No Confessions

Ch11

    "What are you implying?" Mina said in a stern voice. She enjoyed the idea of her and Lucy's Captain, but Mina never realized how much of an effect the person had on them. Both of them.
Alexander collected himself. "Lucy seems the type to keep her word. On everything." He emphasized the word 'everything', attempting to get the point across to Mina. "She may view Captain Westenra simply as an extension of herself. You told me once that Lucy had said something about flowers. Bring us back to that day."
Mina smiled to herself at the memory of that day. The two had gotten back at sunrise from a night quite similar to the one she just went out on. "Someone had left roses addressed to me without a name. She called men unimaginative. She had said that if she were a man courting a woman such as I–she would search for the rarest flower in England and bestow it to me... with her name signed."
Alexander was touched but did not show such things. "What flower did she say she'd bring you?"
"Blue hydrangeas." Mina recalled. Blue to match her eyes and hydrangeas to match Lucy's views of her.
"And what did you find delivered to your door the day after that? I fondly recall how you came to me excited as a schoolgirl." Alexander chaffed.
Mina shifted, finally seeing Alexander's point. "Blue hydrangeas." she muttered under her breath. "What are you implying?"
"Lucy had said that Captain Westenra was enamored by you." Alexander pointed out nonchalantly. "And if Captain Westenra and Lucy are the same person to both you and her..." he trailed off, hoping Mina would connect the dots. She didn't.
"Right, and?" Mina asked, terribly confused. "What of it?" Alexander just looked at her quizzically. "What is it?" Mina asked again, this time more on edge.
"Mina. You are one of the smartest women I know. Yet you cannot see something this obvious, even when it is placed right in front of you. My dear." Alexander chuckled. "Shall I spell it for you?"
"That won't be necessary. Just say it in plain terms!" Mina said, laughing in disbelief. "Alexander!"
Alexander smiled and rolled his eyes. As much as it pained him to say, he said it anyway. "She's in love with you."
"No..." Mina drew out. Alexander couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or was genuinely appalled.
"May I add to my previous?" Alexander asked. Mina nodded. "I believe you may feel the same way...for her."
"I–I do not–I just–" Mina stammered. "I just–I don't know! Perhaps I am! But I'm with Jonathan. And yet I've had positively indecent thoughts of her; yet none of Jonathan. Does that mean something? I don't know!" Mina cried. Her whole worldview was crumbling before her. The more she thought of it, the more her reality threatened to collapse. "But she's a woman! It–it's not right! Not in society, not in books, it's not right!"
"Maybe not in society's ways or in the books society reads to you, but in your heart? It is as right and true as the north. Do not doubt your own heart." Alexander said. He truly meant it; to himself a fraction more than to Mina.
"How I wish to rip it from my chest." Mina sighed. "What am I to tell Jonathan? I asked him. How would he react if I called off the engagement because I happen to maybe, potentially, be in love with another. A woman, at that. Lucy, to worsen things. Alexander, you know that those two like each other as much as the devil likes holy water!"
Alexander sighed. It would be hard, for everyone, if Mina broke things off with Jonathan to be with Lucy. Not only would Jonathan blow up on Alexander, who had originally set the couple together, but Alexander would blow up on himself. To see Mina with another was hell enough. To see Mina with another who wasn't in his private, inner circle, would be a fate worse than hell.
"The choice is yours, Mina. Make your move, we shall be your pawns." Alexander said with a joking bow. "My queen."
"This is no time for jokes, Alexander!" Mina chided. "What am I to do?"
"Whatever you wish." Alexander responded. "I am in no position to tell you what to do in this situation."
"And if I'm asking you to tell me what to do?" Mina asked in a joking manner. "Then what, Alexander? Hm?"
"Then I'd simply refuse." Alexander seemed unmovable.
"Right." Mina huffed. "But honestly, Alexander. You must help me. I have no one else to go to."
Alexander was quite in thought for a moment. "What about that Williams girl? Charlotte?" Alexander wondered aloud. "You had mentioned her in the past. Not exactly your best friend, but you two are pretty close as I recall."
Mina burst out laughing. "Charlotte? Oh heavens no! If she found out that I could possibly be in love with a woman, she'd tell the church! I'd be burned!" Mina laughed playfully. Alexander's face fell. Mina, having a keen eye, caught it. "Alexander? Are you alright?" Realizing Alexander may have bad associations with fire, Mina apologized straight away. "I'm sorry, Alexander. I didn't mean to harm you. Please believe me, I had no ill intentions."
"It's alright. I'm glad I can see your laughter, even now." Alexander said in a solemn tone. "Now what to do about your little infatuation. Tell me, do you wish to end things with Jonathan, then why or why not?"
"I suppose so. If I'm not truly in love with him, I shouldn't marry him. Besides, Lucy doesn't like him and she likes everyone. Actually no, she hates a lot of men." Mina corrected herself. "He walked out on a date we'd planned for months. I suppose that's something."
"Has Lucy pointed anything out?" Alexander asked, chiming in. "Perhaps she has a more blunt point of view."
Thinking back, Lucy has said a great deal of things against her fiancé. "He asked me to cease my work in the medical field. He even thought I'd settle down and become a 'proper English wife' for him. Lucy called him misogynistic, but I won't go that far. Lucy has also told me, I'm many occasions, that she could be a much better boyfriend, fiancé or husband than Jonathan ever could. Oh, my, god."
"What's the matter?" Alexander asked. Mina's face was of awe and embarrassment.
"How could I not notice? All of those 'jokes' as she called them? She really meant all the things she said, didn't she?" Mina asked with a heavy realization. "I am so stupid for not see this earlier! How could I be blind? I'm in the medical field for god's sake! I can't be stupid nor blind, my studies won't allow it!" Mina stood up, pacing around the room, scolding herself.
"Mina, my fair Mina, calm down." Alexander tried to soothe.
Mina whipped around in a fury of emotions. "Then why hasn't Lucy said something?" She asked aloud. "Lucy is a very forward person, she—" Mina stopped dead. "Or perhaps, this is all a pretence on your part! And I'm overthinking things and my head is not on right. Perhaps the alcohol is still messing with my system. Good day, Alexander. Thank you."
"Mina, wait!" Alexander called after her. But Mina was too far away to hear.
"It's just a pretense. Lucy is not in love with me and I am not in love with her. Full stop."