request: 🥃 "We've been by each other's sides for years, you think I'm gonna leave now?" with bucky barnes - annab-nana
pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader
word count: 450
warnings?: light angst, fluff, not proofread
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Bucky expected people to leave him. He...didn't always used to be that way. Back, years ago, when Steve was first trying to help him, he understood there were people who wanted to help, but he couldn't stop himself from pushing them away. He felt damaged, like broken goods, and he didn't want anyone to get cut by his shattered pieces. Steve pushed through that, though. He wanted to help. And he did.
But then Steve left. Decided that Bucky wasn't worth it or something. Not that Steve said that—he said something about wanting to be with Peggy, something about the life he missed out on because of him being trapped in the ice. He left. He went back to a time where Bucky couldn't be a part of his life because Bucky was being tortured and manipulated and brainwashed. He...got tired of Bucky.
Now, Bucky was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. He pushed away Sam, who was also grieving the loss of his friend. He pushed away the other Avengers. He pushed away anyone he wasn't forced to be in contact with and even then...He kept everyone at arm's length. He didn't want to be hurt like this again.
And then you came along. You, who respected his boundaries while gently pushing him out of his comfort zone. You, who made him laugh so hard his belly hurt. You, who helped remind him what it was like to be happy. He hadn't been really, truly, happy in so long.
That's what scared him the most. Even after years had passed with you by his side, first as his friend and then as his girlfriend, he still feared the day you would come to your senses and he would lose you, too.
Especially now, in moments like this, when he was coming down from the terror of a nightmare, covered in sweat, ears ringing, taking in the concerned look on your face.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. His voice was hoarse, his throat hurt. He wondered how long he screamed until he woke up. "If you want to leave..."
"How many times do I have to tell you, Bucky?" you asked. "We've been by each other's sides for years, you think I'm gonna leave now? I love you. And I don't say that lightly."
Bucky rested his head on your chest, letting you comb your fingers through his hair. Quietly, he mumbled, "I'm scared."
"I know. But, believe me, I don't want to leave you. And I won't. I love you too much to go."
"I love you, too."
And, for a moment, as he laid in your arms, he understood what peace felt like.
