From Turkey With Love|| SKAM

Saved

(night to Monday, July 16 and following days)

Sana was laying in her bed. A million thoughts was spinning in her head. She noticed that Yousef had added “Lovesong” by the Cure on the playlist and it suited her emotions. Dark, intense and urgent, like the end of the world was around the corner. She was just getting used to the thought of Yousef not being a muslim, and that she might be able to accept being with him anyway, just to be dragged back to square one again.

Did she ask for too much too soon? To know things that maybe she didn’t really want to or needed to know? And was she being a coward, asking this online? Protected behind the screen where she didn't have to expose her emotions or reactions to him. She was safe. She could take her time to reflect like she liked.

But there was also the risk of misinterpretations, there was no tone or facial expression in the letters on the screen. She had to read between the lines, but there was very little there to be read. Yousef's face was easy to read, like an open book. He would be so bad at keeping secrets or hiding surprises.

She re-read their conversation again. She had really interrogated him, while she was getting away with pretty easy questions herself. Not that she felt that she had much to hide or reveal. She smiled when she read that he thought of her a serious girlfriend. But the thought of him in bed with someone else disturbed her more than she wanted to admit. Like the image in her mind of him and Noora kissing. Who was this girl that he hadn’t been serious about yet still slept with. Isabelle? Please don’t let it be Noora! Or was there more to the story, had he been exploited, or raped? But then he wouldn’t call it “having sex” now, would he?

The Yousef she thought she knew wouldn’t sleep around or have casual sex. He was sensitive and a real romantic, a dreamer that believed in soulmates and obsessed over things. Damn! Part of her wanted to know everything about him, and part of her was afraid that she had already idealized him too much and from now on she would only be disappointed finding out the who the real Yousef was.

Was she naive? Expecting too much from a guy? Maybe she would never met anybody who could live up to her standards. She didn’t have very high expectations in general on men when it came to handling sex and lust. They seemed weak and unfocused. Her dad was maybe an exception and hopefully her brothers had take after him.

She let the lyrics of the song fill her up.

However far away

I will always love you

However long I stay

I will always love you

Whatever words I say

I will always love you

I will always love you

The answer to his question had been “yes” She did think of him as her boyfriend. She never used that word, only his name, but it seemed like everyone around them already knew. It was her and Yousef.

Right now, in this moment she hated Yousef, for how he made her feel.

…

Next morning Sana woke up to find a message from Yousef. She ignored, didn’t feel like dealing with any of it today. She was not going to listen to the playlist either, she needed a break, to focus. She was not going to do anything drastic and unfriend him again but she really needed a break.

But it wasn’t easy to focus, when everything around her communicated sex. Like it was the meaning of life. To be sexy. And have amazing sex all the time.

It was raining outside and they were hanging at Eva's place, watching Paradise Hotel. Vilde was going on about how generous Magnus was in bed and Chris made more sex jokes than usual. Eva was repeatedly distracted by her phone and had a dirty smile on her face when she got a message. Noora wasn’t even there, “probably having amazing sex with William somewhere” Sana thought sarcastically. It all just made her feel sick.