The Stars 'Devoted Fan'

How Delusional Can I Be..?

Rui's POV:
It's been a week since Tsukasa Interview and announcement of coming back to his home town. He's stunning appearance in the studio has yet to entirely leave my mind. Despite our feet hectic schedules Nene and I always try and have lunch together every once and awhile. It was never anything to expensive more fancy- neither of us had money to spare- but we still found things to keep exciting (though Nene insist it's my fault...) And besides, the locations and the food were backdrops for meaningful conversations we'd share.

Well... most of them were meaningful. Some of them involved more... unsavory topics.

"...Rui your 23 and still picking vegetables out your food." She sighs. I look at Nene with a frown "...do you really want me to risk my perfect health by imitating such disgusting and sickly things into my diet?" I ask my dramatic tone.Unfortunately,she wasn't swayed. ...not like she hasn't hear the same excuse for years. "Oh quite being so dramatic..." She mutters. She was the trance of a grin, but with a hint of dismay. It made me almost think of putting the bean sprouts back in my bowl...

Maybe I was being dramatic..?
A single glance at the pile siting on my napkin made me quickly change my mind. I return to fishing the rest of the bean sprouts out of my bowl with chopsticks. I hear a light sigh from Nene yet she continues eating her meal. "I just realized... we have been here for a long time." I pause trying to remember the last time we've been here. "Your right." I begin to get lost in thought rather then my food. Vivid memories of WonderlandsxShowtime come back to me. We'd come here regularly after a long day of practice . Me, Nene, Emu and of course ... Tsukasa. I always gave my vegetables to him whenever we dined here... though, at times, that would come with some complaint. But I always managed to make him oblige. He'd proclaim that he needed greens to get better fit for stardom...

As we got to know each other better, however, he began pestering if not eating them. I can recall many times where he's asked me how I'm alive without have eaten a single vegetable. Seeing how bewildered he was entertaining. "...I wonder why we stopped?" I hear Nene mutter. But, I'm to lost in thought to give a proper response. Nevertheless, he was always bothered by my diet. It was to the point he'd trick me into eating vegetables... He'd offer me his ginger pork praying I wouldn't see the notice the trace of the greens. I'd receive as a punishment, I enjoyed seeing the look of triumph on his face, knowing that he'd succeeded in his mission.

"Great... I got you thinking of him?" With those words I begin to realize I did. "Fufu~ what gave it away?" I force a smile hoping that it'd make this conversation lighthearted. I saw Nene's stern face. I knew that she was not going to be lighthearted one bit. "Rui... I thought you were over him." She said in a disappointed tone and her smile began to falter. "What makes you think I'm not..?" I notice her expression soften as she shakes her head. "I've known for so long. You don't need to ask that question." "I suppose..."

A thick, sickening silence begins to develop between us. I knew exactly what was coming next. She'd been trying so hard to get me to forget all about Tsukasa... and for a while, her efforts were paying off. But deep in my heart, I knew it was hopeless. No matter what, I couldn't possibly forget someone who'd had such a lasting impact on my life. ...of course, the fact that he was famous didn't help much, either.

"I understand why you miss him, okay?" She looks off to the side. "I mean... I miss him too sometimes. But.. I... I just... worry about you." I expected her to say something more- she appeared if she wanted to-
I let out a small laugh "Whats there to worry about? I'm simply following his career." Nene blankly stares at me. "What..?" "There's no harm in seeings what's he's doing every once in awhile." Nene sighs looking away from me" No..." . There's even more silence. I think of what I want to say to change the subject. Sadly I didn't have enough time. "...Just... know that he's not coming back. Okay?" She looked at me dead in the eyes. "He clearly wants nothing to do with us." "But... that's simply.. not true I mean he talks about us in interviews he even said he'll fly down here again to see us." Before I continue she she cuts me off.

"Do you really think he'll do that?"
I pause.
Did I really?
I mean what reason... would he ever want to see me? It's not like we ever keep in touch anymore... he stopped responding to my messages years ago. How foolish have I been to think he'd ever return...? To keep lying to myself constantly thinking he'll one day return and talk to me after years. I found myself barley being able to utter words, my throat feeling dry. "I suppose not." My distress must've been somewhere on my face... or maybe it was just friendly intuition that made Nene's brow furrow with concern.

"Hey... I've seen some pretty cute folk on my campus I could get you in touch with someone...?" I force a grin. "No, no... You don't need to do that." My voice begins to crack. "If it'll help I'll do it." "No just..." I begin to fiddle with my chopsticks. Other unsavory topics were coming to mind. Ones worse then soggy vegetables. Nene is silent for a moment. I watch of the corner of my eye that her playful expression turns into more of a frown. "Was I too harsh.?" "No Nene. I needed you to bring me back to reality." Nene face flushes for a moment. "I just... don't want you getting hurt again, Rui." "I know..." I look down negative feeling resurfacing yet again.

Maybe I should take Nene up on that offer... it's probably for the best
But, I know I'm not ready to make that decision just yet.
"I won't mention him from now on."
"Who?" "You know..." "Ah... Then I won't mention him either." I sat with resolve as I start to indulge my vegetable free ramen. "You don't need to go that far..." "I do." I can hear her stiffly giggle in response. "Right..."

Despite never bringing up Tsukasa in any of our other conversations, his name didn't exactly leave my mind for good. It simply resurfaces as I walk away from the shop after waving goodbye to my friend.

That wasn't entirely unexpected. For so long it had felt as if he were the sun in my solar system, my thoughts constantly revolving around him. Even when I persisted in trying to get over him, his bright rays would always manage to leak into my head, bringing a bittersweet marriage of joy with sorrow.

But I'm not going to let him be the subject of my attention.

Not for now, at least.