eldia

30 | violent ends

Mikasa wasn't sure what to do. Her hands were trembling as they fought the urge to stay away from you.

She had walked up at the exact moment Ambrose fell to his death. She saw the way your face twisted in horror when you weren't able to catch him in time. The instant regret washed over you like a tsunami.

She was genuinely in shock. She never would've thought you had that in you. The idea of you just hurting someone was unbelievable so killing them seemed so much more out of reach.

But you did. To make matters even more surreal, it was your brother of all people. She would've assumed that since you lost one brother already and possibly another, you'd do anything to keep the last one standing alive.

She expected more of a fight from you. She expected you to defend Ambrose with your life and say something corny like, "If you want to kill him, you have to kill me first."

You didn't have that fight in you anymore. She could tell by the way your body collapsed onto your knees and the way you hunched into the fetal position with exhaustion.

You were defeated. All the things that kept you going were slipping out of your finger tips and it was taking the most unimaginable toll on you before everyone's very eyes.

And there was nothing no one could do about it. It was too late. Everyone you loved was dead and gone. No amount of advice or hugs could change that.

She wanted to say something. She wanted to do anything but just stand there feeling nothing but useless.

A part of her wanted to stay away, hold onto that grudge from the tunnel where she said she was no longer going to run to your side when you needed it. She wanted to prove her point.

The other part of her ached. How could she just let you go through all of it alone? How could she stand here and watch as you suffer? No matter how much you two fought, she loved you more than anyone else.

Armin and Sasha both catch up to Mikasa now. The two stare at your huddled up body as you just sit there emotionlessly. They don't say anything at all. What does one say in a moment like this anyway?

Suddenly, Mikasa sees your hand reach out for the bloody dagger a few inches away from your face. Your finger shake as they wrap around the handle.

Her first thought was that you were going to kill yourself. Hell, if she was in your position, she probably would too. She couldn't even wrap her mind around what you must be feeling right now.

Considering you lost all your family and now your powers, it seemed like there was no will for you to live anymore. Not even for Jean who Mikasa last saw fighting with Marco and now he was no where in sight.

But instead of bringing the dagger up to your throat or wrists, you keep it held tightly in your hands as you use all your strength to stand up, one leg at a time.

"Wait!" Mikasa finally manages to get herself to speak. "Your le...." She looks at you, utterly speechless when she sees your leg is completely healed again. It was like nothing was wrong with it in the first place.

You turn your head slowly to look back at them. When you meet her eyes, chills shoot up her spine. The light that was permanently engraved into your eyes was no longer there. They were dull and lifeless. 

You were standing up in perfect health. There was no limp or pain in your face each time you took a step. It was like she blinked and you were brand new again.

"I don't understand." Mikasa mutters to herself. "She killed Ambrose. She shouldn't have her powers anymore. How did she heal herself?"

Sasha walks over to the edge of the bridge and peaks over the ledge. When she sees Ambrose's disfigured body, she spins back around with her eyes shut and her hand pressed over her mouth.