ONE LAST TIME

History Repeats(pt 1)

I kept decorating for Hannah's birthday after I got home from the store, trying not to think about him. No matter where he was, all I wanted to know was that he was alive. Once I knew he was safe. I was ecstatic. It did not matter whether he was next to me or not. I wiped away my tears, got myself together and went to pick up Hannah. Yeah it wasn't easy but I needed to stay strong. I couldn't let the past break me all over again. It took me a while to reach Hannah's office because of the rain.  The car's glass got foggy making it hard for me to look for Hannah, thank god the wipers made my job much easier. Just a few meters away from the car, stood Hannah getting all drenched in the rain, not even trying to cover herself. I must have made her feel really left out. 

It didn't take long for Hannah to get in the car and she was acting as if everything was okay. I honestly wanted to hug her right now and tell her that "It was okay not to be okay" but I didn't want to ruin the surprise. As much as I wanted to tell her about everything that had happened today, I decided not to. The last thing she would want for her birthday is for me to be upset.

The entire ride was filled with silence, both of us didn't utter a word. Tension was killing me, I couldn't hold my excitement any longer and as soon as we got home, I had her enter the house once. She turned on the lights as she walked in through the front door. Even seconds felt like hours now. The room lit up, my voice rang out as I wished her a happy birthday. I'm sure she didn't see that coming.
Her eyes were filled with happy tears, she said "I knew it". I could say she was pretty surprised and now that hurts me, did she really think I would forget my best friend's birthday, the only person whom I could call "Family". 

Putting on a fake smile, I asked her to cut the cake now. As I got the cake from the fridge, she asked me "What are you hiding Emma?". Oh shit... My cover was blown. Why am I so bad at this? Why do I always have to make everything about me? My eyes got teary, I was guilt trimmed by now. 

I couldn't control myself any longer. It was impossible for me to pretend that everything was fine right now, and so I broke down in tears. Everything that had happened today in the store came back to me as I let all my pain out. 

My voice cracked as I said, "I saw him. Today while I was shopping I saw him. He's alive". 

Hannah pulled me to her warmth and whispered softly in my ear, " Shh, it'll be okay soon".

A warm comforting hug from her was all I needed, and before I knew it I felt just fine. I apologized to her for ruining her birthday and making everything about me, earning a slap in return. I couldn't help but smile at her reaction. 

"Don't you dare say that Emma, You didn't ruin my birthday in fact, you made it special. Emma, you're going through a lot and I wanna be there for you. It's completely what I wish for."

 "Cut the cake now Hannah" I said to her, trying my best not to aww for those kind yet honset words. However, I don't think she believed I was fine. 

Since her skepticism persisted, I insisted that I was fine now. "Wherever he is, as long as he is alive nothing else matters to me." I said to her. Those words were completely from my heart, they were true. Knowing he is alive is what I've always wished for now that I know that, I don't find a reason to be upset. I still do find the darkest part of me wanting to be beside him, the fact that he was alive conquered all. Hannah smiled gently and said, "Ahh I'm jealous of him".

I giggled as I said "I love you too.Now cut the cake, I can't wait anymore". Laughing, she cut the cake as I sang the korean birthday song, which she loved.

"Saengil chukha hamnida 

Saengil chukha hamnida

 Saranghaneun Hannah 

 Saengil chukha hamnida."

 Slowly, I brought forward the gift I had bought for her. As she unpacked it, she found a beautiful necklace adorned by a green diamond. With that beautiful smile on her face I knew that she loved it. 

"It's lovely, I can't take my eyes off it" exclaimed Hannah.

The necklace suited her, " I know and It goes well with your red hair" I said.

Hannah kept talking all night, she told me about this new mystery boy in her office who wouldn't talk to anyone. "He's just like those K drama male leads, handsome yet cold- hearted. You can't believe all the girls in my office are fangirling over him." she said. "You sure you aren't one of them?" I teased her. 

It was a long day. Tired, both of us went to bed. The entire city must have fallen asleep. Not me though, at least not until 3:30 am when I had to force myself to sleep. Not long after I fell asleep, I woke up trembling. 

My mind flashed back to that terrifying night when I had lost everything I valued. A harrowing memory of mine that haunted me and that which I wanted to keep buried. In trauma, I asked myself "Why now, after all these years?". I couldn't help but have this sort of feeling that something big was going to happen soon. 

It was 5 am when Camille called me regarding a new case. I refused without any hesitation. Mom's and dad's death anniversary was just a day after Hannah's birthday. When I was 16, I lost my parents in a fire. I was on a trip with Hannah when I heard that my dad's restaurant caught fire, both mom and dad were closing up at that time. That one incident was enough to turn my life upside down. I regretted not being able to tell my parents "I love you" even once while they were alive. Now, even if I wanted to, I couldn't. 

From then, I thought I'd never know the meaning of love until I met someone who changed my life completely. He gave me memories that I cherish, a love so passionate and before I realized that I treasured him, he disappeared completely from my life. Hannah was the only person I had whom I could call family. I couldn't lose her too. Before I could break down, my phone rang, notifying me that I had received a message from someone.