Forever Yours

Chapter 18

18| Nawal

Yesterday, Ahad had given me a specific time at which we'd leave for Lahore to reach there on time so I got up according to that. Ahad was still asleep and I was thankful for that as I went into the washroom and washed my face. My eyes were red and swollen due to the 4 hours of sleep I managed and the overnight crying sessions. I had slept almost instantly after Ahad had come to bed but I kept waking up in the middle of the night and each time, I cried.

We were traveling and I wasn't in the right state of mind to dress up much. Though, after what happened last night, you'd expect to dress up even more than I usually do to make me feel better about myself but I just couldn't do it. I threw on a baggy grey t-shirt with blue jeans and a colorful scarf in my neck. I put my hair in a low, messy bun and left the washroom.

"You're awake." He stated as a matter of fact in his raspy, morning voice.

"Yeah." I gave a short reply without meeting his eyes as I bent down and took out my small make up bag from our suitcase and took it to the washroom. I didn't lock the door and hurriedly covered up my swollen eyes with some foundation and applied my go-to pink lip gloss before packing all my stuff and walking out. Ahad was kneeling down next to the bag as he took out his own clothes for today and after he went into the washroom, I took a deep breath before packing all our things. The laundry service of the hotel had ironed most of our clothes and hung them up in the closet so I removed them from their hangers and neatly folded them back into the bag. I closed the bag after taking out a cardigan for myself and a jacket for Ahad to wear for when we were still in Murree.

"Are you done? Can we leave now?" He asked and I nodded in reply. Our conversations were so awkward and there was a tension that filled the room, not the good kind.

He called a bellboy that carried our luggage to our car and we had breakfast in the hotel before checking out. We hadn't shared a word in the car as he drove all the way to the motorway to Lahore. Music from the radio was playing in the car and the songs were some of my favorites. On any normal day, I would endlessly sing along to them even if I sounded bad enough to make anyone's ears bleed. But today, I didn't even want to keep my eyes open. I could feel Ahad glancing at me every few minutes and every time made me want the Earth to open and swallow me whole.

He switched off the radio and called me out, "Nawal," He was looking at me and I hummed in response. "Look at me." I didn't turn around and he sighed.

"Please look at me, I have to talk to you." I slowly turned around and faced him.

"What do you want to talk about?" I knew what the topic might be but I acted clueless.

"About what happened last night, I'm very sorry." His voice was soft and if the car wasn't so silent, I wouldn't have heard it.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Ahad." I shot him a soft smile before looking out the window again, away from him. He placed his hand on my thigh and before I'd have last night replaying in my head, unwanted, I carefully slid his hand off my leg. He looked hurt for a second before he masked his expression.

"You're probably blaming yourself right now, thinking that I rejected you because I didn't like it but it's not like that. You're beautiful, Nawal, and I walked away because I couldn't do it. My brain was completely clouded with thoughts and it won't make sense now but one day I'll tell you what I mean. For now, just know that if there's anything wrong with any one of us here, it's me, not you." He expressed those words so delicately as if afraid to break me, or perhaps, himself. Unwelcomed tears started filling up my eyes and when one fell, Ahad gently wiped it off with the back of his hand.

"Just forget last night happened and take home our happy memories together. I don't want that to stay between us as a thorn." He admitted and I gave him a lopsided smile. The tension was slowly fading away and my heart felt much lighter but the insecure thoughts didn't leave all that soon.

"You should sleep, I know you kept waking up in the middle of the night." He stated and I looked away, embarrassed.

"Also, mom said she wants us to meet her and stay at her place for a few days when we get back. Today, we'll go back to our house so we can sleep off the ride and then we can go there tomorrow?" He proposed and I nodded in reply. I didn't mind staying there. Aunty was really sweet and she mostly reminded me of my mother and Rumi and I had gotten along pretty well so I would enjoy spending time with her before she gets married off too.

"How are they?" I asked him.

"Everyone's good. I'm honestly a little excited about Zoha. She can get to know the gender of her baby soon and I want to know if I'm having a nephew or a niece. Though I'm not sure if she'd want find the gender out beforehand." He looked like a kid talking about his favorite toys when he mentioned her sister's child and I wondered how he excited he'd look if he was talking about his own chil–too soon. We had only been married for a month and I didn't want to have a child anytime soon, I wasn't even ready to take the next step of our marriage with him, let alone have a child with him.

"Where'd you zoned out to?"

"Oh, I was thinking about how cute Zoha appi's baby would be, girl or boy. It would also be the first child of the family so everyone would pamper and love him so much." I smiled, matching his energy.

"I don't know about anyone else but I would spoil her child so much as his only Mamu."

"Well, Zoha appi's going to have a hard time saving her child from you. You would spoil the kid rotten and no mother wants that." I accused him playfully and just shrugged.

***

Since we had talked out all the issues, I slept peacefully in the car and only woke up when I felt myself getting lifted. Ahad had carried me, bridal style, and I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly in fear of falling.

"What the hell, Ahad? Put me down!" He didn't respond or react even when I hit his chest and continued walking.

"I didn't want to wake you up so I carried you." He said it so innocently that I almost wanted to kiss him.

"Well I'm awake now so put me down," I ordered but he handed me the house keys.

"No. Please open the door now, jaan." He purposely used the nickname to get me to give in to his request and I did. He bent down so I could open the door then shut the door behind us before carrying me all the way to our bedroom, which was upstairs, and set me down on the bed before sitting down next to me as if he hadn't just carried an entire person around the house and up the stairs.

"You're probably thinking of how strong I am. At least I hope you are." He said as he faced me and rested his head on his arm which was propped up on his knee.

I definitely am.

"Maybe I am, maybe I am not." I teased and got up but he pulled me back by my wrist.

"I'm sleepy and I need you to sleep here with me." He laid down on the bed and pulled me down with him before tightly wrapping his arms around my waist and snuggling his head in my neck. I ran my hand through his hair, massaging his scalp, because I knew that made him sleepy even though I'm sure he didn't need it to fall asleep after the nearly 8 hours of driving from the hotel to our home.

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