Sunshine Traitor (ENG)

Chapter 9: Denki Kaminari

Warnings: panick attack, self-doubt and mention of suicide thoughts. read at own risk. 

Read from the second part, after the '-----------' to avoid the obvious panic attack and the suicide thoughts. At the end there will be a summary of the chapter. 

Stay save and be careful. Much love for all of you. 

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Denki runs through the hallways, his heart pounding violently in his chest and his friend's words echoing in his head, 'It was your idea, so it's your fault.'

'It's your fault.'

He turns right, left and right again; he keeps running.

'It's your fault.'

His heart pounds in his throat and his lungs scream for air; he keeps running.

'It's your fault.'

He hears several voices: his friends coming after him? Nurses yelling at him not to run in the hallways of the hospital? He has no idea, but he keeps running. He runs as if chased by a hungry beast or a violent monster. He runs as if his life depended on it. His breath wheezing and his vision blurred with tears, he stumbles and falls to his knees. The pain of his fall stings his skin, but Denki is grateful for the distraction. He remains on the ground staring ahead, trying to get his breath under control. His right hand clutches at his shirt just in front of his heart and his ears are ringing. People walk by and his hair seems to dance around him.

This was all his fault. This should never have happened. He could have prevented this from happening.

If he wasn't working with those Villains. If he wasn't so weak. If he hadn't...

If he hadn't been there, this would never have happened....

If he hadn't been there...

But he wants to be a hero. He wants to show everyone that he can become a hero....

He wants to have fun like normal teenagers his age....

He wants to...

Denki feels selfish, but he wants to live.

His train of thought is interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. Out of sheer reflex, he activates his quirk and knocks the hand away. He turns around and wants to get ready to defend himself, but he stops when, through his tears, he looks into the eyes of his childhood friend. Hanta looks at him with concern and gently extends his arm to him again. Denki crawls backwards until he collides with a wall, his breath quickening again and his hands shaking violently. He doesn't know why he is crawling away or why the panic is setting in again. Hanta is his friend, nothing is wrong. He cautiously approaches again and Denki tries desperately to breathe. He hears his friend calling his name, but it sounds far away and at the same time far too loud. He holds his trembling hands over his ears and squeezes his eyes shut.

Suddenly he hears a soft, deep voice. He does not recognize the speaker, but he sounds calm. He carefully opens his eyes and sees a purplish stain through his tears. The stain is talking, but Denki can't make out what it is saying. He tries to focus and after a while he discerns words.

"one, two, three, four, in."

"one, two, three, four, out."

"one, two, three, four, in."

"one, two, three, four, out."

Denki focuses on the stain counting at a leisurely pace and unconsciously tries to match his breath to it. Meanwhile, the stain keeps counting and after a while he manages to get his breath under control. He wipes the tears from his eyes and looks again at the purple stain, which turns out to be Shinso. At any other time Denki would have been embarrassed, but he is tired.