❝in this world, it's just us
you know it's not the same
as it was.❞
MAY 21,
twenty-one days after the funeral.
FOR
three days now, jude had been trying to get nisha to talk, but to no avail. she was as silent as a grave, offering only occasional snatches of 'bye' and 'leave' words, and the footballer was getting fed up, really fed up. a kind of anger was building up inside him towards the girl in his belly and he felt that he would soon have to spit it out or else he would end up like her —if not worse. so when he walked through the door of her room that day, the frustration he had been building up for some time had got the better of him and jude was no longer the calm boy who was willing to make an effort so that nisha would finally decide to open up.
and when the girl heard the door to her room open violently and the boy takes his place more harshly than usual at her side, she too realized that jude was not in his best state of mind. with a sidelong glance, she had seen him thinking fast, his eyes veering from right to left rapidly as he thought about what he could finally say to her to get her to respond.
"nisha, i swear, if you keep ignoring me i'll go mental, like really mental," his hands were almost shaking as the words came out of his mouth, trying as best he could to contain the fireball in his throat that made him want to spit all kinds of things at her.
the silence that followed his sentence made the flames grow even larger. breathe in, breathe out, jude kept repeating to himself so as not to explode. with a sudden gesture, he got up from the girl's windowsill before starting to walk in circles in her room, almost desperate, while nisha's back served as a background.
"nisha i'm being fucking serious, talk. to. me," he articulated his words slowly and harshly but it was the fluttering of a passing bird that answered him, and that got the worst out of jude. he swore he was capable of bursting into tears of nerves, right now, as he couldn't take any more of her selfish behaviour. "talk to me for fuck sake!" he exclaimed in disillusion. his words echoed throughout the house and a dead silence fell over the living room downstairs.
but his words didn't just do that, they also startled nisha, unused to seeing her best friend angry — especially not at her. a small hollow laugh escaped from between the footballer's lips and he took a few steps backward after the girl's shoulder movement.
"oh, that's what you need to react?! do you want me to scream more?!" he continued, too far gone to stop now, "i have more, way more!" he felt like he was talking to a wall. "look at me," he scoffed, "i'm fucking talking to a back. yep! that's where i am right now, talking to your back so i can get the slightest reaction from you!" his arms that had been raised on either side of his body dropped back and slammed with a shrill noise on his thighs, causing another gasp from nisha who couldn't see what was happening behind her.
"ouhh, another reaction from you, how lucky am i?" he spat in utter irony. "you're fucking selfish nisha, you so fucking are. i understand your pain, i understand that it's hard but fuck! you can't push away everyone and just shut yourself in silence hoping that it magically will get better on its own!" jude almost gasped, that's why he resumed more calmly, "i honestly don't get you, i tried and i'm trying but i-i... i just don't nisha. you're not my best friend, or at least the one i know and it's scary nisha, 'cause i feel like i'm losing you, and it's the worst feeling ever," sincerity pierced his words and nisha felt herself falling apart little by little.
