Backup Girl [Tom Hiddleston] {EBT book 2/4}

Collateral damage

Tom hung up the phone and went to the bathroom to wash his face. His eyes and nose were red and he hoped the cool water would take some of it away. He hadn't meant to leave the bar so quickly but he couldn't hold it together any longer. What did you expect, she'd just rush to your arms and come home? You fool! Kate's message had been a complete surprise, he was getting ready to go to bed. As he waited for her he quelled the hope rising inside. He didn't think he could take another blow today. The past 7 weeks had all but broken him. He continued working, and work was all he did, all he thought about. He rehearsed and read and memorised from the moment he woke until the moment his head hit the pillow. Filming would finish in another 2 weeks and the thought of not having that to focus on made his heart race.

Kate knocked softly on the door and could tell Tom was waiting behind it. "Can we please try this again?" She asked gingerly.
"Yes please."
She sat down on the couch. "I'm just going to spill it all out for you, ok?"
"OK," he said, turning to face her.
"I found out about Dean, and I felt responsible. I still do. If I'd reported it this wouldn't have happened. Technically I can still be charged for asking the doctors not to report what they found, and they could be in serious trouble. Basically I've fucked everything up and I need to go back and fix it, live with it. I ran and hid from the problem instead of being brave and facing it and now other people are getting hurt." He tried to say something but she put her hand up. "I didn't want you to be one of them, and I knew if we were together you'd be asked all the uncomfortable questions. I should never have told you if I wasn't prepared to report it, I shouldn't have put you in that situation and asked you to lie for me. You didn't sign up for that and you don't deserve it. All I wanted was to protect you, not hurt you." She drew a shaky breath and looked at him for the first time. "I'm so sorry I hurt you Tom. I never meant to, and you deserved an explanation all along but I couldn't give you one." Kate looked back down to her lap while playing with her bracelet in her fingers.
"Kate, look at me." Tom put his hand on her chin and gently tilted her face up so her eyes met his. "I understand what you were trying to do. But you don't need to protect me. Yes, I've been asked questions about it. I've said it happened in your past, before I met you, and I think you're amazing to endure it and find the strength to leave and not look back. That's not just a rehearsed answer, it's the truth." He sighed. "If you want to go back and stay I understand. But I think you're doing it to punish yourself, am I right?"
"I made the bed and I have to-"
"Stop. You don't. You didn't think he'd do it to someone else because he made you believe you deserved it. Not anyone else, just you. It's not your fault, any of it. The fact you're facing it now is braver than you know. You deserve this, what you're doing now. What I saw on stage tonight was a strong, confident, beautiful woman doing what she was born to do. You can not let him take that away from you again, and if you think you don't deserve this life it's because he put that in your head. Please, Kate. I understand you have to go for the court case, but please think about coming home to me when it's over." Tears welled in Kate's eyes and she turned her face away from him. "I want to support you Kate. I want to be there at the end of the day when you're exhausted, when your emotions are raw and you just need to be in my arms. I want you to be able to cry if you want to and not turn away from me. And I have a month off so I can come with you. But only if that's what you want. If you want to go alone I will respect that and leave you alone." He paused waiting for her to say something. She couldn't. It was taking everything she had not to crumble in to him. "While we're spilling out truths, I had a weekend off from filming, in Canada. So I wasn't really in town, as such. I just wanted to make one last effort to get you back. If you ask me, I will not bother you again. But please, if you still love me, don't shut me out. Let me love you." He ached to reach out and pull her to him, to kiss her and hold her and love her. But he held back, he had promised never to push her, and he would let her go, if unwillingly, if she said the word.
"Tom," she said looking down at the floor. "I've made so many mistakes. Too many mistakes. I don't even know where to start, how to undo it all." She looked in to his eyes and tears began to flow down her cheeks. "The biggest was leaving you. I broke your heart, I lied to you, and I left. I will never forgive myself for hurting you like that, and I don't expect you to." Tom reached for her hand and she stood up. "I should go, it's really late."
"Kate, I won't stop you, but I want you to know something. I forgive you, and I understand, and it's OK. I love you. You know where I am, at least until tomorrow." As she walked toward the door, he slid a key to his room in to her pocket. "Just in case," he said. Kate knew if she stopped she would never leave, so she walked out the door to her room. Never in her life had she felt more confused and broken. She got to her door and took out her key, and Tom's.
After standing frozen in the hall for a few moments she turned and went back, she could see that the light was off and wondered if she should just go to bed. Quietly she swiped the card and pulled the door handle. There was a soft glow coming from the bedroom, but the rest of the lights were off. It didn't escape Kate's notice that the lamp giving off the light was on her side of the bed, and he probably would have left it on just in case. Tom was sitting in bed reading his kindle, his chest bare. He put it down and came toward her, he wasn't holding back any more, he knew what she needed and he had to take the chance. He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms tightly around her. Kate put her arms around his waist and her face in to his chest. Before she could stop herself sobs were shaking her body and Tom held her close, stroking her hair. "God Tom I'm so sorry," she said against his chest between sobs.
"Ssh baby it's OK. Everything will be OK." He whispered in to her hair. "Could you lay down with me?" She nodded against him and let him lead her to the bed. Kate smiled a little when she saw one of Tom's shirts folded up on her pillow. Removing her clothes she pulled it on and turned off the light before sliding in to bed next to Tom. He was always so warm, and she curled up in to his chest, laying her head on his arm. There were no words left. Tom wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in, as though he could hold her there forever, and Kate let his even breath lull her to sleep.