Highschool Sweethearts

1

  I always feel as if Im odd, like I would never find someone who could relate to me.

  From elementary to year 12, I've always been an outcast. I've only ever had 1-2 friends that half the time forgot I existed. Some days I'll sob for hours about how nobody likes me and that Im just a ''poor girl'' with no self-confidence. But other days I would watch a movie, read a book, or do absolutely nothing and realize that I am so grateful I have almost nobody to talk to (other than my cat, Ellie) because I get to do as much crap as I want to do in my free time without worrying if anyone will judge me.

  I've always hated crowded places like clubs, school cafeterias, etc. Don't get me wrong, I like to have fun. It's just that I feel uncomfortable with lots of people around me. My mum used to bring me to her workplace when I was younger. She had horrible co-workers you could imagine. Since my mum was a teenager when she had me, her boss always pitied her. Thanks to his ''kindness'', my mum could bring me there. While she was in her twenties with a 5-year-old daughter, her co-workers were in their mid-forties.

  They would make fun of my mum. They would call her a slut, a whore, a hooker. They made up lies about her. I hated them all. So one day I stole mum's notebook and threw it in one of the worker's faces. It shut her up, but it also got mum in trouble so I decided not to throw books at mean people. I still think she deserved it though.

  Mum got pregnant with me when she was 16. Her boyfriend at the time was a proper idiot. Thanks to my biological father's stupidity, I was born. Mum wasn't financially capable of taking care of me after my bio-dad left. So she had to get 3 jobs to take care of me. I sometimes feel guilty because of what my mom when through because of me. But Maya assures me that it's not my fault.

  Maya is my best friend. But we're not best friends. The difference between being best friends with someone and someone being your best friend may seem very little but actually, it's a lot.

  Maya's the person I'm closest with. She's the one I go to when something happens. When I think about my friend, she's the first one to come to mind. But to Maya, I'm just some random girl who she's friendly with. She never texts, calls or thinks about me first. I'm the one who starts conversations, and I'm pretty sure that if I didn't talk to her, she wouldn't talk to me. That's the difference between being best friends with someone and someone being your best friend.

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 IT'S 2022, I'M in year 12, and I'm so glad that school is gonna end in 2 weeks. I haven't made a single friend, I hate everyone in my year (except Maya) and I'm pretty sure that everyone else hates me too (except Maya, who pities me).

  After this monstrosity of a school year, you would think that I wouldn't even want to go to an end-of-the-year party. I mean,  who would I even want to see there?

  Maya. Maya was the answer. I wanted her to text me, call me, come to my house, even give me a goddamn invitation to that party. (it's Maya's end-of-the-year party). I wanted her to come and talk to me or something. To be honest, she's not even that nice. She's just some random girl whose attention I seek for some idiotic reason.

  But right now, none of that matters. I don't know if I was drinking, on drugs, or psycho when I decided to go to the party, but here I am, in front of Maya's door. Wishing that a giant rock falls on me because I need an excuse to not go to this party thing.         

  Just as I was plotting my escape, Maya spotted me from her backyard. Great.

"HEYYYYY MARY!" she yelled
"Oh... Hey!"
"Come here! Party a little with us."
"Alright." I wanted to throw myself in that stupid campfire, burning my body would be better than this.

I get a drink, sit down and hope everyone ignores me. Maybe if I pretended that they didn't exist, they would think the same.

I look at my phone. It's only been 7 minutes since I last checked the time. I planned to stay until 10:00, fake a call with my aunt, and run the hell out of there. Easy right?