We Almost Had It

The start of Me & His' Story

Next morning, the day after my birthday celebration, I woke feeling down because at the end of that night, after dropping Esme back to her dorm room, I sat outside it crying for almost 2 hours. I missed my mother and I was still in shock. How did this happen? How will I live? In time, when I managed to pull myself out of the depression I was feeling, I made myself a cup of tea and pulled out my phone and there it was: Dean has sent you a friend request. I wasn't sure who he was but I accepted the request anyways thinking he was someone I did know but had just forgotten.

A week went by and I spent it thinking about Isaac and how as much as I hated our date, I still wanted him to text me. One day I decided to go to the club with a friend of mine: Georgia.  Sometimes I still wonder how different things would have been if I hadn't gone out that night. Isn't it crazy how every little decision you make ends up affecting your life so much and you have no idea? The night was going great, we were drinking, dancing, laughing, and having a good time. We even made a new friend. Her name was Leah. At some point at the night I spotted Jace, Esme's boyfriend walking past our booth. I stopped him, said hello to him, and we talked for a while. Then out of nowhere, he came up to me. It's crazy to think of who he was back then: a stranger, compared to who he is to me today: my person. Dean comes up to me and the first thing he says is " Are you Silvia?." I stood there for a while confused, who is this guy and how does he know my name? "Yes? Who are you?" I say back. I think he realized he may be coming off creepy at the time so he started to quickly explain himself to me. He went on about how he was Jace's best friend, and that he knows Esme, and that he requested to follow me a week ago. That's when I loosened up a little and started speaking to him more. He wasn't a stranger to me at that point he was Jace and Esme's friend. So for the rest of the night, I would occasionally dance with him. Him and his friends would sometimes end up around my friends and I and we would all dance together. That night he went on and on to me about how beautiful he thought I was and how if he could kneel down and propose at that second he would. What a sweet guy I thought. Not long later, I notice Isaac was out. And as much as I regret it now, I went up and started dancing with him too. I never do such things. I kept dancing with Isaac and then dancing with Dean and so on. But Dean's interest in me never changed. At some point in the night we exchanged a kiss in the middle of the dance floor. Another thing I never do/have never done. What about him made me feel comfortable enough to do that? By the end of the night, my friend Georgia brought a guy back to mine, she wanted to sleep with him. So while she did that, I went back to Isaac's house to wait it out. Next thing I know, it was the next morning. Shoot I passed out. I really hope he won't make up rumors and stories about tonight. I didn't sleep with him, kiss him, or anything. I'm not that type of girl. We just spoke for a while and next thing I know I was asleep. But him being a part of the soccer team, he's definitely the type to start rumors about this. I was worried. I go to the toilet, turn on my phone and there it was: "A message from Dean." I open the message and instantly got butterflies. It was a message I will never forget. "Good morning gorgeous, I just want you to know that I really meant everything I said to you last night." How could he still like me so much after seeing me walk away with Isaac? He clearly doesn't like Isaac because they're in the same soccer team and he knows how much of an asshole these guys are. "You're a dime, thank you." I reply back. And that's how we began to talk.

October 2nd, that's when we started talking. We spoke all day since then. And in a couple of days, I began going over to his apartment everyday after his soccer practice, and after my classes were done. I'd stay over at his everyday from 5pm till 12am. We'd just spend all that time talking and getting to know one another. In no time I considered myself loyal to him. I introduced him to all my friends, I brought him out with us, they would see him as my boyfriend. I was officially "not single." But I wasn't really taken either. Unfortunately, straight away I could tell two negative things about him: he definitely has a toxic side (he's even admitted to being toxic in his last relationship), and that he wasn't fully over his ex. I didn't care though. I should've known right from then that I was setting myself up to get hurt. We even had a conversation 2 weeks in that we were both not ready for a relationship but we will see how things go. Again, set myself up to get hurt. I didn't care though. I've never felt so understood with anyone before, he made me feel safe. He brought a little bit of light into my life after my mother'a passing. The most light I've seen since her passing. I wasn't ready to let that go.
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Although I had just turned 20 at the time, my sexual experiences were zilch. I had just gotten my first kiss at the beginning of that year.  Still didn't know how to do it though let alone have sex or any other oral sex act. But with him, I felt safe enough to and that alone was a huge green flag for me. The very first night he opened new doors for me was a random Tuesday night in October. We were watching Squid games on his sofa. He was leaning up against the arm rest of the sofa and I was laying on his chest. He slowly began feeling my breasts over my hoodie. I was freaking out but of course, I needed to act normal. So I just sat there watching while he was feeling up and squeezing my breast. Next thing I know he puts his hand under my hoodie and starts squeezing over my bra. I loved it. I've never even made out with a guy let alone have him stroke my breasts. A couple of seconds later he pulls down my bra and starts playing with my nipples. Gosh it felt good. I've never felt anything like it before. "You have really nice tits" he said. I giggled and continued watching squid games but god knows I was not paying attention. I felt electricity racing through my body. Who knew someone playing with your nipples could feel so good? Of course that was just our first sexual encounter. Fast forward to November 13th. A month and 2 weeks into our "thing." I felt comfortable enough to do more sexual acts with him. Which again, I was not able to do since I got sexually assaulted a year prior to that. I wasn't able to even kiss a man. I would  flinch when a man would touch my back. He just made me feel that comfortable and safe. And he did not judge me for being a virgin nor did he push anything on me. November the 13th we decided to have "Christmas night." I went over to his apartment at 6pm and ended up leaving 2pm the next day. That was my second time spending the night. We spent hours making Baileys with whipped cream, making Christmas cookies, playing Christmas music, and more. We had matching red Christmas fuzzy socks on and a fireplace video playing on the TV. By 12am when the alcohol started hitting we played a game: dirty dares. And as you can guess, things got sexual. Next thing I know he's giving me hickeys all over my boobs and sucking chocolate sauce and whipped cream off my nipples. An hour later we ended up on his bed just cuddling. I was little spoon and he was big spoon. I've never cuddled like this with a guy. In time he slowly made his way up to my boobs and held on to them, squeezing them, and playing with my nipples. I could feel his hard dick pressed up against my ass. It felt good. A while after that he turned me around, lifted up my top and began sucking on my boobs. It felt really good. After he stopped we went back to cuddling. At that moment, I don't know if it was the alcohol, how safe he made me feel, or both, but I slid my hand behind me to his hips and just started rubbing it in circles. I could tell he got excited, that's the most attention I've given him sexually since we first started talking. He then changed the way he was laying from laying on his right hip to laying on his back. That way my had went straight to his dick. "Are you okay with this I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable." He said. "I'm okay." I say back. I started rubbing and feeling his dick and balls through his boxers. This is the first time I felt a dick in my life. It was interesting. After a minute of rubbing him through his boxers, I feel his tip sticking out of them so I immediately stuck my hand inside and started jerking him off. I hope I'm doing it well I thought to myself. I began spitting saliva onto my hand and using it to jerk him off. He started breathing more and more heavily and letting out soft moans. "You know how good it feels when you do that?" He said. I continued. Next thing I know I sat myself up and without even thinking, put it in my mouth. I didn't really know what I was doing so I continued for just 10 seconds and then stopped. I would say he rather enjoyed it though. I could hear him moaning and his body moving. I sat myself back down beside him and fell straight asleep. The next morning we got up around the same time, made breakfast and just reflected on the night before. We've hit a milestone. And it's all thanks to him. This was all something I was not able to do for a year. No guy has ever made me feel comfortable enough to cross that line. And just after knowing him for a month and 2 weeks. I did more than I've ever done and more than I thought I'd be able to after what happened a year ago.

He made me feel safe and comfortable.

I started spending more and more time with him. Running errands with him, cooking, going out, meeting friends, and much more. I was completely loyal to him. I just hope he was loyal to me. I couldn't get something out of my mind though. The guy my friend Georgia slept with that night I first saw Dean told her something. Apparently she was telling the guy that Dean was "basically in love with me" and the guy's response was "oh he does this with every girl. Of course I told Dean about this and he explained it away so I brushed it off but of course I still wondered where it was coming from. I'll find out later on but I'm getting ahead of myself.

After some time passed, we just grew closer and closer. He'd send me messages when he's horny. I think after we hit that milestone, he felt more connected to me. But of course he never forced anything. He never would. He was very patient with me.