Backup Girl [Tom Hiddleston] {EBT book 2/4}

Enough

Back in London, there was barely time to unpack and pack again. They only had 3 days, and by the end of the third they were both so exhausted they could barely speak. Tom was tiptoeing around Kate, and she could tell, but neither of them knew what else to do, nor had they had the time to discuss it.
Getting on the plane was almost a relief, even though anxiety was already building in Kate's stomach. Tom had been secretive and insisted on handling the boarding passes himself until they were on the plane, and it wasn't until they were ascending the stairs that Kate realised why. She looked up at him and he winked. "It's a long flight darling, it's important to be comfortable."
Once they were in the air, Kate turned to Tom and took his hand. "I feel like we haven't talked in a week,"
"Me too. So how've you been?" He smiled and she smiled back up at him. "Oh I've missed that smile Kate."
"I know. I forget how hard this is on you, too."
"Just tell me how I can make it easier for you, that's all I need." He squeezed her hand and she sighed.
"I'm not sure." She shrugged. "I think you're just going to have to be there and be able to not say anything." Kate looked at him seriously for a moment and then burst out laughing. "We're doomed, aren't we?"
"It's not my strong point, but I'll try."
Kate turned serious again. "You're going to hear things, in the hearing, things I probably haven't told you. Horrible things he did to me, and they'll want all the emotional details. It's going to be just as hard for you as it is for me, to listen to it and know there's nothing you can do. If you don't want to be in the room, I'll understand." Tom leaned in and kissed her gently.
"I'm not perfect Kate. And I don't think I'm as strong as you are. But I will stay and support you. I didn't volunteer to be there lightly, I know it's going to be emotional for me as well. But if you can drag it all up then I can hear it. It's part of you, whether you like it or not."
Kate sighed. "If you have anything you want to ask, I'll be open and honest. You might be best to hear it outside the court room."
Tom put his head back. "God Kate I wouldn't even know where to start," he sighed. "Are you sure?" Kate nodded. "The physical stuff you told me about, was that all of it or just the worst?"
"It was just the times bones were broken." She said softly. "Honestly there were so many times I can't separate most of them from the beginning, the later times are more memorable because I wasn't home as often." Seeing Tom's expression, she stroked his face. "It was never something that went on for hours where he beat me to a pulp. More that I'd do something he didn't like and he would lose his temper. He would never touch my face, or my hands. He knew I'd be straight to a doctor if anything happened to my hands and my face was too obvious. Everything else was fair game though." Kate shuddered. "The last was by far the worst though. I didn't know if I'd get out of there alive."
Tom reclined his seat slightly and patted his lap for Kate to sit down. She snuggled in to his chest. "I'm so sorry baby. If there's anything you don't want to answer just say so. And if you have had enough tell me and we'll stop. Promise?"
"Promise." She said, kissing his lips.
"Was there any other kind of, uh, abuse? Like um," Kate looked at him.
"Sexual?" Tom nodded and Kate looked away. "Yes. Not often. He did force me in to things I didn't want to do. And he didn't like being told no. After a few times I learned to just do what he wanted. He used sex to manipulate and control people. Well, women. He cheated on me often when I was away and used it to guilt me in to coming home earlier. Or remind me I wasn't as good as other women. Anyone with sense would have kicked him out at that point." Tom kissed her head.
"It must have taken a lot for you to trust anyone again."
"Until you I didn't let anyone get close."
"Kate, wasn't there anyone between him and me?"
"No."
"God darling if I'd known..."
"Tom you couldn't possibly have treated me any better." She lifted her head to look at him and his eyes were watering. "What's wrong?"
"I pushed you, took you to bed after 3 days, told you I loved you and then left. I threw you in to a relationship and a lifestyle you clearly weren't ready for..."
"And it was the best thing that's ever happened to me." She kissed him slowly, her tongue mingling with his for a minute before pulling away. "Don't you ever think you did anything I didn't want." Tom nodded. Kate lay her head down on his chest and closed her eyes, soothed by Tom's stroking her hair and back. "If you'd known this before, you would never have got involved with me."
"No. I've told you before, I had no choice in falling in love with you. I couldn't have stopped it if I wanted to. I would have taken things a lot slower, that's all. You were so hesitant and now I understand."
After some food and a glass of wine, Kate cuddled back up to Tom. "Is there anything else you want to know?"
"What do you think affected you most, the physical stuff, the cheating, or something else?"
"Being hit, pushed, broken, it's nothing compared to feeling as though you deserve it. It didn't take long, maybe a few months, before I believed that. And then he had me. I wouldn't leave because I truly believed I was unlovable and he was doing me a favour. I forgave him for cheating on me because he was so generous he stood by me while I went to LA to work on my career. When he pushed me around, it was my fault because I pissed him off. He told me once I'd never get anywhere, I was boring and not any good, and one day Disney would realise and send me home." She noticed Tom had his hand in a tight fist and kissed his knuckles.
"I'm not sure I understand what happened in between that and when we met."
"Zachary happened. Right after the last time, when I left, I came back and started working with him. He started restoring my self esteem. Before that I'd been disconnected from all my friends. I didn't have any, and it reinforced the idea that I was worthless. He was patient and kind and saw that I didn't have any belief in myself. I owe him so much. He was the reason I called you, and I figured if he trusted you then I could, too."
"I knew you guys were close but I had no idea. That explains why I got the stern lecture about looking after you. And why he has so much respect for you."
"Mmm" Kate said sleepily against his chest.
"One more thing and you can sleep, ok? But I need you to look at me." Kate sat back up and looked in to Tom's blue eyes. "Katherine, you are amazing, strong, talented, intelligent, and I am the luckiest man in the world to have you. Nothing you say or do in the next few weeks, or ever, will make me think any less of you or stop loving you. If I'm affected by anything in the hearing it's because I am appalled that anyone could try to take away the sparkle in your eyes, not because of anything you've done, or said, or not said. And like it or not, for you to come back from that and then face it again willingly just shows how determined and brave you are. Not matter what happens, he can't hurt you anymore. You've already won." He looked deep in to Kate's eyes and kissed her softly as tears spilled down her cheeks. "You need to sleep, baby." He put the seat backs flat and lay down, her head on his chest and holding her close. As he watched her fall asleep Tom quickly wiped the tears from his own eyes, hoping she hadn't noticed. He was going to be strong for her even if it killed him.