The one that got away

Chapter 7

"To friends," I held up the glass and smiled brightly, "I missed you guys so much."

I was on my third shot of something strawberry when I felt the room start to spin. Bellamy took the shot glass, "I think that's good."

I rolled my eyes at him and then grabbed the glass of wine I had poured. I was feeling my buzz, glad to be surrounded by friends once again. I walked back into the living room, falling down into the chair I had shared with Dylan a half hour ago. My eyes glanced up the steps, I kept hoping she wouldn't wake up. I didn't want to be pulled away from this night. Right now I didn't want to play mommy. I wanted to be Clarke, the Clarke I was before John came into my life.

Raven was dancing around in the silence and smiled at me, "Clarke I've missed this. We're never too old for these kind of nights."

I laughed, "tell me that again tomorrow when I wake up with a hell of hangover. We aren't 21 anymore."

She shimmed her hips, "no but we aren't thirty either. Relax mommy, drinking is still fun for us."

I waved my hand at her and she walked towards Finn. She straddled his lap as she danced and I looked away. I took a sip of my wine, watching everyone else file into the room. After the three shots we took, we had lost the enthusiasm. Octavia walked out hand in hand with Lincoln.

I thought back to that night when we were eighteen. We all gathered in their basement and did this same thing. We snuck wine down and got so drunk Bellamy's mom woke up and yelled at us all. It was worse than that, she waited until we were hungover to yell at us. I can still remember how mortified Bellamy had been. I smiled just remembering how he complained about that moment until we actually turned 21.

My eyes swept over the room and I found him standing in the doorway to the kitchen, drinking his beer. He held the bottle between two fingers, listening to something Monty was saying. He might have been listening to Monty, but he was staring at me. I felt the heat in my cheeks. I wasn't sure if it was from the drinks or from him staring. Either way I was warm all over.

"We should play a game," I decided as the room got quiet, "it'll be fun."

Raven sat down on Finn's lap and nodded. She took a drink of his beer and burped. Everyone found a seat. Bellamy sat down on the end of the couch closet to me. I could tell he was worried about me. He had been watching me ever since we started drinking. He thought I was having a breakdown. After all so much in my life had changed in the last twenty four hours.

Little did he know, I wasn't breaking down. This was the most put together I had been since I left that house.

I took another sip and then looked at him. I narrowed my eyes and raised my eyebrows. He held my gaze, "Bellamy," my words weren't formed right, "truth or dare."

He laughed, shaking his head, "aren't we a little old for this game?"

I shrugged, "aren't we old enough to have our shit together? But look at me, getting divorced at 24 from a man who gets his kicks by hitting me," I took another drink and everyone got a little more sober, "so let's pretend we're not too old for this game tonight."

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He pulled back and did this thing he always did when he was nervous. He twitched his nose up and sucked in his upper lip. I knew he didn't want to play by that motion right there, "fine. Truth."

I finished my glass, smiling over the top of it at him. Octavia was as drunk as I was. She was sitting beside her brother, staring at me. I could tell she wanted me to ask a good question. She was trying as hard as she could not to speak up herself, "why'd you kiss me before your date with Roma?"