But now i'm bleeding.

Part4

What the fuck was going on? This couldn't be happening. Was it the stress of the wedding? Was this a dream? Karlies head felt like a washing maching She needed to go for a run. Karlie grabbed her gym clothes from where she knew they would be, the last drawer of her dresser, and flew out of the door. She set a hard pace as she ran her usual route around central park in the blistering heat. It had to be almost midday by the way the sun stayed in her eyes, blinding her for the last half hour. She even had to sit down and out of the sun halfway through, something she couldn't remember ever doing since moving here. The cool shower when she got back to the west village was when her heart stopped beating quite so violently. Suddenly she felt bone-tired, like it had all caught up to her, like she had been awake for days. Her memory was telling her that she had been. So she crawled back in bed after drying and putting on a fresh T-shirt and shorts. She was probably just sleep-deprived and stressed over the wedding anyway. A few hours wouldn't hurt anyone.

It was seven o clock when her doorbell rang. A gratingly loud chiming that dragged a half asleep Karlie out of bed for the second time that day. Hunger was gnawing at her after not eating all day so she grabbed an apple on her way to the front door. One she instantly regretted opening, as a smiling Taylor greeted her on the other side.

'Karlie! Ive been texting you all day. Now i can see why you haven't answered.' She laughed as she sauntered her way through the doorway and into Karlie's apartment. With perfect grace and completely at ease she disappeared into the kitchen. Karlie simply stood frozen in the doorway.Taylor was here. And she was smiling at her, for her. It had been almost a year since she last saw the woman that she thought she would marry. The woman she thought she would grow old with. The woman she thought would be enough. But it wasnt enough,not in the end. Not when being with her meant fighting the whole world just for stolen glances and secret kisses in dressing rooms and empty corridors. To leave Taylor had felt like a hollowing of her soul, making the world a little more grey. But Josh came back. Now she had someone whose love she could scream from the rooftops, could marry, could have children with. She had been waiting for Taylor, happy at her side even if it was two steps behind, until she realised that she would be waiting forever.

It had been an unusually hot day for May. The air was heavy with pollen, the absence of wind stifling instead of serene, as she crept in through the back gate for the last time. With sore feet and a damp tank top she was greeted with the most beautiful scene in all existence. She was sunbathing over the pool, a glass of the pink lemonade Karlie made yesterday beside her, as she read through squinted eyes. It was her expressions as she read that never left her. Her beautiful expressional Taylor. And she had still left her.

How could she ever face her again?

The smell of chinese takeout wafted through the apartment. Taylor must have planned for dinner. Which meant she was planning on staying the night, at least it did before. And as much as she wanted to escape into the night, to never face the girl whose heart she had broken so absolutely, she really was hungry. She hadnt eaten a lot yesterday to make sure she wasnt bloated for her wedding dress. She needed more than an apple 32 hours later.

So she started a slow walk to the next room where the love of her life stood waiting to eat takeout and watch bad tv. The how and why was forgotten for now. Taylor had already started playing her favourite episode of Grey's Anatomy, probably since it wasnt allowed to ever leave the first spot  in her planner.
'I got us chow mein!' Taylor called out as she grabbed plates and forks from the cupboards quicker than Karlie could remember where everything was. 'Oh, and extra chips seeing as you stole all of mine last week.' Walking towards the sofa, she turned round and pulled her delicate features into a frown, crossing her blonde eyebrows as she did so. The result was looked so similar to that last time that Karlie was almost too scared to sit down with her. 'Relax! Im just joking silly. I promise i dont mind if you eat all my chips again tonight.' She said before planting a practised kiss on Karlies cheek.

'Oh. Okay' Karlie responded quietly. She could barely look Taylor in the eyes let alone deal with the lingering feeling of her lips on her cheek. How was she going to get through tonight? 'Um Taylor' She began hesitantly, 'What day is it?'

'Tuesday'

'No, like the date'

'The 16th.'

'Of?'

'How deep was your sleep babe?' She said through a laugh as Karlie sat down on the armchair next to her. 'Its the 19th of April 2015 to be exact. One week until I get to see my favourite sisters and two weeks until my tour starts to clarify, for the most sleepiest person ive ever known.'

2015. This had to be a dream. She had lived this day already. This wasn't meant to be happening, not on her wedding day. This was too much. Her stomach started to cramp up as her chest felt suddenly too heavy. She was going to cry, and in front of Taylor too. She couldnt ruin such a happy Taylor with this . She wasn't sure if she should even tell Taylor. And yet she would explode if she didn't tell anyone. As the first hot tear ran escaped down her cheek she tried to cover her mouth to muffle her sobs. She hoped the TV would drown them out if that didn't work out.

But the girl sitting opposite had made a career out of listening. Taylors eyes were on her in an instant.

'Oh Karls. Whats wrong baby?' She said, leaning over to be closer to Karlie. 'You know i didn't mean anything by that. You're actually the most beautiful, awakest person i know' Taylors face was still open, eyebrows pulled up in an attempt to make Karlie laugh. She diddnt know Karlies world was falling apart. How could she? This happy, kind girl that she never let in.