No Confessions

Ch19

    "Catherine?" Lucy called out in the hall. It was late midnight and Mina had already fallen asleep. Knowing Catherine would be up for another sum of time, Lucy went out looking to ask about what happened earlier that evening.
When Mina had led Lucy into her place, Catherine met them standing on the stairs landing. Upon seeing the two girls, her face seemed to fall in sadness. Lucy promised herself she would ask her about it at a later time.
    Right now, was the later time.
    "Catherine?" Lucy called again. She was nearly by Catherine's room and she debated on just going in. She was a lady of the house so she had all rights to. She also technically had all rights to go through her belongings, room and anything else she chose. But Lucy would never invade Catherine's privacy like that.
    Even though Catherine didn't have elongated hours nor meager pay for those hours, unlike many other maids of their time, Catherine chose to work more hours than she was given. She had started working for the Westenra's around when she was fourteen, a little later than when most young maids would be hired. Lucy herself was around sixteen when Catherine was hired.
     Lucy wondered why Catherine wasn't answering. Perhaps she was sleeping already. Catherine also could not be answering as she is a maid. Taught to be seen, not heard.
    "My–My lady?" Catherine was peeking out from a corner of the hall. "You called?"
    "Ah, Catherine, there you are. Are you well? You seemed upset when Mina and I came home. Is everything alright?" Lucy asked, approaching her maid. Catherine stepped back. "Catherine?"
    "I am just well, my lady." Catherine answered. "May I ask why you are asking?"
    "I thought I made it clear?" Lucy spoke. Catherine, again, stepped back. "Catherine, why must you recede from me? I am your lady, you mustn't be scared of me." Catherine nearly burst out crying. Apologies flooded from her mouth and panic filled her voice. "Catherine? Catherine, you're okay, I'm not mad. Please don't cry. Catherine?" Lucy took her into her arms, something out of character for a member of the house. "I was worried about you as you seemed upset when I got back. What's wrong? Don't cry, Catherine."
    Catherine seemed to be both uncomfortable and comforted by Lucy's hug. "Nothing troubles me, my lady."
    "Bullocks. Please do not lie to me." Lucy said sternly. Almost too sternly.
Catherine squeaked in fear. "Apologies, my lady." She uttered, moving back and bowing in respect. Catherine glued her eyes to the  floor, even after straightening her stance.
Lucy stepped forward. "Catherine, look at me. Please." Lucy asked, placing her hand under Catherine's chin, moving her face to look up at her. Catherine seemed to go red.
"My lady, can I tell you something in confidence?" Lucy nodded. "I think I'm in love with another woman."
'Oh.'
"But I cannot have her."
'Oh.'
"Are you well, my lady?"
"Y–yes. I am fine. May I ask who this woman is?" Lucy asked. Catherine began describing the woman with much zeal. She was a blond woman, short in height and a smile to light up rooms. She was a woman of elaborate tastes, fancy dresses were a must for her. She was kind and generous and in Catherine's words, a complete darling. Her woman was beautiful, stunning even and even when asked to, Catherine said she wouldn't be able to take her eyes from her. Catherine expressed her desires to be affectionate with the other and her wish to be able to love her freely. She voiced her distaste for their modern society and her thankfulness that female homosexuality wasn't criminalized like male homosexuality.
Upon further questions, Lucy learned that Catherine's woman of affections was two years older than she. Making her the same age as Lucy. Lucy ran through her head trying to pick out someone both she and Catherine knew of with the description Catherine had given her. Her thoughts came back empty.
"Oh, two other main points about her. Specifically the reasons I can never be with her." Catherine chimed, continuing her ramble. She had a solemn tone now, but nonetheless, her energy still remained. "She's of a higher status than me and...and she is quite clearly in love with someone else."
Lucy cocked an eyebrow, curious. "Who's the other?"
"Her best friend." Catherine said nonchalantly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Granted, it was. "And she seems very taken with her."
Lucy's eyes widened. "Her?"
Catherine nodded and continued with a melancholy smile. "Her love is clearer than a midday sky. Frankly, I don't think either of them notice it. In my beliefs, the two reciprocate feelings, however, neither will confess. The woman I love will go to great lengths for her love, just as I would. It's one of things I love about her." Catherine sighed, a sad glow in her eyes. "It's quite unfair. Even after all and everything; all I've seen, heard, witnessed; the feelings are still there. It hurts, but it never made me love her any less. Some days, I wish to call her mine, even just for a moment, to know how it feels. I only wish she could teach me how to rise from my fall for her; to learn how to unlove her."
Lucy's curiosity grew with each melancholy line. She wished to know who it was causing Catherine so much pain and yet so much joy. It was simply curiosity, only slightly her heavy heart and favoritism, but curiosity made her ask.
"Did you ever say what this woman's name was? The one which holds your affections." Lucy asked Catherine, head tilting to the side.
Catherine straightened herself and sucked in a breath. "Lucy."
Lucy hummed in acknowledgment. She was slightly surprised at the informality but going by their previous conversation, it wasn't unprompted.
"No, Miss. Her name is Lucy. It's–she's you. The woman I am in love with...is you."
"Excuse me?"