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I feel like talking about my mental health lately. I don't feel well and there is a frown 24/7 on my face. My physical health is perfectly fine, but emotional health? Well.... it's not. I have no idea how and why exactly I feel pain in the left side of my chest. Whenever I go in the bathroom, I do nothing but cry a lot. Most of my times when I cry are because of depression. Depression is something that has scared me my entire worthless life. 

Why have I fallen into depression?

The reason is in two words. My sexuality. Pretty certain that everyone who reads the book or follows me knows that I'm lesbian. That's the problem. The reason of how depressed I'm. 

Lesbian is a word used to describe a girl who's romantically interested in other girls.

Now, I know that the foreigners (like the people of USA, UK, etc) support LGBTQ+ community. But I am from India. This country is full of fucking traditions. Traditions that have no point to exist. 

The tradition I will talk about here is dating/marriage. Why did I put a slash in between the two words? Since, in this country, dating basically means marriage. So, if one gets into a relationship with the wrong guy/girl, then they're screwed. 

The thing is, once someone turns 18+, they MUST marry someone else. The 'someone' MUST be a person of the opposite gender. Yep, aromantic and homosexual people are done for. 

I have a friend and she's bisexual. At first, I thought it wasn't much of a problem, but then she said that she's bent more towards females. Still, I support her with all my heart, and she does the same. I asked her if her parents know about this or not. She said something like this:-

"Yeah, I did tell my parents about it. Specifically, my mom. She said to not say that ever again. She said she'll throw me out of the house if I'm not straight."

She started to cry after that, and I tried comforting her. Her parents think that a person is "normal" only if they're straight, not anything else. Now I'm worried about the transgender people :'(

It's not just her parents, it's almost EVERY Indian parent. When an Indian child comes out as gay/bi, then the parents give the child an ultimatum. Either date someone of the opposite gender, or get out of the house this instant. It's a SUPER hard choice to make. 

THIS BOILS MY BLOOD TO AN EXTENT THAT I CAN LITERALLY MELT ICE ON MY PALM INSTANTLY

And no, that wasn't a lie. I am afraid about what will happen when I come out... I will be doing that at the age of about 16-17. Currently, I'm 14. But let me tell something.

There is no certain age when a person can come to know about their sexual orientation/sexuality.

And that's a fact **insert Pewdiepie meme plz**

I got to know about my sexuality when I was 13. 

I feel like I'm a disappointment to everyone. Specially, my family.

This gives me suicidal thoughts.

Should I, end it...?

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