No Confessions

Ch12

"I'm calling off the engagement."
"What." Lucy asked, wide eyed. "Why? I thought you and him were perfect for each other!"
Mina burst, laughed. "Lucy, really! How is it that you speak so ill of my fiance until I want to break up with him?"
"Well I—" Lucy thought for a moment. "Right now, I'm looking after your happiness, not mine. Did Mr Grayson say something?"
Mina looked at Lucy, eyes full of sympathy. She didn't want to lie, but what other opinion did she have? "He made me see things from a...a different perspective. That's all, nothing else." Mina said, averting her gaze from meeting Lucy's. It pained her to lie to her, but she couldn't tell her the truth. Wouldn't tell her the truth.
"Are you sure? Nothing else?" Lucy asked. She seemed to see right through Mina's lie, and it scared her. "Mina, you have no need to lie to me. I can handle anything."
    "How—how was your day? What did you do?" Mina frantically tried to change the subject. "Did you stay in? Go out?"
"Mina." Lucy coaxed, taking her friend's hands. "Mina darling. I wasn't sure then, but I do now. Why are you lying to me? Why are you so desperate to change the topic? What happened?"
Mina took her hands back to herself. A look of hurt shone in Lucy's eyes, tugging at Mina's heart. "Nothing, Lucy. I'm perfectly fine. Besides, you didn't answer me." Mina scolded playfully, hoping to further the conversation away from it's current topic.
Lucy collected herself. "I went to see Jayne." She admitted. Lucy often went to Jayne Wetherby whenever something was troubling her and Mina was out. She usually went to Mina with her problems, but if couldn't, she went to Lady Jayne. Jayne was older by a sum and seemed to be highly independent; at least from what Mina had heard.
Mina and Jayne had met only once–at her and Jonathan's engagement party. She was at first intimidated by the woman, who had a look so fierce it could stop any man in his treds. Though Jayne was evidently older, her strength did not show such. It looked as if Jayne hunted large game in her spare time, unlikely for her being a woman. Mina found herself always on edge around the woman, but she summed it up to Jayne's looks. She was quite intimidating, after all.
"May I ask your reasons for going?" Mina asked. She was curious what business Lady Jayne had with Lucy. Lucy hadn't expressed explicit distress when Mina was with her. "Is something troubling you?"
Lucy hesitated before answering. "No, I just wished for company."
"You could've asked me to stay if you simply wished to have someone with you." Mina stated quite hotly, catching Lucy's attention. Mina felt a strange wave of possessiveness over Lucy. "I—I mean, if you did not wish for my company then I understand that."
"I always wish for your company." Lucy mumbled. "I just needed to ask Jayne something in her expertise area." Lucy added, louder this time.
"Such as?" Mina asked expectantly. "What would Lady Jayne's expertise area even be?"
"Relationships." Lucy said. She said it with such inexpression, as if it were the most common thing known to man.
Mina laughed dryly. "And what would you, Lucy Westenra, need relationship advice for? Do you have yet another suitor? Or worse, another proposal?"
The two laughed at the joke. "I'm aware I complain about suitors a great deal but I didn't take you to be one to insult it!" Lucy said lightly. "Right but, you like your answers."
"Mm, that I do." Mina nodded then broke smiling.
"I just went for confirmation about something. You, actually." Lucy pointed at Mina. "I must say. You are very hard to read."
Mina laughed dryly, not fully understanding what Lucy ment. "You asked Lady Jayne about...me?" Mina asked. Lucy nodded. "What about me? I've barely met the woman! What would she know about me?"
Lucy smirked. "Well, I can be very descriptive. Even about someone as unreadable as you, my dear."
Lucy had been trying to avoid actually answering Mina's questions. She did go to Janye's estate, and it was about Mina, but Lucy was withholding a large amount of information.
Lucy had gone to see Jayne just about immediately after Mina had left. Entering the estate, the butler had asked her to wait unless she had an appointment. Jayne had rushed down, silencing the butler and took Lucy up to a room to talk. Jayne had called for tea and asked what the matter was to Lucy. Lucy explained everything that had happened the last few days. She talked about the kiss her and Mina shared and her concerns about asking for one in the first place. Lucy was filled with stress and anxiety the entire time of explaining. Jayne had to tell her to slow down or to calm down many times during their meeting.
"Lucy? Okay what weighs your mind? Are you hiding something from me?" Mina asked jokingly. Her face fell when Lucy nodded slightly.
Lucy, no matter how much she wanted to, couldn't bring herself to lie to Mina. She confessed everything, breaking into tears halfway through. Moving to comfort her, Mina assured Lucy that she wasn't a bad friend for keeping this from her and that she was entitled to her own privacy. Lucy continued to apologize.
"Stop apologizing, Luce." Mina said to a weeping Lucy. Mina almost sounded like she was asking. "Lucy, come on, you needn't cry any longer."
"Then make me." Lucy mumbled through tears. She was joking with Mina. Even so, half of her wanted to see if Mina would actually try.
Mina was racking her mind of any ways to stop someone from crying. She thought of basic ways such as cheering them up, but that wasn't working currently. She thought of getting Lucy food or something to drink but Lucy never ate when she was upset. For all the years Mina had known her, Lucy only truly needed one thing when she was upset. Affection. And lots of it.
Mina had been attempting to administer that comfort through hugs and pets and hand strokes. Lucy kept crying. Perhaps Lucy's guilt could never be forgiven by herself. Or perhaps she needed more than just hugs and pets. Perhaps Lucy needed affection deemed more ... intimate .
"Lucy dear, tell me if this steps out of line..." Mina said. Lucy looked up, eyes wide, still brimming with tears. "Would you wish for me to kiss you? Would that make you feel better? If I kissed you?" Lucy nodded.
And so, Mina did as Lucy wished.
Lucy nestled closer to Mina, relaxing. Blindly rubbing her lips over Lucy's skin until Mina finds her mouth; she kisses it and drags the tip of her tongue along the seam of it until it parts.
Lucy made a high, sharp noise, then she surged, taking Mina off guard. Lucy wanted nothing more than to feel as much as possible, as much of Mina as possible. In this moment, it didn't matter if Mina was engaged, free or otherwise. In this moment, Mina was hers.
"Better?" Mina asked between breaths.
Lucy smiled. Her tears had stopped flowing, meaning the kissing must've been effective in at least some matter. "Much. But what about Jonathan?" Lucy asked, hesitation heavy in her voice.
"I'm breaking things off with him." Mina told her plainly. "You mustn't worry about him now." she assured Lucy.
Lucy looked at Mina with wide, doe confused eyes. "Why? Why break up with him?"
"I--I'll tell you another time. Yes, another time." Mina lied. She wouldn't tell Lucy why. Couldn't.
Mina's mind became a disaster of thoughts. She weighed all her options of telling Lucy the true reason in contrast to keeping it from her. Mina knew that keeping things from Lucy would amount to nothing in the end.
Lucy was immensely popular and if she wished to know something, she would know. Lucy always had a way of figuring things out, regardless of how hard people tried to hide. If Mina held her information, Lucy would simply find it from elsewhere. Mina would much rather have Lucy learn it from her and not someone elsewhere.
Even so, Mina also couldn't bring herself to hide from Lucy. The girls had been friends all their lives. They knew each other inside out. Mina knew everything about Lucy and Lucy knew everything about Mina.
Almost.
Mina did not know where Lucy's heart laid, nor did Lucy know where Mina's heart laid. If only they knew that they lied with each other.