The Unstoppable Zuri

Let Me Tell You a Story

I sat across the table from my dad, the dusty board game box in between us, untouched. My whole night was ruined and right now, I kind of wanted to just sit here and wallow in the fact that the last year of my relationship was a lie.

"No hippos tonight, huh?" my dad asked, setting a glass of water down in front of me.

Staying hydrated was something Doctor Andrews gave me to work on. With my cravings I really just preferred chocolate milk.

"I feel like every time I tell myself that things can't get any worse, they always do. I thought after camp I felt a little better, not no. Now this happens," I said.

"But you have to remember, you are strong, Zuri. You can do anything."

"It's hard to think that way sometimes."

My dad sat back in his chair and sighed. "I think it's about time I tell you a story. I want to tell you about Mattias."

"Mattias? Who's that? One of your old boyfriends?"

"A little more than that," he said, sighing. "We lived together back in France. We thought we'd raise you together."

I almost spit out the water I was drinking. "What? Why haven't you told me this before? You said you adopted me as a single dad! Your friend was the surrogate."

"Because in that time, in France, gay couples could not adopt. No surrogates, nothing like that. Mattias and I could not even get married. It wasn't legal. My friend terminated her parental rights, like we planned, and because you were biologically mine, my name was on all the papers."

"So what happened to Mattias? He left you?"

"The other way around." I watched as my dad's eyes started to look away from me. "I think I feel like Elliot and his actions remind me of Mattias. A lot of excuses, a lot of hurt. Mattias had a lot of anger problems, just like Elliot."

"Wow, Papa. I didn't know—"

"I'm very glad the staff at the school found out and you were able to get away from him. It wasn't that way for me and Mattias. I wasn't welcomed back into my family after I told them I was gay, so I had no family, and Mattias was taking the brunt of the bills because I could only work part time.

"I was taking care of an infant, working part time in a patisserie. I didn't even bake, just worked the register. The stress of you crying at night made him so much worse. I was scratched and bruised all the time. One night he picked up a kitchen knife and said, 'I wish I could stab that stupid thing. If it was dead it would finally be quiet.'"

I was in shock. My dad had always been such a strong guy. It was hard to think of him sixteen years ago, trapped and alone in a scary relationship.

"How did you get out?" I asked.

"After he threatened you, I called my brother in Montreal."

"Oncle Marc?"

"Oui. Your Oncle Mark. He didn't want to talk to me, but after I told him what happened, he said I could stay with him in Montreal. I booked us tickets for a two month trip the next morning. When Mattias went to work, I fit as much as I could into some suitcases and your diaper bag, then left. I could not even get a direct flight to Montreal from where we lived in Biarritz. I had to fly all the way to Madrid first, then to Montreal."

"But what happened with Mattias? Did he look for you?"

My dad shook his head. "He probably assumed I went with Marc, but he didn't know where my brother lived. And this was when we only had flip phones. No social media either, except for like, AIM or something, but that was more for teenagers."

"Did...did you miss him, like how I miss Elliot?"

"Of course I did. You mourn the loss of the family you think you will have. Mattias and I originally wanted two children. I'd have one with a surrogate, and then he'd have one with a surrogate. I wanted us to go on beach outings together, since you know, we lived in a beach town. We moved in with Marc, and then we moved here to Oak Falls when you were two, since I went to finish school and get my job at the bakery."

I sighed. "I kind of wish we could move. I won't have to worry about seeing Elliot places or anything."

"And maybe someday, you will," he said.

"Well I'm not gonna move without you!" I said. "How long did it take you to feel better, about Mattias?"

"A long time. I was even counting the days of how long we were apart, and then sometime after sixty I lost track. I realized that it wasn't important to hold on to the past, but to move forward with the future. I had a baby to take care of, and you were diagnosed with CP when you were six months old, only a few months after we came to Montreal."

"So you managed to do the same thing as me, only you were a single dad, starting your whole life over when I was just a baby, sort of like I'm doing. I really didn't know the story went like that, Papa."

"And I need you to remember one thing. I thought a lot like you. If I'd been a better boyfriend, maybe Mattias wouldn't have abused me. If I'd been better, he wouldn't have been so nasty to me. But at the end of the day, and it was even hard for me to accept back then, is that abusers will abuse, no matter what. Even if you try your best."

"Papa, can I ask you a question? How come you never tried to find love again?"

He chuckled. "Well, I was pretty busy working full time and taking care of my differently-abled daughter. And now, well, I think I'm getting too old."

"Don't say that!" I said. "I hope you find someone someday."

"If not, it's okay. I've been single for sixteen years. I don't even think I'd know how to use a dating app if I tried." He chuckled. "I'll be okay. And I know you will, too."

I took a deep breath. "I know. Sometimes I wish I could just end up with Elliot instead of a stranger."

"I felt the same way about Mattias. Give it time. It will go away."

I took another sip of my water. I hope, Papa. I hope. 

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9/10/22--Thank you for 200 reads!