Abused and Unwanted

Chapter 31

3 MONTHS LATER:

Carrie had just released a new album about a month and it was amazing! I was so happy for her. She was getting ready to go on tour for a while and I was kind of nervous. Carrie was leaving today and Mike was away for a couple weeks with hockey. The more I thought about it, the less I wanted them to be gone.

"So Ivey will be with you while Mike and I are both gone. You might have to sleepover at their house a couple times but you'll be okay. I might not be able to talk to you before bed every night but I will try to. You'll be okay, right?" Carrie asked. I was sitting on her bed watching her pack up last minute things.

"Carrie, I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can be away from you this long. What if something happens?" I asked nervously.

"You'll be fine. Nothing will happen." She said as she scrambled around the room. "Just pretend I'm Ivey. It will be okay."

"I can't."

"You can't what?"

"I can't pretend you are Ivey! I can't pretend that I'm going to be okay when I'll be missing you everyday!" Suddenly, I got mad. It was as if everything I had been holding in poured out of me. "I can't keep pretending! I have to do it everyday at school and now you're asking me to do it at home too? I have to pretend that I'm happy every single day when I really just want to sit and cry all day!" I started to raise my voice as I saw I had gotten Carrie's attention. "Guess what? I'm not okay! I have no real family! Zack was my only family and now he's dead!! I don't like the fact that you and Mike are hardly ever home! I don't like that I have to fake who I really am at school! And most of all I hate how you tell me it's going to be okay! You don't know that! You don't know how hard any of this is for me so just stop! Stop saying everything is going to be okay when you and I both know it isn't!"

"Grace...I-I don't know what to say." Carrie started to say. "I'm so sorry baby girl."

"No! Don't apologize! And don't call me baby girl! I'm not a baby and I'm definitely not your girl!" I said with tears streaming down my face. I ran into my room and collapsed on my bed.

About an hour later, long after all my tears had dried up, Carrie walked in. "Grace?" She said softly. I ignored her. "Honey, please say something." Again, I pretended like I didn't hear her. "I have to leave now." She said as she sat down on my bed, forcing me to look at her. I started silently crying again. "I love you so much. Don't forget that. I'll be home as soon as I can, I promise. Can I have a hug goodbye?" I didn't respond or move. "Alright, I understand. Just call me if you need anything. Ivey is downstairs." Carrie got off my bed, kissed the top of my head lightly, and walked out. A couple minutes later, I decided I needed to say goodbye.

I jumped off of my bed and sprinted down the stairs and out the door ignoring Ivey's greeting. I got outside just as Carrie's car turned the corner.

"Grace, where are you going?" Ivey asked as she followed me outside.

"I didn't get to tell her goodbye or that I was sorry. What if she's mad at me? What if I messed everything up?" I said to Ivey.

"She's not mad at you. Let's call her. I think you need to talk with her about this." Ivey suggested as we walked inside.

"I don't want to. I think I'm just going to go to bed."

"Do you want anything to eat?" Ivey asked.

"No thanks. I'm not hungry." I walked upstairs and changed into my pajamas. Instead of getting into my bed, I walked next door into Carrie and Mike's room. I climbed into the middle of their big bed, pulled the blankets over me, and fell asleep.