redemption

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I lie down on my bed and try to sleep. It's not worth it. I turn on the radio beside my bed. Blink-182. It's another punk love song, Elizabeths favourite. Was I going to cry? Maybe.

"Everest!" My mom angrily said as I opened the door to my bedroom, "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Mom," I calmly say, "it's 3:45 am."

"Who in fucks name was having a screaming contest with you? Are you drunk?"

"Elizabeth. And no, I'm not drunk." My voice starts to crack and tears are forming in the edges of my eyes.

"Elizabeth? Why didn't you invite her in?" My mom starts to calm down as soon as we started talking about Elizabeth. Elizabeth was my mothers favourite girlfriend. Did I have to tell my mom about what happened? Will she slap me?

"She ran off, she was angry at me." I could just hear the next question coming.

"What happened?"

The dreaded fear of getting hit was awaiting me as I told her what happened, "I cheated on her tonight."

"EVEREST!" My mother hit me right on the back of my head. I deserved it.

"I feel terrible. What do I do?"

"First of all, you're going to buy her a assorted fruit and chocolate basket, I know she likes that, and leave it on her doorstep this morning. Then you're going to let her cool down for three days and then go over and apologize. Get in your car right now and go buy her one. I know for a fact that Johnstones is open 24/7. They'll have some nice baskets. Also, get some eggs. We're out." She pushes me out of my room and down the stairs, "Goodnight. You made a horrible mistake. I know that girl and she can be quite the terror."

I grab my ugly trucker jacket that Elizabeth picked out for me when we were in Port Hardy for a hockey tournament. It was $5 and I've had it for 3 years but it's in good shape. I hop into my beaten up Camry and take down the abandoned streets of suburbia. I pull up to Johnstones to try and find something for her.

"Aye man what you doing here so late?" Elizabeth's older brother Eridanus, who we call Erin, says as he sits at the till playing sudoku by himself. His greasy black hair hid underneath a red toque. He was good at sudoku, his dark skin writing down numbers and flipping the pages within seconds.

"I'm getting chocolate and fruits. Do you sell assorted baskets of that sort?" I ask trying to be nonchalant about the situation. He was 28 and probably tired out of his mind so he shouldn't think anything of it.

"Are you buying that for my lil sis? She likes the chocolate chip ice cream one."

"Oh, ok thanks." I quickly grab the chocolate chip one and pay for it.

"Why're ya here so late?" Fuck. No. What do I say?

"I-I wanted to um get her something special for our one year anniversary tomorrow." Lies, all lies.

"Oh," The unconvincing tone got me worried, "see ya later, man."

"Bye Erin." I run out of the store and jump into my car and take a deep breath. I never lie. I would definitely never lie to Erin. We've been buddies forever. What's gotten into me? I examine the ugly interior of my car. It's time for a drive. My mom would mind if I left for a bit, right? I pop in a cassette Elizabeth made for me. 'MY HARDCORE SHIT MUSIC' was it's title. She always played it in the car. I personally hate it. I wouldn't let her know that. I like a little less hardcore music. I like some soft rock and classic rock. I only listen to it when I'm alone or with my other friends. For some reason now, I'm listening to the dreaded track at full volume while I'm driving far out of town. Where am I going? Anywhere but here. I want to go see the world. I've never even been off the island before. Elizabeth has, she went to Greece last summer to visit her family. That's where her dad lives. When she got back she told me all about how her mother's parents wanted to marry her off to a Greek boy who made lots of money so she ended up in an arranged marriage with Elizabeth's father and that when she was 5 years old they broke up because they never loved each other. Also his parents died that same year so they knew it was perfect. He had a family in another town and when he was arranged to be married he had to leave his children. Her brother is technically her dad's son but he came to live with his little sister two years ago. It was a lonely summer. I was worried she would find a new boyfriend and leave me. I was stressed all summer and we had only been together three months before she left.

"FUCK THIS PLACE, I LOST THE WAR," I start to scream at the top of my lungs. I knew all of these songs by heart, without even knowing them, "I HATE YOU ALL, YOUR MOM'S A WHORE, WHERE'S MY DOG? 'CAUSE GIRLS ARE SUCH A DRAG!" I pull into a gas station. I couldn't be more than 30 miles out of town. I was alone. I want Elizabeth to be here. She won't come back though. I broke her heart. I fucked up. As I bang my head against the dashboard as an even louder punk song comes on as a background noise. What was I feeling? 'It's regret.' I can her Elizabeth's voice from when I kissed Mary behind a dumpster in seventh grade even though I didn't like Mary. 'It happens to everybody. Soon, you'll forget about.' I won't forget about this. I need to know she's happy with her life. I can't live with knowing she might be tossing and turning in her sleep for years. Hell, I know Elizabeth. She would only lose days of sleep, not years. She would get over it. I wouldn't. Tears start to form as I sit alone in the car, listening to the memories, seat back and cradling myself. I need help. I need to help. I need to help Elizabeth. I need to make her love me again. I need redemption. Not from anyone, from her. A knocking comes from my window and a gas attendant with a flashlight appears.

"You can't sleep here." He says as I roll down my window.

"I was just about to leave, sorry." I start the engine and drive down the open road. A dust of dirt shot up at the attendant as I drove away. I usually would have stopped and apologized, a habit only Elizabeth could have taught me. I'm so stupid. I miss her. What had come over me tonight?

It looked so cliche. Your typical teenage party. This was Elizabeths idea. She was wearing a short red dress that must have belonged to her mom in the 70's. She looked great in it. She dragged me into the living room where a group of guys were huddled around a keg.

"EVEREST!" Cole, a friend of ours shouted from across the room, "COME DO SHOTS!"

A soft-spoken Elizabeth gleamed and whispered, "You can't say no." I couldn't say no to her, she was beautiful and kind and smart. Ten shots and three yager-bombs later, Cole was showing Elizabeth downstairs to watch a band of freshman while I was trying to find a bathroom. I was drunk as fuck. The memory of me trying to find the bathroom ends with me in a linen closet pushed up against a half naked girl. It happened so fast. It's weird. People will always tell you drunk sex is terrible. It was. But it also was so good. It was pure adrenaline keeping me alive. It was something Elizabeth wouldn't do with me. She wasn't ready yet. We ended up hot, sweaty, and naked on some guy's bed when Elizabeth walked in with Cole beside her. My stomach dropped. I stopped moving but the girl kept going. Glass smashing was the only sound I heard before the door slammed shut and I was left there, dead and alone. On top of an angry, drunk girl. It was all a blur after that. Me, running home, sitting alone for what felt like hours before even hearing Elizabeth's scream.

Why? Why did I let a random girl fuck me? Who was she? How will I get Elizabeth to take me back? I drive past her house and put the basket on her doorstep. I shut my bedroom door behind me as quickly as I can so I can get some rest before I have to work. Please, please forgive me Elizabeth. I love you.