Caught in the Fire

Chapter XII: When Angels Fall

For Lucifer, it had probably only been a few hours on Earth, but he had been here for much, much longer. He'd spent the whole time trying to keep his mind busy, thinking about everything from the Detective to his extensive collection of pocket squares. And so, he wandered, forcing his legs to keep moving even as he couldn't hold his head all the way up and his shoulders sagged. He was exhausted. He had been avoiding the doors for decades now. He needed to rest, if only for a moment, but he had to push on because the alternative was unacceptable.

Michael was on his way. Chloe was waiting for him. Everything was going to be all right. He just had to hold on, just a little while longer, and he could get back to Earth and be with Chloe, and...

He heard her prayer coming in loud and clear, and he was happy for a moment to have something to listen to besides his guilt, but his heart sank when he started listening to her. She was sorry about something and his breaths quickened, hoping that she wasn't feeling guilty about something. He'd been running away from his guilt for a long time and he didn't want that for her, too.

I don't know if you can hear me, but.... I'm so sorry.

Lucifer looked skyward in the prayer's general direction, worried about the Detective's future. Was she feeling guilty about something? He would rather never see her again if it meant that she could go to Heaven as she deserved. He'd never forgive himself if she ended up down here because of him.

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I shouldn't have been so far away while you were suffering, alone, waiting for your brother to take you away. If I'd been there, maybe we could've come up with something, anything, to fight this. Maybe you wouldn't be lying in that bed, devoid of any signs of life. Michael told me not to feel guilty, but I can't help it. I feel so guilty, Lucifer.

He wanted to tell her that what happened on that beach wasn't her fault and that she shouldn't feel guilty about him. Whatever it was that she thought she'd done to hurt him, not only did understand her, but he forgave her—whatever it took to keep her from being driven down to Hell by her own guilt.

I want to believe that Maze can find you and that Michael can bring you back, but I know it's a long shot. I don't know if I'll ever see you again in my lifetime. I just... I just miss you. I can't help feeling that everything we shared in all our time together was real. And if it was real, then maybe the Devil does get a bad rap like Ella says.

Everything they shared was indeed real, even if she was a gift from God. It was devastating to him that she doubted that after seeing his monstrous side. The look on her face as she tumbled over the stairs in the back of the loft would haunt him forever. Once again, he felt the pull of the doors grabbing on to him by his guilt, and he increased his pace.

I wish I had a sign to let me know that you can hear me.

I'm here, detective! I can hear you!—he prayed, desperate, even though he was well aware of how one-sided his prayers were.

I want you to know that I'm sorry. I should've stayed and faced you. I should've talked things out with you instead of running off to Paris and then almost going to Rome to research the Devil. You deserved a chance to explain yourself after everything you've done for me and Trixie. I'm sorry I was too blinded to see that until now.

Her words felt like somebody twisted a knife in him. He didn't want her to feel guilty. She had nothing to feel guilty about. She had a very human reaction to his Devil Face, and he didn't fault her for it. Her guilt was going to drag her down to Hell, because of him and his actions from so long ago, and he couldn't deal with that. The doors sang to him again, and he didn't know how much longer he could fight their pull, knowing that Chloe could be dragged to Hell by her own guilt because of him. And all because of what happened in the Garden of Eden.