The Unstoppable Zuri

Not What I Was Hoping For

I watched as all the color drained from Elliot's face. I could see that his whole world was collapsing around him. The paleness in his face turned suddenly into a bright red, like his cheeks were on fire. His hands clenched into fists.

"You're what? No! You can't be!" he said.

"I know, I know. I should've done a better job tracking my cycle. I'm sorry. I really thought I wasn't ovulating.

"God, Zuri! The one time I don't bring a condom and this is what happened! I told you we shouldn't have done what we did, but no. Zuri always has to have it her way, because you think the world and my dick revolve around you!"

I didn't answer. I didn't even know how. I knew he'd be upset, but I didn't know he'd get this angry. He'd gotten angry and upset before in the six months we'd been together, but never at me.

"Elli, calm down," I said. I don't know why I ever said it. It never worked.

"You really expect me to calm down when you dropped a bomb this big on me?"

"Look, I know it's a lot and we're really young, but my dad knows and he's been really supportive. We only have one year left of school, so I think we'll be okay."

"Be okay? That's right, now that they overturned Roe you can't even get an abortion! Those goddamn religious zealots are literally forcing you, a teenager who can't even walk without crutches, to carry a child!"

"Babe, we're in New York. It's still legal in our state."

"Yeah, but who knows. That could change in an instant." He took out his phone and started typing. "We need to get to Planned Parenthood as soon as we can, before they make abortions illegal here too."

"Babe," I said, getting closer to him. He lowered his phone. "I don't want one."

"What do you mean 'you don't want one'? Your body can't handle carrying a baby!"

"I Googled it when I got home last night, even after my doctor said I'd be fine. There's mom's all over the world with CP who carry babies and they're fine. I know I can do it."

"Okay. Then we'll just have to find a family they can go to then. I guess I can help you pick one out. I'm sure we can find a good one."

"What, pick out a family? No. I'm keeping this baby."

It seemed like he was regaining his composure, but he was losing it all over again.

"I can't believe you would say something so stupid! Are you serious? This is literally going to ruin my life. Yours too. We can't take care of a baby! We have no apartment, no money, no jobs. There's literally no way we can take care of a kid! You're living in a fantasyland."

"Stop. No I'm not. We can make a nursery out of the third bedroom in my house. The home-gym that my dad never uses."

"Why don't you just do the smart thing for once? Get an abortion. You're making this way harder than it needs to be."

I felt a tear start to roll down my cheek. I normally didn't cry, but my hormones were getting the best of me. That and the fact that my feet were totally killing me. I needed to loosen the velcro on my shoes some more.

"Oh here we go. If anyone should be crying here, it's me. You waited the entire afternoon and night, and didn't tell me you're pregnant all the way until now. And you're literally taking the worst avenue possible, and now I have to deal with it. I bet this is why you've been so moody lately, and the bigger you get, I'm sure the more miserable you'll be. And guess what? I'll just have to get stuck putting up with it!"

"Well I'm sorry if I'm a little cranky. You haven't seen how swollen my feet are—"

"No. Stop," he said, putting his hand up. "You don't get to complain about anything related to this baby. You want to be pregnant, that's your choice, but you don't get to complain about it. This is what you want. You made your bed, so now you can shut up and lie in it, because I'm not gonna listen to it. You could get an abortion and not be pregnant anymore, but you don't want to."

"No. I don't."

"But why? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I...I don't know." Maybe he's right. Maybe there is something wrong with me for wanting to keep this baby? "I just...feel like this is what I should do. I don't want to give the baby up and I don't want to get an abortion."

"Then guess what? I don't want any part of it. I'm not helping you. I'm not doing a single thing. I'm not changing diapers, not getting up to feed it, and I'm not going to see you in the hospital when you give birth to it. Nothing!"

"H-how could you b-be so c-cruel?" I said through my sobs.

"This whole thing is literally your fault. When you change your mind and decide to actually do the smart thing for once, you let me know. But until then, don't talk to me," he said, trying to walk away.

"Elliot, wait!" I said.

What happened played out like it was part of a dream. I felt like it had to be. I never imagined Elliot doing something like that. Ever. He put his hands on my shoulders and physically moved me out of the way. I stumbled, but leaned on my crutches to get my balance. I was in shock. I just couldn't believe that actually happened. He'd never done anything like that to me before.

I didn't even know what to do. I found the nearest bench underneath the gazebo and sat down, crying. My arms were hurting from where he grabbed me. This wasn't at all how I imagined today to go. I was hoping he would feel excited and supportive, even with all the stressful things going on in his life right now. I really thought he'd have my back in all of this.

Where was I even supposed to go from here?