talking to myself

062822

Hello, history people looking for my things because I was a hero of my times while alive.

I don't care to do the math right now, it's been a while since the world has been overcome by a deadly pandemic.

👍

But the world is acting like it never happened, so I guess I should, too?

But that's not what this is about.

So life is not very great right now, and the best part is, I've been told not to talk about it with anyone else! :D

And I get it, if I was in that situation I wouldn't want everyone looking at me different either. But then the only person I cAn talk to if I ever wanted to is always sleeping like--

Let me talk to you please???

Maybe they'll be nothing but historical figures like me by the time you're reading this, but have you ever heard of 5 Seconds of Summer?

I'm going with my bandmates to see them for the 2nd time in 3 days :))

And that should be making me really excited and happy and giddy but it's not really.

One, because I'm worried about Ash, since global warming is real and they were performing in Texas when he got heat stroke. I know he's recovering well but I'm still worried about letting him go from like 10 to 200 again so soon. That concert was only a couple days ago.

Two, I don't think I'm traumatized? Probably just paranoid about being in cars now, specifically cars being operated by my father. Because a. he was driving when we got into that one accident (but it was cleared as not his fault so there's that) and b. that whole fun little experience in Canada has made me very worried he'll do it again when driving us there.

So I've been feeling this sense of uneasiness for a little while, kind of like a sense of impending doom but toned down and a little less lethal and a little more jittery.

:D

Plus I haven't thought out my fit yet and I need to know absolutely everything I'll be taking with me because I know I'll need to bring tons of water but I haven't looked into that at all and I'm really more stressed than I am excited.

PluS there's been the added stress of all the summer work I've been given, including my summer classes I'm literally just doing a whole school day every day, and I need to learn how to drive, and I need to start studying for the SAT, and I need to get a job, and I need to start exercising again not just for looks but because I feel like I'm seriously in some sort of dangerous condition right now, and I need to just clean my damn room let alone redo it like I said I'd do for the past year.

And I never get to do anything but my summer work and rant here or on Twitter about all the other things I need to be doing but I'm not doing, so the loop is just endless.

Thankfully my two online courses end in a couple of weeks, so by then all I'll really have to do is my English work and a little math every day. Then I can really buckle down and spend more time on studying and sprinkle in some drivers-ed here and there. And maybe get a job in between I don't know I'd like to be able to drive myself to my own job but I won't be able to do that until next year, so maybe I should just wait until winter break next year?

And that would remove at least one of the small stresses......?

Anyway.

I just realized I have nowhere to go...?

Like, digitally. I thought the internet was supposed to be some sort of nice escapism moment where I don't have to face reality for a few hours.

Except when I get bored of my rotation (which is literally just Twitter and Youtube) I realize I literally don't have a purpose to be on here but then I also wouldn't like to face whatever I'm feeling because the whole reason I went online in the first place was to get away from that.