A Soul.

That time when i lost someone...

Don't go, stay here with me, I'm sorry, don't leave me, I need you here with me I want you come back please make it just a dream that your gone, I want to wake up from this nightmare, help please don't go, come and help me..... -my message to him.    I still remember him laughing at my jokes, I was so eager to see him as he came to my house. He used to buy my favorite chocolate everyday. He used to say dad to shave his beard everyday.They were too late they cant save him.
I lost all my trust and hope.
He used to buy almost everything in the stores for all his granddaughters. he was the last one. He was the last one to motivate me and keep me up. He's gone. I felt extremely special only around him. It was tough, I thought he'd survive through this because he has gone through so much. He never got a time to smile one last time. I never got to sit in his lap while he pats my head one last time. I miss his proud and wise voice. He was the only one who knows that I am strong and kept motivating me, he knows my inner strength. Everyone else kept saying that I'm so weak and he was the only one to prove that wrong. Hes gone now. He always had hopes on me. I promise on him that I'd be a doctor when I grow up. I want him back, I wish this could all be just a bad dream.... But it's not. There is no more positivity, there is no-one left to encourage me. All is dark.There is no longer a light to guide me. There's no hope that a light will guide me now, I'm stuck in this nightmare. I need help. But there no one to help. Why did life has to be this sad, I wish I could escape life but I can't, I just can't. He's gone. He's gone. There's no one else. I can't meet any positivity forever more. I need him now. I need to hug him tight. I need to sit on his lap.
The last time I saw him is when he talked about how he could be use as a pet by him and he'd dance if I asked him to. All he left behind is Sadness, darkness , rage, depression, and a lot more but he didn't even wanted to leave us like that. When he was alive I literally thought "wow, I wouldn't survived a day without him" and now he's gone. He's dead. I need help. 

I lost my grandma a few weeks ago. Im numb though so.

Sooo my grandmother just died. But i dont feel sad. I dont know if its my numbness or the fact that im already too hurt that her death doesnt matter.