The Fall I Fell In Love

The End of the Summer Part 2

I looked between Conrad and Steven in fear. I knew how Steven would feel about me being with Conrad, especially given how close Steven was to Jeremiah.

"Steve, listen," I started, but he cut me off, walking over to me with so much intensity that I almost wanted to hide behind Conrad. The thing is, I knew Steven wouldn't hurt me, but I wasn't so sure that he wouldn't hurt Conrad. If anything, Conrad should be the one hiding.

"Belly, how could you do this to Jeremiah? It's bad enough that you're going to ruin the whole group dynamic by dating Jere, you thought you should hook up with Conrad too?"

I looked out at the horizon, trying to think of something to say to defend myself, but I came up blank. I knew I was making a mistake, I didn't need Steven to tell me.

"Hey, lay off her, it's my fault. I kissed her," Conrad lied. That second kiss, the one Steven interrupted, was totally started by me.

"You're damn right it's your fault. She's my little sister." As Steven talked, his voice continued to grow louder. "If I didn't know what was going on with your mom, I swear to God, I'd—"

"You'd what? Steven, just because you're older than me doesn't give you the right to tell me how to act. I'm not a child anymore, I'm sixteen! I made a mistake," I interrupted, not wanting to find out how Steve's sentence ended.

"Yeah, some mistake. A mistake is a typo in an email or forgetting to submit a homework assignment. A mistake is not making out with the brother of the guy you just started seeing! And if you don't want to be treated like a child, then maybe you should stop acting like one."

I clenched my hands into fists, glaring at my brother.

"You're one to talk! Wasn't it just the other day that you were hooking up with Taylor, my best friend, when you say you're with Shayla?" I started growing even more mad, my anger fueled by guilt.

"Guys, stop!" Conrad nearly shouted, and I looked over at him. "We've all messed up, but if we don't stop yelling at each other, someone is going to overhear."

Steven and I were silent, and I could tell from the annoyed look on his face that there was more he wanted to say, but that he also knew it wasn't worth ruining the end of the summer for, especially given the news we had just found out about Susannah. Everyone was hurting right now, it wasn't the time to get into a huge fight, and it also probably wasn't the time to tell Jeremiah. I figured I'd take a step back from things with Jere until the dust had settled, and then I'd tell him what happened with Conrad.

"Hey, I thought you guys might be down here," Jeremiah said, coming to stand beside Steven. "I was thinking maybe we could go get muffins for the moms," he added with a smile that didn't reach his eyes, which were slightly puffy from the amount he had cried last night. I wanted to go and hug him, and I realized it was more of a platonic desire. I wanted to comfort him as a friend because I had loved him as a friend, and now I'd have to look at my best friend while he's in pain and know that I had done something that would add to his hurt.

"Yeah, Jere, that sounds like a great idea," I said, returning the same forced smile he had given to us. "We should all go." The thought of being alone in a car with Jeremy right now sounded like a recipe for disaster. I could picture us sitting there in silence until I couldn't take it anymore, and then I'd have no choice but to blurt out, "I kissed your brother on the beach right after finding out that your mom is sick".

"Sure, I'll drive," Conrad nodded, and Steven rolled his eyes, but Jeremiah wasn't looking at him. Jere's full attention was on me now, and as much as I wanted to walk to him and wrap my arms around his waist while burying my head in his chest, I just knew it would make it that much worse when I eventually told him what happened. I wanted my actions to be because of a desire to make Jeremiah feel better, but I didn't want that desire to be driven by guilt.

"I just need to run back to the house to grab my phone," I said before jogging back toward the house. Yes, I needed my phone, but I also needed to get out of that situation so I could think clearly. It's hard to solve your problems when you're still right there in the middle of them.

I got back to the house and opened the back door slowly, not wanting to wake the moms if they were still asleep. It was early, like 6:30 in the morning, and while I knew all the kids had trouble sleeping, I wasn't sure if the same was true for Susannah and my mom.

I stepped into the kitchen as quietly as I could, but I heard the moms' voices coming from the family room. I knew I should say something so they knew I was there, but I was also curious to hear what they had to say, and I knew they'd be more honest with each other without me there. I knew that the reason for keeping Susannah's cancer a secret was that they didn't want to worry us kids, but I wish I had known so I could've focused more on spending time with her. If there was anything else that they were hiding to protect us, I kinda wanted to know.

"I'm going to need you guys so much this fall," Susannah said. "I spent hours last night looking at different treatment plans that my doctor sent. I hate the idea that the boys thought I was giving up on them. I just wanted to be able to enjoy whatever time I had left without being confined to a hospital bed, especially when the outlook still isn't great."

I heard my mom sigh, "I can't imagine how hard this has been for you. Especially with Adam out of the picture. We'll be there for you every step of the way. I'm sure Belly and Steven will more than understand."

What will we understand?

"I can't ask you to do that," I heard Susannah reply, and I could picture her shaking her head at my mom.

"You didn't ask, I want to. Conrad has spent so long keeping this to himself and trying to take care of you the best he can, I'm doing this for him too."

The door was still open behind me as I stood and listened. What is my mom doing for Conrad and Susannah? What will Steven and I understand?

I was sure the longer they talked, the more questions I'd end up with, so I decided to make my presence known by exaggerating the sound of my footsteps in the kitchen entryway, while shutting the door louder than usual without quite slamming it.

I walked casually into the living room, trying to act like I didn't have a million questions running through my head. I had come to the house to escape the situation by the beach, but I found myself even more overwhelmed now.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" I asked Susannah.

"I'm okay, thank you Belly. Just tired, but beyond that I feel fine," she replied, giving me a reassuring smile.

"What are you doing up so early?" My mom asked, and I shrugged.

"I just couldn't sleep. None of us could, really." I stated, then watched Susannah's expression change to one of disappointment and guilt, knowing that the reason we had trouble sleeping was because of her being sick, so I tried to make it sound less negative. "We all wanted to make sure we enjoyed the rest of the summer and that we got to spend enough time together and with you two. I was up trying to plan for the end of the summer." It was such a lie. I had been up crying for hours about the thought of losing a woman who was like a second mother to me, but this was the kind of lie that made everyone feel better. It was good that the kids knew what was going on, and I didn't want Susannah to feel somehow at fault for darkening the mood, as if she had any control over her illness.

"I'm just up here to grab my phone before heading back down to the beach," I smiled. "We'll be back to the house soon though!"

Susannah's eyes lit up at the thought of us kids still having a good summer after everything that had been revealed the night before, and they both said their goodbyes as I grabbed my phone and ran back down to the beach.

Everything with Susannah certainly put my own drama in perspective. Life can change so quickly, and it only lasts so long, and keeping the truth from Jeremiah would mean wasting time that he could spend moving on. I wouldn't bring it up today, today would be about family, but in the next couple of days I would speak with him and try to let him down.

As I reached the three boys on the beach, I had two thoughts running through my head:

Life's too short, and What the hell were the moms talking about when my mom said "Belly and Steven will more than understand"?