Don't let me down

Twenty three (final)

Brook

Billie is been ignoring me, except that she moved out she doesn't even text or call me and when she comes over she is ignoring me like I don't exist. I really hate that.

I'm not mad anymore and I need to talk to her this isn't right, she used to be by my side now everything had changed like I said so.

I'm always on my room I don't dare to go out there so I just sit there, it's better to be alone sometimes. Or always.

My room is a total mess, clothes everywhere, bottles cause I've been drinking and I don't give a shit about anything. Chips bags and that stuff mostly.

I've been drawing in the walls and on the floor also and yea that's a mess.

My parents have been so fucking annoying lately, they say I need to see a therapist and bullshit. Like I want to anyway. They can't make me see go to one.

Therapists are useless they literally do nothing.

That was the first days those days they just gave up on me cause they saw it's not working. Like everyone in my life. But it's also good cause they don't annoy me anymore.

I haven't eaten properly in weeks and I haven't taken a shower and I probably smell bad. Who cares anyway.

Right now I'm playing Minecraft from my bed and it's relaxing. I love that.

I got bored eventually and closed it. Then I saw a full bottle of alcohol in the corner and got up to get it.

What's better that a closed bottle of alcohol, yea nothing.

I opened it and at the start I hesitated but I said to my self what could go wrong with that. So I just drunk as much as I could.

When I took the bottle away from my mouth I felt a big burp coming in the way.

I burped really loud and I just started laughing at myself. I'm so ridiculous.

I'm planning tonight to sneak out and go to my comfort spot to just relax and drink. So peaceful.

I had nothing to do until midnight so I just had to find something to entertain myself.

So I just started drawing random mushrooms on the wall some with eyes other normal other big and other small. Mushrooms was my favourite thing to draw.

Eventually I got bored, I sat back down on my bed wondering what to do.

After a week

All my life I felt something was missing, I couldn't find what it could be. I never liked boys but in the end I wanted to be them.

I'm not myself I think I need changes. In order to be actually happy I need be who I am.

I immediately got up and went to the bathroom searching for my dad's shaver. Ah I found it.

First I carefully cutting most my hair with a pair of scissors. I stopped for a minute and looked in the mirror. Yes this is right.

I then shaved the sides of my head finishing the look. I think I love it. But it still needs a bit of color.

I opened the drawer and found some blue left over dyes from Billie. I guess she forgot to take them. Better for me.

Thank god it was just enough to cover my whole head. My hands were blue and I giggled to myself. I really hope this looks good.

I sat on the toilet waiting for time to pass so I can wash that off me. While I was waiting I was watching TikTok, now a song is stuck in my head I think it's from the despicable me 3, it's called hug me. It's so cool.