deeper beomgyu.
make it hurt more.
beomgyu drew in a shaky breathe as he carved another line into his thigh, watching as the crimson liquid seeped through his skin. it was deep, probably one of the deepest ones he'd created. and it stung horribly. he didn't care though. he needed a release, especially after practice that day.
"beomgyu..." taehyun said from outside the bathroom door.
"yes?" beomgyu replied, grabbing a cloth and wiping the blood off his skin.
"its time to eat," taehyun hoped beomgyu would join them. sure they'd had a check up and beomgyu had been told to lose weight but in taehyun's eyes beomgyu was perfect the way he was. he didn't need to change anything about himself.
beomgyu sighed. although he didn't feel like eating it sounded better to join them than to think about being scolded by yeonjun again for not joining them for dinner.
"i'll be out in a second," beomgyu said as he stood up, inhaling sharply as his thighs began to sting. he grabbed the blade and returned it to the hiding spot behind the mirror, a spot where he knew soobin wouldn't find it again.
he splashed some cold water onto his face and then wiped the water droplets away with his sweater sleeves. his cheeks were already beginning to hollow and dark circles had begun to form underneath his eyes but he didn't care. he'd be gone soon anyways.
the bathroom door opened and taehyun instantly rushed to beomgyu's side, gently grabbing his once warm hand that had slowly begun to turn cold. he pressed a soft kiss to beomgyu's cheek, wishing he could see him smile again.
taehyun was the only one who seemed to notice or care that beomgyu was changing. he noticed how beomgyu would go to sleep late and wake up extra early, running on what only seemed to be maybe a solid three hours of sleep. he noticed the meal skipping, the constant trips to the bathroom during meetings to avoid being scolded.
beomgyu wasn't himself at all.
"i love you," taehyun softly spoke, moving to hug beomgyu for a few seconds.
beomgyu buried his face into taehyun's shoulder. he used to love being held by taehyun, it made him feel safe. although beomgyu was older taehyun was the one who took care of gyu. if a person had seen them together on the street they would've definitely assumed taehyun was the older one.
he doesn't really love you.
he's faking it.
nobody could actually love you.
beomgyu quickly pulled away from the hug and rushed down the hallway to his bedroom, slamming his door shut and locking it. he heard yeonjun yell his name but he ignored it, collapsing onto his bed as tears began streaming down his face.
he couldn't handle it anymore. the voices were growing louder everyday and all they did was remind him that he would never be enough for anyone.
"where's beomgyu?" yeonjun asked as taehyun came to the table alone for the third time that week.
"his room" was all taehyun said before he began silently eating his food.
and alone beomgyu sat, tears in his eyes and he cracked open the bottle of anxiety meds and popped a couple into his mouth.
"beomgyu open the door," yeonjun said, knocking on the wooden door that was covered in band posters and stickers.
ignore him.
he just wants to make you feel bad beomgyu.
beomgyu listened to his thoughts and curled up in a ball on his side. he closed his eyes and covered his ears, ignoring yeonjun as he pounded on beomgyu's door.
one week.
just one more week beomgyu.
and then you're free.
-
do you guys like this? i hope you do.
