(Note: Sequel to Chapter 4: Traitor)
After Natasha died, Steve was in the stage of grief and wasn't able to function anymore. The small funeral were held outside the city as she said in her will. Steve was standing still at her grave for two days, crying, mourning until Sam and Tony had to come and drag him home.
He was drowning in his sorrow, blaming himself for her dead. Other members of the team had their very specific way of dealing with their lost. Clint locked himself up at the rooftop nest and didn't come down again since the funeral. Bruce kept working on tons of project to keep himself occupied. Thor drowned himself with meads before took off to Asgard and never returned but he asked Odin to put a constellation up in the sky in order to honor Natasha's great deeds. While Tony locked himself inside his workshop and created hundreds of new Ironman suits. Each one of them were designed for every member of the teams in hope that it might protect his friends.
The only person who was able to function and kept the Avengers alive was Pepper Potts who didn't have time to grieve for her friend's dead because she had to babysit little James for Steve who was completely lost it. She had to make sure everyone had a proper rest and eat enough food.
Pepper knew she was about to break down too but she couldn't. If she break, this entire family will fall apart. Natasha, the glue that held all of them together, wasn't there to help her keep this family together again.
"Steve, you have to get back on your feet." Pepper quietly said as she entered the Captain's bedroom.
Steve knelt down on the floor with the album of his and Natasha's wedding day. Tears stopped leaking from the soldier's eyes as it was no more of it.
"You must live on because there is one person that need you the most." She tried to reason with him, "Natasha wouldn't want you to live like this after she's gone."
"I killed her." He replied. Eyes blanked.
"No, you are not and she knew it too."
"How could I protect anyone if I can't even protect my wife?"
"James needs you, Steve. You barely held him or anything to do with him."
"I fail him, Pepper."
It was the truth. He refused to hold his own son and looked at that innocent face without thinking of Natasha. The same shade of red of James's hair was the same as Natasha.
"You have to live on and take care of this beautiful child. He depends on you and he needs his father. Not me. Natasha would want him to grow up and have a happy life. She would want you to be happy even with or without her."
That hit Steve home and he turned to look at his child for the first time after Natasha's death. Pepper saw the lowest point of the Captain for the first time since she knew him. His face filled with sorrow. He didn't even bother to shave his facial hair. There was bags under his eyes.
Steve kissed James' forehead and the boy laughed happily before tugging at his dad's beard
"I'm sorry, James. But I will take a very good care of you and make your mother proud of both of us."
Steve kissed the boy again and again before held him gently in his arms.
He had to gather what was left of him. To continue to live on with his life and raised James the way Natasha would want him to do for their son.
___________________
"Are you sure about this, sir?" Coulson asked. Unsure of what might happened to the fellow agent.
