But now i'm bleeding.

part3

'Karls? Are you ready?' Her dad asked from the doorway.

Karlie was still sitting on that foreign white sofa, looking down at that beautiful, familiar page of polaroids. She looked up at her dad standing proud in his specially brought pressed suit. He looked older than she remembered in the shadow of the door frame. He looked a little stressed even, glancing back and forth from her and the hallway beyond. He had that hurried look he got before setting off to the airport or a recital. Across the room Karlie was perfectly still. 'Dad, am I doing the right thing?' She asked hesitantly, eyes not leaving her photo album.

For a moment he was taken aback before those familiar features softened into a knowing look. One he had given her countless times as a teenager when life got so busy it clouded her view forward.

'You and Josh have been together for seven years now. You know him and i know you. Your doing the right thing for everyone. Wasn't it just last week when you couldn't stop telling me how Josh was the one for you. He can give you a good life and you know I wouldn't just say that. It's normal to be a bit scared, I was before I married your mother. But Karlie it's okay if you want to pull out. It's not too late.'

It was the most words she had ever heard him say in one go. She hugged him and buried her face into his suit jacket. It was irrational but she still felt like today she was crossing a line that she wouldn't come back from. Like marrying Josh would in some way divide her from her family.

'Okay.' She said quietly, resolve filling her face. 'I can't believe i'm about to get married dad.'

He smiled at her. 'No I can't believe my little girl's about to get married. Let's not leave the poor guy waiting too long.'

They made their way out of the back of the house. It was a final walk that felt like forever and not long enough for her father. His eyes never left where his daughter's arm wraps his. It was tightly wound until they turned that final corner and she saw Josh for the first time in days. He was between two tall beech trees, one hand running through his hair the other hung awkwardly as he shifted his weight. For one who relied on confidence in board meetings, she had never seen it outside of a business suit. Until his eyes met hers across the trees and his eyes lit up and his quiet confidence shone through her. This was her Josh. And she knew their life together was going to be okay.

The ceremony was a blur. All she could see was his blue eyes and the smile that he couldnt stop giving her. And then he was holding her hand and slipping on a delicate gold band with shaking hands.

'You may kiss your bride'

She heard it being said, she saw Josh getting closer, she felt herself moving forward. She heard her sisters clapping and somewhere way back her grandma blowing into a tissue. She waited for the feeling of those familiar lips to press against her own. To be Mrs Kushner.

Except it never came.

She was in bed, sweating in her old nicks t-shirt and a pair of boxers. The sound of car horns and that endless drone that only people can make filtered through the window. She was back in the city.

Back in her apartment. Back in her bedroom. Her bedroom, not Josh's. Panic, pure unadulterated panic set in as she scanned the room with frantic eyes. The pictures of her and Josh's trip to Vienna last year were gone. His pajamas weren't on his side of the bed. His laptop, the thing he carried literally everywhere, which lived wherever he was, even if that was on some far-flung island with just Karlie, wasn't there. Its indentation on his bedside table was gone. It was as if he had never even been here. What was going on? The thought made Karlie sway back, balancing on the edge of her the cream linens of her unmade bed. Surely it couldn't have been a dream. A few minutes ago she had become Mrs Kushner, she had married Josh. She was about to start the life she had dreamed of. This was a joke. Maybe she did drink too much at her bachelorette party. Except, that was in LA. And this was definitely New York she realised as she swung her head out of the window. This apartment, the place she had avoided for the last year. She pulled at her favorite nightshirt, twisting and searching every inch for the hole that had been made whilst she hung up pictures last year.  It wasn't there, even when she walked over to her mirror to get a better look. The hole had been slowly growing these past months and now it was completely gone. Cara and Jordan had gone too far this time, it was starting to get a little scary.

On the third lap of her room, a sudden buzzing sounded from the bathroom connecting to her room. Her phone, of course, she would ring Cara up and tell her exactly what she thought of her latest prank. That had to have been the most real dream she had ever had.  Her friend had evidently gone so far as to switch her phone too, an old silver iPhone 6. You couldn't say Cara ever did anything with half a heart. It was her mom calling.

'Finally Mom your timing is amazing. Do you know what Cara is up to? Is this some kind of bachelorette thing? Because I had the craziest dream last night. It felt so real. Have you spoken to Josh? None of his things are here and I can't find my phone.'' The words came tumbling out of her as she struggled to arrange her thoughts.

'Slow down honey' she said laughing down the phone. 'Did you say bachelorette? Who do you know that's getting married? You're a bit young for that don't you think. I'm just ringing to remind you that next week is your dad's birthday and I've managed to get a reservation in the city. I know youre working but It's for 7 O'clock so just text if you're going to be late'

Karlie knew what her mom sounded like when she was lying and this wasn't it. 'What?' she breathed down the phone.

'Seriously Karlie I've been telling you this for weeks. 50 is a big one and I want to make it special for him, he's had a hard few months at work.'

Her dad was 55 next week, definitely not 50. They had planned the wedding around her dad's birthday so that they could celebrate together before the honeymoon. Josh was taking him golfing in the morning whilst she and her sisters set up a surprise party for him. They weren't going for a meal.

'What place is it again mom?'

'You know its La Genouille. Your dads been talking about going to that place for years. You said it was amazing when you went last month. I've only just stopped seeing that Mushroom Souflee in my dreams. God knows you went on about it enough.'

La Genouille. That was where they had all gone for her dad's fiftieth four years ago. She had to talk to Josh. He was terrible at jokes, he'd put an end to all this.

'Okay mom this was funny at first but now it's not. Can you get a hold of Josh for me? The wedding is tomorrow and I need to make sure he's done everything. You know how he forgets.'

'Josh? Are you feeling alright honey? I thought you weren't speaking. And what's this wedding you keep going on about?'

'What do you mean? My wedding! Come on mom, Cara and Jourdan already gave me enough alcohol last night to last the next ten years. I cant handle bachelorette day 2.'

'Are you pulling my leg?'

'What! No mom i just had a crazy dream last night that the wedding already happened. I was really scarred mom and then the girls brought out this album and it was perfect until i saw the first page. I think it was hers. And all of a sudden it felt like i couldnt do it, like i was wrong. But then dad calmed me down and we walked down to the forest and it was all so perfect.'

Karlie had forgotten to breathe during her speech, but her mom sure had'nt as a torrent of worried sounding noises came out of her phone

'Karlie im coming down there. Are you sure you're feeling quite right? Do you have a temperature? You're not making any sense. Do you want me to call Taylor?'

The words stopped Karlie's pacing dead. Taylor. Why would her mom call Taylor not Josh or even one of the girls. They were all in town. She glanced down at the phone in her hand.  There was a small sticker in the corner. A tiny cat swiping at her camera with its grey paws. This was no second-hand phone planted by Cara. This was her phone. And it was brand new.

'Sorry mom, ive got to go, someones at the door. Dont come down im fine. Love you. Bye.'
Karlie quickly got out before hanging up on her mom whose goodbye was cut short. Karlie could already see the replacement text instead but ignored it, searching for the most recent message on her phone.

Taylor, 11 pm Goodnight babe. See you tomorrow. Xx