Fairytail- Losing me to Find Me

Chapter 2 - Juvia

Juvia gazed into her mirror, looking at her body looking at her clothes. Just generally nit-picking at the small things about herself in the mirror. Juvia didn't know when she started to do this, it just became a habit of hers wondering what she could do for Grey to love her.

There was no doubt in Juvia's mind that what she was doing wasn't healthy, but she needed Grey's love. Grey was the only thing that mattered anymore to her. No matter what the consequences, Juvia would do whatever it took to make herself loveable for Grey, even if it meant she would never be happy. And from there it became a spiral of self-doubt and always needing the constant reassurance to make Grey love her, always needing to be better for him.

Maybe if she looked like Lucy she would finally meet his standards or Cana, perhaps if she learned to cook better. Maybe if she was stronger like Gajeel, or graceful like Mira. Someone new and better than her, if only she knew what she could do to crack the ice in Grey's heart and make him love her. Each day as Juvia gazed into the mirror she couldn't help but feel so self-loathing and disgusting in her body. At this rate, Grey would never love her.

It wasn't even about being loved anymore by him, it was about the fear of losing the sun in her life and being shunned again, which made Juvia feel like she needed to change and that she needed to put Grey on a pedestal. She needed to show him her dedication to him in order for him to understand that she loved him.

As Juvia glanced at herself last time, she took off her Russian hat and dressed in her usual long-sleeve midnight blue sabrian dress that ended at her ankles and had a slit that ran up to her mid-thigh on one side, with her brown belt that adored her waistline.

With her keys in hand, she glanced around her room one last time, picking up the garbage bag that was pushed against the door, staring at the pale yellow walls which no longer had pictures Grey up or stuffed animals of him littering her room instead they were in the trashbag. Her bag dragged behind her as she left her room.

She knew she had to apologize to everyone, especially Lucy, and she knew Lucy would be the first one to receive an apology, something that put a smile on the water mage's face for the first time in a long time maybe even become friends with the celestial wizard.

Walking down the stairs dragging the bag to the garbage, Juvia then made her way to the guild. Juvia slowed down as she realized she would soon see Grey and scowled as she realized his name no longer made her feel warm and her heart didn't tighten in her heart when she wasn't with him. Juvia began to cry when she came to a halt in the middle of her walk.

"If Juvia doesn't love Grey anymore, does that mean she can't have the sun"

"What if Grey notices and it makes the sun go away?"

"Will she have to leave fairy tail, because of the rain?"

"Will she be alone again because of her not feeling the same for Grey as she did before?"

"No that can't be, I'll sing of my devotion to Grey today! Maybe that's what I need"

Juvia staggered and leaned against a tree trying to control her breathing; she was full out in tears, sobbing, as her thoughts consumed her. Reminding herself that she needed Gray to love her and that she was in love with him by repeating "I can learn to love gray again, I love him".

"Juvia-san?"

Looking down, Juvia smiled weakly as she stared at the young blue hair sky dragon slayer named wendy and her exceed carla.

"Wendy-chan!? Ah Juvia is all right, Juvia was just thinking of ways to confess her undying love for Grey-sama without Grey-sama pushing Juvia away!"

She cringed when she added sama to Grey, but she didn't want to worry Wendy any more than she already was, rubbing her eyes she smiled at the young girl and ruffled her hair.