Changed Recently By: Dema

The first thing I remember is the moment when I realized everything was a lie.
The moment when everything crushed in front of me.
The moment when the world became black for me.
***
We had just finished filming another music video and were on our way home.
We were halfway when I started to feel dizzy. My vision blurred for a moment. I set on the nearest bench and just for a moment, everything I saw was blackness.
When I started to feel better, I couldn't recognize the place we were standing in. I looked around again, at the buildings around us and everything seemed to be... Grayer. It seemed like all the colors just disappeared. Even the sky wasn't blue anymore, it was grey and covered in clouds.
"What just happened...?" I asked, not targeting the question to anyone specifically.
- So I'm not the only one who sees it? The world lost its colors?
I heard Nyx who was standing beside me.
Apparently we all experienced it.
I took off the glasses I was wearing (decorative glasses which were the hallmark of my character in our music videos), it felt like they blurred my vision and it just made my headache worse.
- I think we should keep going. We need to rest.
Keelan said what everyone had in mind.
- Yeah, we should. Everybody's okay?
Jay joined the conversation.
Inconclusive answers sounded from each side. Eventually, we decided to go. We were just a few blocks away from our homes.
The rest of the way, I was busy with thoughts. My brain refused to accept what just happened to us. "They must've done something..." I mumbled to myself.
- who?
Jay asked me. I didn't even think of saying it aloud.
- The Bishops.
I answered.
- They probably... Brainwashed us or something.
- Why'd you think they did it?
Nyx interfered.
- You know anybody else who can play with people's minds?
He didn't answer. If I didn't say it, no one else would, but all of us knew it was true. We didn't work close to them, but we did meet them a few times.
At those moments, I started remembering it and understood I barely have any memory of the first meeting with them. It's very blurred in my mind. I barely remember a conversation I had with one of them, but nothing specific. The memory was so fragmentary I almost didn't believe it actually happened.
The next time I met Jay, Nyx, and Keelan. That was the day we were officially announced as a band.
We didn't have a name and none of us could improvise something back at the moment, so we called ourselves "X". After a few songs we released, people seemed to like it, so we kept going on with this name.
Being an artist in Dema is pretty convenient.
Actually... It's more profitable than convenient. As we were announced as a band, every two members got an apartment (we were two girls and two boys, so we preferred living separately). Moreover, we monthly get paid enough to buy ourselves food and stuff.
The job itself is tiring, starting from the filming which sometimes happens at very late hours, finishing with daily concerts for at least two weeks every time we go on a tour.
On the other hand, we get invited to many parties, and sometimes we're hanging out more than we actually work. But that happens rarely.
***
As we got home, everything crushed on me at once. Memories I could've repressed, or maybe we're a part of what the Bishops erased creating this perfect illusion we lived in till this day. It was the moment I realized that the life we lived was just too perfect and it couldn't be true.
Jay also seemed to be concerned about something. It was nice to know I wasn't the only one who was affected by this weird event.
We didn't talk for the whole evening.
I couldn't sleep that night.b
I thought about all the new things I know. It doesn't matter how hard I tried to block it and go to sleep, it was useless.
It's been two hours and I'm still lying in my bed, not able to sleep. And the thoughts are back to driving me crazy.
How can I keep living like this?
***
After a few days, we went on a tour. I forced myself to stay in character even though it was almost impossible. Everything felt like a lie now. It felt like we are lying. Smiling felt like a lie. I don't even know how I found the strength to go on stage again after what happened. The others also didn't seem to be well with performing. We took much more breaks than usual.
After every show we finished, I felt more and more mentally exhausted.
***
Towards the end of the tour, many thoughts came back to bother me again. Among them was the thought of escaping Dema. My brain insisted on it being impossible as Dema is guarded from any existing exit, but I had to. I knew I can't stay there anymore.
I tried to repress those thoughts just until the tour ends. I knew I have to talk about it with the other band members, but they had enough in their minds at the moment and I didn't want to burden them with my problems.
When we finished the tour and we had some time to rest, I decided it was the right moment to talk.
We gathered in our apartment, as it was bigger, and I started to talk about everything we've been through lately.
Everyone talked about what they had in mind and how they coped with it.
Everyone experienced it differently, but all of us felt the confusion and frustration about it.
- I want to run away.
Finally, I decided to say it.
- You're out of your mind? If they catch you, it's...
Keelan started.
- I'll not get caught. I planned everything. You're with me?
I didn't plan anything, but I had to convince them somehow. I truly wanted to escape, but doing it alone seemed frightening and I wasn't sure I'll be able to overcome it alone.
- Where do you have to go?
Nyx supported him
- Anywhere but Dema. I don't care to go. I can't stay here anymore.
The answer was the same from all of them - no. They were scared. I could guess, I was also scared, but I wanted to be free even more.
Dema held me back from being who I am and just now I was able to see it. We lived in the illusion for so long that we forgot the Bishops still rule Dema very strictly. Just now we were able to see how we were actually used.
We were used to making Dema's citizens think it's a good place, but with every day this lie just became more and more noticeable.
So the decision is made. I'm running away all by myself.
***
I walked around the city a few days in a row, trying to figure out how I'm going to get out of the walls. The west wall is the most guarded, so it wasn't even an option. Three options left - north, south, and east.
The north and the south Walls were less guarded, but there still were many guards around the gates.
When I came to the East Wall, my first impression was that there were almost no guards compared to the other three walls. I was walking back and forth near the Wall, trying to figure out the way to my freedom, of course trying not to draw attention.
I saw a small hole in the wall near a bush that grew there. When I went there, I saw it was actually a breach big enough for a grown man to crawl through.
That's it.
I'm escaping tonight.
***
When Jay was asleep, I packed the most important stuff into a bag and went out, heading to the East Wall.
Quietly, avoiding any eye contact with the guards and avoiding their field of vision, I came there and crawled out through the breach.
And here I am, standing by the other side of the Walls.
It was so easy for all this time? Avoiding eye contact with the guards and just doing it...?
That can't be true...
I went going down the forest and farther from Dema. It was dark and very scary, but I kept going because I was afraid I'll get caught if I stay close to the Walls. An hour later, I was still going. Another hour went by, and the forest just kept appearing in front of me, it almost felt like it was getting bigger with every step.
I saw something yellow on a tree in the distance and when I approached the place, I saw the whole area was signed in this color.
I kept going and impacted somebody. He was wearing a dark jacket with a few strips of yellow tape on it. It was dark, but I could recognize him in the moonlight that lighted the forest through the treetops.
His name is Tyler, he's also a songwriter and a singer. He isn't very known, I never heard any of his music, but for some reason, Nico, the Bishops' leader, insisted on him to visit one of our filming sets. That's how I first met him. We had a pretty interesting conversation back then, but I never saw him since.
At this moment I understood what the yellow color represented. It's a known fact in Dema, that the Bishops can't see it. It is the color that represented the rebel. Tyler's one of the rebels.
- Lu?
He asked confusingly and tiredly. It almost sounds like I interrupted his sleep.
- Tyler.
I answered.
- You... What are you doing here?
- ... I ran away. What are you doing out here in the forest?
- Looking for people who... Wait. Did you run away from Dema?
- Yes. I'm wondering here for quite a while.
- Okay, I'm sorry. I'm a little tired. I'm here for more than an hour and a half and I can't write. Follow me, I'll bring you to the camp.
He picked up his bag from the ground and turned to go.
Something in my mind told me to turn around and go back to Dema. The fear started to take control of me again, but I fought it. Tyler said they have a camp, which means more people escaped. Not many, maybe, but there are.
I didn't look back. I don't want to see anymore either Dema's walls or anything connected to the city. I'm free now.
And still, I felt bad for not convincing the others to go with me. I don't even know how they'll explain my disappearing to our manager. All of a sudden, I felt guilty. Just now it hit me. The happiness that filled me when I escaped is gone. Everything I feel now is bad.
We were walking in complete silence.
When the sky opened again above our heads, I understood we were standing in the middle of a beautiful valley, filled with green grass and lots of different flowers.
Upon one of the mountains in the distance, I saw a few yellow tents. I guessed it was the camp he was talking about.
Still, in silence, we kept going. Through the valley, up the mountain, and to the camp.
The camp looked like it was empty, but everybody was asleep. The time was around three or four in the morning. Only one man greeted us with a tired smile, taking Tyler's bag.
- Welcome, by the way. My name's Josh.
He reached out to me. I answered by telling him my name. He smiled back.
Tyler accompanied me to one of the farther tents. On one of the two mattresses, some girl already slept her deep night's sleep. The second one was empty except for a pillow and a blanket. It's my new bed.
I said good night to Tyler and lay on the mattress.
I couldn't sleep, at least not yet. Many different thoughts filled my head and made me wonder if I really needed to escape. Again, I didn't know what the other band members will think when they'll find out I actually ran away, after all, they didn't take my words seriously, they thought it was just a random thought that will not make me take action and do it. Somebody will probably think I was caught near the Walls and they won't ever see me again. For some reason, I thought it'd be Jay.
Eventually, I fell asleep at dawn.
I didn't sleep a lot back in that morning, maybe three hours at best. Anyway, when I woke up, the camp was different. It was full of people, everybody smiling and laughing. It was almost weird.
The clothes of each of them were decorated with some yellow tape which signed him as a rebel. It could be either on their shirt, on their pants, or both. Everybody was supporting the rebel.
I'm still wearing the black hoodie and the dark jeans I came herewith. I'm not a part of the rebel. Not yet.
Tyler was sitting near the dying fire, and a women was beside him.
- Good morning.
I said and approached them.
- Good morning!
The women greeted me, smiling.
- And welcome, of course. My name's Jenna. You're Lu, I guess?
- Lumin, yeah, right.
I smiled at her.
- Eat, you must be starving.
Tyler said and handed me a plate full of... It doesn't really matter, I was hungry and I'd eat anything.
***
The night was down, and I already felt pretty comfortable near the new people I met and now it was time for dinner.
We set around the fire pit after we finished eating, and Tyler and Josh approached me.
- We didn't welcome you properly, so we decided to do it now.
Tyler smiled and reached out to me, hinting me to stand up. Now I was the center of everyone's attention.
- I'm sure you made a long and hard way to come here. It wasn't easy for any of us and that's the reason we're here.
He started.
- From now on, you're one of the Banditos. We will bring the real light back to Dema. Welcome to the Banditos camp.
Josh contained.
Together, they put a few strips of tape on my hoodie.
- Welcome!
Everybody said at once.
That's it.
It's my new life from now on.
I'm a rebel.
I'm a Bandito.

***
Afterwords

It's hard for me to sleep here. At least now, when I'm still new to this place.
Mostly I get out of the tent and go walking around the camp till I'm tired enough and go back to sleep.
This night, it was slightly different.
I saw somebody sitting on the edge of the cliff which was pretty close to the camp and I decided to go check on them and see if they were okay.
When I came there, I realized it was Tyler. He sat there with a notebook on his lap and wrote something.
He heard my steps and turned to face me.
- Hey.
He smiled at me tiredly. It seemed like he also was going through one of those nights.
- Hey.
I answered.
- Come, sit.
He said, pointing at the area near him.
We sat silently for a few minutes. It was a comfortable silence. None of us actually wanted to talk, you could feel it.
- Tyler... May I ask you a question?
I finally broke the silence.
- Yeah?
- Why didn't you tell us the truth about Dema? Back when you met us.
He sighed.
- I knew that if someone will hear me, or found out I told you something, all of us could get in trouble. I was scared. I'm sorry.
I heard some sadness in his voice.
- ... Thank you.
I said and truly meant it. Now, when I thought about it, if he told us the truth, we would probably break apart. I don't know how I would do it back then, or how the others would have. This news was hard enough when we found out on our own. So we probably would blame him and say he ruined our lives.
Now we know, we can blame nobody but the Bishops, who brainwashed us in the first place.
***
A little later I said good night to Tyler and went back to sleep.