my face.

"Oh Lizzy" she stepped forward and embraced me. We stayed like that for a couple of minutes. I told her about everything. Christmas. James's house. The moments we had. How we almost kissed. Until Remus of course. How he looked at me. How he acted with me.

"Lizzy," she took a deep breath, "we all know how he feels, he just doesn't know how you feel. He's blind. Maybe he has not even realised it. Look at you. I know you liked him long before probably he's told anyone. Maybe even before he knew himself. We all, we all see it in his eyes, the way he looked at you. It is so obvious my dear. It's just, he's just, Sirius." she shrugged as she wiped my tears off of my face. "It is so obvious. The way he looks at you. It is as if you are the sun and he is the child seeing it set for the first time. It was obvious, even to us, as young as we were, since the hat put you in this place and how fast your life changed. He stood right next to you, he never left you. We all saw that. The way he looked at you, that sparkle in his eyes whenever you spoke, it's, it's the kind you wait for your whole life for. We all have laughed and teased him, but inside we're all hoping someone, someday might look at us like that too."

"Like James does to you?" I asked.

Her face shrivelled into disgust but she erupted into laughter, "like James does to me" she repeated, "you'll find it Lizzy. It will come to you. He'll realise it soon."