you ruined us.

006

"is the person you're talking about.. me?"

there seems to be no air coming to my lungs. I'm quite literally shaking. I can't respond.

I feel billie squeeze my hands and then I feel her let go of one. then next few moments feel like they're moving in slow motion. Billie puts her hand on my neck and crashes her lips against mine. my body freezes but my lips move in sync with hers.

the hand billie let go of, moves to her chin, pulling her in even more. we pull back to catch our breath and make eye contact. she puts her forehead on mine and closes her eyes. we stay like that for a second and she leans back in a panic, she takes her hands off of me looks like she just saw a ghost. am I that bad of a kisser?

"I'm so sorry. I shouldve- I should've asked you before i- fuck I'm sorry." she said putting her hands on her head. "billie.. don't apologize." she looks up at me and smiles, I hold my arms out for her to lay with me.

she wraps her arms around my waist and tucks her head in my neck. I wrap my arms around her and run my hands through her hair. "can I tell you something?" I mumbled into her hair. Billie hums in response. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what I'm about to tell her.

"please don't interrupt me when I say this. I need to get it all out right now or I'll never say it." she sits up and nods. "ok so,I've... I've loved you as more than your best friend for a long ass time. like I've been in love with you since I was 13. well, that's when I realized it." I clear my throat.

"uhm. I don't know. I've always felt unseen by everyone but you. like when I think back, the only people I've ever felt wanted by was you and maggie. and finn. but, you get it." she chuckles.

"you're the only person I've ever even thought about in a different way... not in like a sexual way.... I mean... unless...uhm.. i... yeah okay let me shut up." I put my head down, trying my hardest to not see her face.

"can I talk now?" She asks softly, I hum in response. I sit shakily, playing with my bracelets trying to make it less obvious. I hear her sigh and I'm scared shit less.

"you just said... exactly how I feel." she says with a chuckle. no fucking way.. "I came to terms with that a while ago too. I just- I didn't ever wanna make you uncomfortable. but I did notice when you started looking at me differently, I wasn't gonna complain but, it was nice feeling like there was atleast a little bit of hope that you could possibly like me at some point." she laughed at her own words.

"then I started being real bold with you. like earlier. sorry about that, by the way. I just, I thought that if i was more bold you would catch the hint and ask me out but, yeah." she said. I'm gonna end it right now. she wanted me to ask her out? no shot.

I looked up and saw she was staring at me. I didn't realize that I was tearing up until I felt billie reach over and wipe the tears that were threatening to fall. she kept her hand there for a moment and I smiled. she smiled back and we made eye contact.

my body felt like it was on fire. her hand was sinking into my skin in the best way possible. she scans my face I see her eyes land on my lips.. should I go for it? fuck it.

I lift my hand and place it on her neck. I lean in and I see her eyes close, giving me permission to kiss her. I close my eyes and attach my lips to hers. if felt like we were the only people in the world. our lips danced together and I felt like my heart was going to explode. we pull away and she smiles out of breath. I shoot her a smile back and she pulls me in again.

my heart was beating out of my chest. she pushes her tongue against my bottom lip and I gasp, letting her slip her tongue in my mouth. out tongues fought for dominance and I let her win. she crawls onto my lap and grabs my neck, my hands drift to her waist, just above the waistband of her sweats.

we stay like that for a while and we finally pull away, neither of us really wanting to but still pulling away to not go any further than we're ready for. we get up and go to the bathroom to brush our teeth.

once we're done with getting ready for bed, we go back to her room and lay down. I wrap my arms around her waist and she runs her hands through my hair. my face is buried in her collarbone area and we fall asleep in eachother arms.