His Willow

chapter 10 - thoughts

the brightness of the sun wakes me up as it shines through my window. telling me it's another day. how exciting.

I groan into my pillow to the thought of getting up and doing anything. If it was up to me I would sleep in my bed all day but that choice is out of my hands and I have no choice but to get up.

one being my dad.

actually there's only 1 reason why I have to get up and that's him.

he had friends over last night. all of them were blackout drunk which means the house is an absolute state.

they basicallly turned our family home into a street party location and I'm the one to pick up the pieces because who else will?

my moms probably in spain or greece? maybe india? who knows. my sisters dead. my dads an alcoholic and my grandparents and aunties are in New York.

I gotten woken up at 3am by then all piling into our house. I heard breaking glass, things being knocked over, shouting, screaming the lot.

I roll out of bed hoping nobody else is home. I hope he isn't home, really hope he isn't.

he doesn't abuse me physically, he never has. but it's always mentally and verbally. he's drunk 24/7 so the words he says can be really damaging. blaming me for my sisters death and my mum leaving and just other things that really shouldn't get to me, but they do. and for mentally well, I have to pay the rent which means I have to work most of the time to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table which he isn't appreciative of. he expects me to do that, he thinks that's normal. and yeah I could go and move out and leave him to fend for himself but every time I would tell myself I would I could never bring myself to actually leaving. even though that man does not care for me he's still my dad and a part of me will always care for him even with the amount of shit he's put me through but there was a time where he was the father figure every child wants in their life. he's not that person anymore but whenever I have thought of leaving this atmosphere I have memories from when he was good.

I just wish he was the dad he used to be.

✩ ✩ ✩

after cleaning and tidying the bomb of the house which took my ages it was time for work.

I wasn't supposed to be working today but the letter from the landlord saying our rent is overdue suggested otherwise.

I did only just finish paying off last months but it's a cycle. I just wish I was able to do my own thing and earn money for myself. I need to learn to let go.

I work at this bakery over the road. Mr Ackford offered me the job quite a while back. who is Felix's father, they know about my 'situation' and probably felt pity for me so I got the job.

Mr Ackford has always been so good to me though. always offering me any help or support when I need it although I never accept, I don't need to rely on others.

I start my shift after saying hello to Mr Ackford.

It's so busy today, which makes my stress increase.

today is just not my day, the stuff my dad said last night is whirling through my head, he always goes hard with his comments but last night was different. Including my sister which is obviously a sensitive spot, it would be weird if it wasn't. and I wasn't expecting to work today, I'm already exhausted from doing all the shifts in the week but here we are.

as the day progresses work gets busier.

I'm the verge of breaking to be honest but I ignore it.

I finally finish work and just clean the tables as I hear the bell go.

"i was told you'd be here" the familiar voice makes me look up.

Willow.

I hoped she wouldn't come here at this time, when I'm like this anyways.

I give her a faint smile before going back to cleaning tables.

"I never knew you worked here" she states as she takes a seat on one of the stools.

I just shrug before cleaning another table.

"is everything okay?" she asks, concern and worry lacing through her voice.

"yeah, all good" I fake her a smile before cleaning the last table.

"you weren't at the libary today" she says looking down at her hands.

"I was busy, not everyone can forget about their lives and live in a libary willow. It's the real world" I snap and utterly regret it as I see her face drop.

I didn't mean to snap at her, my emotions got the best of me and I snapped at one of the only people who are in my life right now.

she just simply nods, fidgeting with her hands constantly.

"I'll see you soon Reece" she quietly talks giving me a soft smile before walking out, the bell fading as she walks off.

I sigh as I finish cleaning tables and lock up.

this day has just been the worst day for a while. I still can't believe I spoke to her in that way. I'm so selfish, she was only trying to help and I snapped at her.

I decide that I can't go back to that house right now because I'll say something I'll regret to my dad so I call felix to ask him if I can stay the night.

he says yes so I drive over to his house before it gets too dark.

"what's going on?" he asks me as we take a seat on his sofa.

"my dad. everything. it's just stressful" I say taking a sip out of the water he gave me.

"Reece this needs to end you know that. your 20 and you need to pursue your one thing without having the pressure of your dad."

"also snapped at willow and our rent is overudue" I say leaning into the sofa fully.

"I know it's early days but you've kept her around so obviously she's special in some sort of way so don't push her away" felix says standing up from the sofa and heading to bed leaving me on this sofa head full of thoughts.