Desperate

16

Arabella

I've not been back to school in a week and half, every time I get ready I can hear the screams and hun shots again, the sirens I heard took me back to when I was in the car with my parents.

I keep getting flashbacks of that day, my moms head bleeding and her arm snapped back the wrong way, her eyes where lifeless, the paramedics come and check her breathing, they come back a second later and cover her up with a white sheet, I feel my heart break all over again. My dad has blood dripping down his face, one of his eyes is swollen shut and there's glass in his hair and in his face, he's still conscious tho, I remember not being able to move my arm, I'm going dizzy, struggling to breathe, blood dripping in my eye. My dad turns to make sure I'm ok as the door is cut off and I'm taken away into the hospital and black out. I wake up three days later with my uncle telling me my dad passed away after a surgery went wrong.

Every time I get the flashback I can't stop shaking and I struggle to breathe.

I get angry, it's not fair that a single moment can take people away, can change peoples lives, and it's especially not fair we have no way to defend ourselves.

I've been going to the gun range everyday, I need to feel in control.

I imagine the target to be the drunken man that hit our car, the man that got sent to rehab instead of prison, who killed two people and got away with it.

I'm angry. Sad. Lost.

It's Thursday night and I'm sat at home after work, I haven't spoken to Cole since the morning after the shooting. I need something to take my mind off it, I light a cigarette and grab my phone texting Lucas.

Me
*got any weed?*

Lucas
*I'll pick you up in ten*

I get changed because I'm still in my uniform and I need to relax. I'm wearing a stripped tank top blue skinny jeans and black converse. I get a text that he's here and grab a grey hoodie on my way out. I get into his car and we drive to the look out spot.

The look out is a cliff with a park, it's surrounded by trees, it's where everyone in high school go to party and hook up, it's also where you go to get high. It looks out onto the whole town the food parts and the bad. It's serene.

We get out of the car and head to the park, sitting on the swing set we and light a joint.

Passing it between us we look out onto the town. I start to feel the drugs affect it feels good, takes my mind off of things.

"Are you ok?" He asks, "I mean after the shooting and the anniversary of the incident"

"I'm fine" I make no effort to make conversation.

"Yh you seem it" sarcasm drips from his voice.

"Good".

We sit like that for 20 minutes.

"Do you have anything to help me sleep?" He looks concerned.

"Look bels, I think you should-"

"Do you have anything or what? I mean you are a drug dealer aren't you."

"Yep, that's what I am."

"Luke, I'm sorry, your my friend I just need something to help me sleep, just once, please."

"Just once to help you sleep tonight, there you go." He hands me a light green pill and I thank him.

He drops me off at home and I waste no time swallowing the pill. After a few minutes I stop worrying, I stop thinking and I sleep. It's the best I've felt in a long time.