the puppeteer (a.f.i)

0.2

I laid down on my bedroom floor, staring up at the blank ceiling.

It was my senior year and I hadn't been to school in a month. I had barely even left the house. I just couldn't bring myself to do anything.

A knock came from my bedroom door. I rolled onto my stomach, pretending to sleep so whoever came in would think I was sleeping. The sound of the door opening with footsteps following filled up the room.

"Ash, I know you're awake." It sounded like my friend, well ex-friend, Finn.

"Finn, can you just please go away," I mumbled while rolling onto my back to look up at him. "What do you want anyways?"

"Well you haven't been to school in forever, and you're not answering any of my texts, so I came to check up on you," he sighed while sitting down on my bed.

"I don't need anyone to check on me, can you just leave?"

"No. Your mom told me you haven't even left the house in weeks, so I'm gonna take you out today," he said.

"Why?"

"Because your mom told me to. She's worried about you, okay?"

"No she's not. She hates me. And do I really have to come? And what would we even do?" I had no desire to move or go anywhere at all.

"Yes, you have to come, and I just wanna talk to you. So get off your ass and get dressed."

"No," I mumbled while burying my face into a pillow.

"Well you have to come. Please, just come. If you do this I promise I won't bother you again," he said with pleading eyes. I bit my lip and kind of just stared up at him for a while. He had brown eyes that looked so big, but became so small whenever he smiled or laughed. I hadn't seen Finn smile in a while. He also had thick wavy brown hair that would fall into his eyes, but he'd refuse to cut it until he couldn't see at all. Finn was probably my best friend and I really didn't understand why he was still giving me a chance. I should be giving him a chance.

"Fine." I saw a sign of relief in his eyes as he sighed.

***

I stepped into Finn's old Ford pickup truck he bought when he first got his license. It's name is The Turd. Don't ask.

"So where are we going?" I asked him as he turned on the radio, some random alternative song spilling out.

"You'll see."

"What did you wanna talk about?"

"The fact that you disappeared for two months and people are saying you killed a girl," he said pushing his hair out of his eyes.

"I left for two months because I did kill a girl," I stated staring directly in front of me at the road.

"You didn't kill her, she committed suicide, Ash."

"Well I think I caused it Finnegan." Finnegan is his real name and he's pissed every time I call him that. I can't blame him though.

"You do know that other people were mean to Lennon too, and they still came to school."

"Her name was Lennox."

"Okay, whatever. Can you just get over it?" I looked down at the floor, wanting to cry, but I couldn't in front of him.

"I can't fucking get over this Finn!" I bit my lip trying not to cry. "Don't you realize that? I fucking killed a girl!"

"No you didn't! She chose to kill herself!"

"Well I'm the reason she did it," I mumbled under my breath.

"No. You're. Not."

"Yes I am!"

"Why does it seem like you want to be the one that killed her?"

"I just don't want anyone else to have to suffer knowing they killed a girl!" I screamed then hitting my head on the dashboard. I started crying. And I couldn't stop.

"Get over it already! She's dead and never coming back!"

"Is that what you did about your dad? Did you just get over it, just act like he never existed?" Finn's dad died when he was 12, and he wasn't over it whatsoever. He acted as if he didn't care, but there was this one time at a party where he got drunk and I stayed sober, and he just broke down and cried for six straight hours.

"Did you really just say that Ash?" he asked softly while his eyes were fixated on the steering wheel. "Okay I know that you're hurting right now, but that doesn't give you the right to say anything about my dad."

"I'm sorry," I breathed out. He bit his lip and nodded slowly as soon as I said that. "I can go now if you want."

"No, stay, I still have to bring you somewhere." Where the fuck was he taking me?

"Okay..." And that was the last thing either of us said for the rest of the car ride, the alternative radio station filling up the silence.